Teen has no social life

[Anonymous]

Do you have a social life? Maybe he doesn't really know how to initiate making plans and reciprocating plans. He would need to learn that growing up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not alone. We have had a lot of similar conversations with other parents of teenage boys. In our case, we are trying to nudge them out of the house more and encourage them to make plans rather than just wait to be invited.

One thing I have heard from several parents is that some otherwise social, athletic, perfectly normal kids are more hesitant to go out because they do not want to be around drinking, vaping, or drugs. That does not explain every situation, of course, but I think it is part of the picture for some kids.

It is strange as a parent because they can seem happy, have friends at school, and still spend most weekends at home. I think phones and online socializing have changed things, but it is still hard not to worry when you hear about gatherings they were not invited to. I am trying to balance encouraging more real-life socializing with not projecting my own teenage experience onto them.

+1 same boat and I have a 16 year old DS

My son was like this through sophomore year. I pushed and it did get better. What worked for him was he started picking up friends and going out to lunch or dinner at a diner. Low stakes and no alcohol. Then driving range sometimes by himself and eventually some golfing with other guys. By senior year he got involved in student gov and that expanded his social circle.

[Anonymous]

My DS is only 14 but I have the same worry. He seems to have lots of friends at school, and through sports, but rarely does a thing on the weekend outside of sports. He does seem happy though.

[Anonymous]

Just echoing PPs who said it will get better. My DS had a very small friend group in HS that didn't do much socializing on weekends. He - and his friends - was particularly opposed to the parties/drinking/drugs scene the popular kids frequented - and their rude behavior. College has been wonderful for him - he quickly made a great friend group and got involved in lots of clubs/activities.

My advice is to give your kid a great home experience - in addition to offering/organizing activities and outings, be sure not to suggest your kid is "missing out" on HS activities. The most important thing is that you're raising a boy who will have a happy and healthy adulthood. HS experiences are just a small part of a big life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not alone. We have had a lot of similar conversations with other parents of teenage boys. In our case, we are trying to nudge them out of the house more and encourage them to make plans rather than just wait to be invited.

One thing I have heard from several parents is that some otherwise social, athletic, perfectly normal kids are more hesitant to go out because they do not want to be around drinking, vaping, or drugs. That does not explain every situation, of course, but I think it is part of the picture for some kids.

It is strange as a parent because they can seem happy, have friends at school, and still spend most weekends at home. I think phones and online socializing have changed things, but it is still hard not to worry when you hear about gatherings they were not invited to. I am trying to balance encouraging more real-life socializing with not projecting my own teenage experience onto them.

It's no just boys. My DD was home a lot b/c she didn't want to drink etc. And lots of her friends were kids of immigrants who were not allowed to go out. And the popular friends were aholes.

[Anonymous]

Kids with happy homes have less active social lives.

[Anonymous]

My 13 year old dd has been excluded from what she considered her primary friends group throughout middle school. It has been painful and caused a lot of anxiety and even depression. She sits with these kids at lunch, but they turn their backs on her and leave her out of conversations, text groups and plans. In fact she used to be in their text group, but then they shifted to another one without her. There is nothing socially weird about her, at all. She is smart, friendly, fun and stylish. Hoping things change in high school.

[Anonymous]

It’s tough. There is a lot of pressure on grades and studying. This takes a lot of time. If your DC is on a sports team or in theater or band, that takes another big chunk of time to practice and perform. There’s not a lot of extra time to just ‘hang out’.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he’s a monster too?

[Anonymous]

Is there something that bothers him or bothers you? My own team is similar, but it does not seem to bother him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids with happy homes have less active social lives.

This is absolutely not true.

[Anonymous]

You're acting like it's still 1995. Like there isn't the internet. Social media. Like there wasn't a two-year pandemic that kept your son at home 24/7/365. Why isn't he out there? It is not surprise.

[Anonymous]

My 16 yo son doesn’t socialize much on the weekends, mostly because he’s so dang busy (his choice) and needs some time to rest and do homework (in addition to whatever sports competition he might have, and we need some time as a family, too).

But he will do things go out to eat with friends before a swim meet, have friends over on a day off from school, went to Homecoming with friends, etc. He has no interest in attending drinking parties.

He seems happy, so I’m not worried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not alone. We have had a lot of similar conversations with other parents of teenage boys. In our case, we are trying to nudge them out of the house more and encourage them to make plans rather than just wait to be invited.

One thing I have heard from several parents is that some otherwise social, athletic, perfectly normal kids are more hesitant to go out because they do not want to be around drinking, vaping, or drugs. That does not explain every situation, of course, but I think it is part of the picture for some kids.

It is strange as a parent because they can seem happy, have friends at school, and still spend most weekends at home. I think phones and online socializing have changed things, but it is still hard not to worry when you hear about gatherings they were not invited to. I am trying to balance encouraging more real-life socializing with not projecting my own teenage experience onto them.

do you not have limits on gaming and/or phone apps or downtime set up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're acting like it's still 1995. Like there isn't the internet. Social media. Like there wasn't a two-year pandemic that kept your son at home 24/7/365. Why isn't he out there? It is not surprise.

why are not surprised??

its concerning

time to teach your son there is more to life than gaming and jerking off to porn all day