Being slow faded :(

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I forgot to add that once you're on that first date within a week, he needs to immediately (within a week or so) start to wrap things up with any other women he's chatting with to make room to focus on you. He should be trying to see you as soon as you're free again. No waiting for the weekend to do 1xweek dates.

This is helpful. Thank you!

We have known each other for 6 months where I was dating multiple guys until I became exclusive with him late March.

I don’t feel like this is heading in the direction I’d like.

So, I was in this exact situation but on the other side.

I dated a great guy for about 6 months. I really liked him, but his demands on my time were high. He also wanted to talk 2 hours a day on the phone, in addition to seeing each other quite a bit, texting every day, etc.

I started withdrawing/slow fading because it was all too much for me. So much of my energy went into these phone conversations that I had none left to actually fuel the relationship. I started feeling resentful, stopped going on dated with him, etc. Which, of course, made him anxious and clingier and want more from me. Eventually I snapped when he called me when I really didn’t want to talk and ended things.

In retrospect I wish we had just talked about it, maybe cooled things off, stopped talking every day, etc. But I think we were both too scared of how the other person would react. I was worried if I asked for more space and distance, he would start seeing others and leave. I did really like the guy, but I can’t keep up with all those phone conversations.

So just talk to him! Ask him what’s going on. Don’t play games.

[Anonymous]

I would not try to ask what happened. It’s not just the calls but him no longer flirting, complimenting you that’s problematic.
In such cases I mirror the man’s behavior and resume actively dating others. Men always sense your shifted focus. He will disappear completely or actively come back to get you back

[Anonymous]

Take the hint … He’s not that into you.

[Anonymous]

1-2 hours a day on the phone is a LOT. But I agree with the above posters - address the issue directly with him. If he's slow fading, then nothing lost, right? If he's just overworked, or finds that the phone time is too much for him, then you can work it out.

Be brave, you can do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s just not that into you.

I have dated busy men who find time for you. It is so easy to blow you off. My now husband used to want to see me (have sex) everyday. None of this slow fade talking and texting.

I think the problem with dating these days is that people are always still on the dating apps. It is so easy to become interested in someone else.

I’d been reading DCUM for years while I was married and believed when people said that everybody is dating multiple partners, at least for the first several months. After I separated and created a dating profile, I assumed that every man I meet isn’t serious about me yet and is dating others. Therefore I didn’t consider having a committed relationship with anyone from the start, and I wasn’t even emotionally available at that time. I ended up hurting several men because of that. They were so excited to meet me, and some of them made it clear right away that they want to date me exclusively and got very upset and disappointed when I told them that it wouldn’t be possible.

I ended up dating one man casually, and when I became ready for a real relationship, I created a new profile and decided that I’m not going to meet with a man unless he is a good candidate for a long-term relationship with me. When I met my boyfriend for the first time, at the end of the first date he made it clear that he wants an exclusive relationship with me, and in 4 days he asked me to become his girlfriend. We deleted our dating profiles and are now sharing locations - have nothing to hide. So no, not everyone is always on the dating apps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not try to ask what happened. It’s not just the calls but him no longer flirting, complimenting you that’s problematic.
In such cases I mirror the man’s behavior and resume actively dating others. Men always sense your shifted focus. He will disappear completely or actively come back to get you back

OP here. Yes it is the complete lack of flirting and compliments. Its like I am being friend zoned. No " I miss you" or "can;t wait to see you"

So odd...complete shift from how he was talking 2 weeks ago.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like someone else may have caught his eye. But maybe not. As others have said you should ask him what’s up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not try to ask what happened. It’s not just the calls but him no longer flirting, complimenting you that’s problematic.
In such cases I mirror the man’s behavior and resume actively dating others. Men always sense your shifted focus. He will disappear completely or actively come back to get you back

OP here. Yes it is the complete lack of flirting and compliments. Its like I am being friend zoned. No " I miss you" or "can;t wait to see you"

So odd...complete shift from how he was talking 2 weeks ago.

It’s not really that odd. It happens a lot.

It’s disappointing. But it’s a pretty common trajectory.

[Anonymous]

That sucks OP

Hows it going this evening?

Dont let it get to you, read about detachment online.

[Anonymous]

What on earth could you possibly have to talk about for 1-2 hours every night?

You must be a non stop manic chatterbox.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not try to ask what happened. It’s not just the calls but him no longer flirting, complimenting you that’s problematic.
In such cases I mirror the man’s behavior and resume actively dating others. Men always sense your shifted focus. He will disappear completely or actively come back to get you back

’

This. Talking to him about the relationship will get you meaningless reassurances or outright avoidance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not try to ask what happened. It’s not just the calls but him no longer flirting, complimenting you that’s problematic.
In such cases I mirror the man’s behavior and resume actively dating others. Men always sense your shifted focus. He will disappear completely or actively come back to get you back

OP here. Yes it is the complete lack of flirting and compliments. Its like I am being friend zoned. No " I miss you" or "can;t wait to see you"

So odd...complete shift from how he was talking 2 weeks ago.

Asking him what happened would make you look like a beggar for affection. Don’t do it. Be polite, playful but stop expecting or initiating texts and avoid long calls. Actively go out with other men.

A man who is interested will make it clear to you. If you are not sure about his feelings it’s time to move on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s just not that into you.

I have dated busy men who find time for you. It is so easy to blow you off. My now husband used to want to see me (have sex) everyday. None of this slow fade talking and texting.

I think the problem with dating these days is that people are always still on the dating apps. It is so easy to become interested in someone else.

I’d been reading DCUM for years while I was married and believed when people said that everybody is dating multiple partners, at least for the first several months. After I separated and created a dating profile, I assumed that every man I meet isn’t serious about me yet and is dating others. Therefore I didn’t consider having a committed relationship with anyone from the start, and I wasn’t even emotionally available at that time. I ended up hurting several men because of that. They were so excited to meet me, and some of them made it clear right away that they want to date me exclusively and got very upset and disappointed when I told them that it wouldn’t be possible.

I ended up dating one man casually, and when I became ready for a real relationship, I created a new profile and decided that I’m not going to meet with a man unless he is a good candidate for a long-term relationship with me. When I met my boyfriend for the first time, at the end of the first date he made it clear that he wants an exclusive relationship with me, and in 4 days he asked me to become his girlfriend. We deleted our dating profiles and are now sharing locations - have nothing to hide. So no, not everyone is always on the dating apps.

Congratulations? You have a boyfriend after getting divorced.

OP’s man’s attention is elsewhere. Maybe dating apps. Maybe coworker. Maybe he just doesn’t like OP.

[Anonymous]

Well considering that you two are currently exclusive, I wouldn’t assume things are over until he tells you they are.

Maybe he met someone else?
Do you know if he is still active on the apps??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well considering that you two are currently exclusive, I wouldn’t assume things are over until he tells you they are.

Maybe he met someone else?
Do you know if he is still active on the apps??

Show me a man go refuses a second P himself