Do you visit the graves of your deceased loved ones? Why or why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. They aren’t there. I also don’t really make anything of the day they died. It is the least consequential day of their existence. I don’t keep track of how long they’ve been gone either. I remember them on their birthdays, the day they were given to the world, and how long they were here and the wonderful moments we shared.

At a certain point, highlighting birthdays seems unnecessary as well. For example, my grandmother died many years ago, but I have a cousin who goes out of her way to flag her birthday each year, sending group chat messages like, "Did you guys forget what today is?" Granny would've been 187!" "Let's all wish her a happy 187th heavenly birthday!"

Your second death is the day you are forgotten.

Once I'm dead, it doesn't matter to me but religiously if your children pray for your and give charity in your name, it makes afterlife easier for you. Even if I don't fully believe in it, I don't mind making small effort for them, just in case it doesn't help.

[Anonymous]

I’m extremely lucky in that the only close family that has passed are my grandparents. I’ve seen one grandfathers grave once, which was on a family trip to see it. He died when my mom was very young. The other 3 grandparents don’t have any graves to visit.

A childhood friend died suddenly in our early 20s and I visited his grave regularly for years. Even after I moved away, I’d stop by the cemetery when I went back to visit my parents. I’m not sure why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. They’re not in their graves and I’m no closer to them at the cemetery than I am anywhere else. Plus, cemeteries are depressing. I don’t want to be reminded of death.

Why? That's just a part of life and cemeteries aren't depressing, feelings are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. As a Hindu, there is no grave. The cremated remains (ashes and whatever bones remained) was immersed in a river. The body is temporary, the soul is permanent. The body is destroyed and dispersed as million pieces of ashes so that the soul cannot follow it or remain attached to the dead body. It needs to move on.

How do we connect with our ancestors? We have a period every year where we pray for our ancestors and give them food and drink, also practice charity in their names.

Why give ancestors food and drink? They are dead. How is this any different the going to their grave. I guess just different ways to honor them but same sentiment.

[Anonymous]

Both cremation and traditional burial have significant, yet different, environmental impacts, making neither strictly "eco-friendly" without specific choices. Traditional burial uses extensive land, wood, metal, and concrete, while cremation consumes fossil fuels and releases air pollution. Generally, green burial or aquamation are considered the most environmentally friendly alternatives if no urn or casket is involved.

[Anonymous]

No. Graves are insane places my family is not there.

[Anonymous]

Aquamation and cremation sound a bit gross but guess whatever is cheaper, dead people don't mind.

[Anonymous]

Green burial should be the way but graves shouldn't be assigned forever, just recycle them every 5 years as without casket, that's how ling it takes for a body to fully decompose. With casket it can take 10-15 years.

[Anonymous]

I grew up visiting often, always taking flowers, grave blankets at Christmas. I like cemeteries and feel a sense of closeness even though I know my family is not there. I don’t go as often as I did when I was a child but I still go.

There is no right or wrong, only what feels right for you.

[Anonymous]

I do when I'm in town but if I happen to miss doing it, I don't feel guilty. I do find it emotionally moving when I do visit. I think of them though, day to day, always. A gravesite does not change that.

[Anonymous]

No because it’s far away and I had a complicated relationship with her and I don’t really believe in afterlife

[Anonymous]

Both of my parents are long deceased & are buried together in a beautiful military cemetery about a thirty-min. drive from where I live.

I rarely visit their grave…..like you OP, I just do not feel much of their presence there.
Though I DO believe in an afterlife.

I am a private person in general so I would feel extremely uncomfortable weeping, praying or simply talking at their gravesite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. As a Hindu, there is no grave. The cremated remains (ashes and whatever bones remained) was immersed in a river. The body is temporary, the soul is permanent. The body is destroyed and dispersed as million pieces of ashes so that the soul cannot follow it or remain attached to the dead body. It needs to move on.

How do we connect with our ancestors? We have a period every year where we pray for our ancestors and give them food and drink, also practice charity in their names.

Why give ancestors food and drink? They are dead. How is this any different the going to their grave. I guess just different ways to honor them but same sentiment.

Yes, we are honoring them, but there are no human body remains left. The body is destroyed and any remaining fragments of bones is dispersed in a way that it is hard to retrieve or identify. There is no skeleton of the dead person. Therefore - no zombie apocalypse in our stories.

[Anonymous]

My relatives are all buried or interned in Europe, so I visit occasionally when I travel back and am in the area. But no, I don't really think about it or care too much on the whole. Life is for the living Cemeteries are simply made for people to have a place to grieve, and once you are through that most people don't go back to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. I don't understand the point. Going to the place where they're decomposing is of no comfort or interest to me.

+1. Thankfully my mom and her side of the family chose cremation without burial so no grave to visit (scattered instead).