if your kid confesses before you find out

[Anonymous]

Anyone on here who thinks a little drinking by a 16 year old is a "serious issue" and that you need to jump into punishment mode is either a troll or doesn't have teenagers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone on here who thinks a little drinking by a 16 year old is a "serious issue" and that you need to jump into punishment mode is either a troll or doesn't have teenagers.

you don't have to think it's a serious issue, but it needs to be treated as one. We all did it as teenagers (most of us at least) and understand that our kids will do the same, but we are not their "buddies" but their parents. You can secretly be ok with it, but you cant just give your kid a free pass to do whatever the hell they want - that's not parenting. So, drinking or any other "questionable" activity needs to be addressed in some way - the kid needs to at least think you "might" have an issue with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone.

We have a family history of alcoholism, on my side as well as on DH's. And, in all honesty, I did not handle this situation very well. I always thought I'd be so much better when the time came! I wouldn't say I was horrible (no yelling or outright 'punishment', but there were consequences less freedom during spring break).

I like the approach of having her do research on alcoholism.

I’m glad you had a conversation and continue to have conversations. It’s such a big deal that your kid is talking to you. Keep that going. That is more important and will have a far greater impact than any punishment.

I would personally not take the cell phone. It’s not relevant to what happened, unless you know they were filming and posting, and I am all about natural consequences. Not hanging out with these friends for a while (maybe not forever) and no sleepovers for a long time would be the natural consequence in our house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t have a consequence for this.
My 13yo took a gummy at a friends house. Told me a few days later but had gone to bed at 7pm that night so I wouldn’t notice. I told her that that was consequence enough and I appreciated her honestly. The gummy belonged to the friends dad.
As long as not driving after drinking and they were on a safe space I’d just have a conversation.

WOW. Consequence was a self-imposed early bedtime? No follow up with the friend's parents? JFC.

Of course I followed up with the parents. It wasnt really relevant to the post. Thats how I found out they belonged to the Dad.
I don't want her going over there either

[Anonymous]

Talk to your child about how dangerous it is, and ask them how they propose to earn your trust that they can be safe when unsupervised so that you can let them go out unsupervised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say your 16-yr-old was at a friend's house and got drunk. But she tells you before you find out from other parents, who found out when their kid came in stumbling and smelling of alcohol.

If you have a 'no lying' policy, how do you handle this type of situation differently than if you found out your kid had been drinking the harder way -- e.g., how the other parents found out or if you asked her and she lied and said "no"?

I'm trying to learn better how to handle this type of situation and would love to learn from others here.

Is this hypothetical? Did your kid text you to say "I'm drunk" before coming home?

[Anonymous]

"Thank you for telling me the truth. I'm very disappointed. And I understand young people do these things sometimes as they experiment. What did you learn?"

Start a dialog. Then:

"I'm going to need some time to think about this and decide what the appropriate consequences are."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say your 16-yr-old was at a friend's house and got drunk. But she tells you before you find out from other parents, who found out when their kid came in stumbling and smelling of alcohol.

If you have a 'no lying' policy, how do you handle this type of situation differently than if you found out your kid had been drinking the harder way -- e.g., how the other parents found out or if you asked her and she lied and said "no"?

I'm trying to learn better how to handle this type of situation and would love to learn from others here.

Is this hypothetical? Did your kid text you to say "I'm drunk" before coming home?

I suspect the other kid shared that they got in trouble, but I didn't pry there.