Weaning almost 4-year-old

[Anonymous]

My DD weaned around 4. I never thought it would happen but it did. It was a hard process. But it was totally fine in the end. It was not traumatic just annoying for me to have to keep her away from my boobs. Start cutting down the nursing sessions, where it is time on a boob or how many times she gets to nurse each day. Eventually you’ll hit 0. It’s slower than other methods but worked for us and wasn’t a quick change out of that habit and comfort but a slow steady one. My kid needed no therapy to cope. I’m sure she was sad about not getting more booby but that’s life and a good lesson - tha sadness about loosing things we love and enjoy, is normal and can be tolerated.

[Anonymous]

Start by setting boundaries— we nurse here and only here. I told my kid he only nurses in his bed or the rocking chair. Then, time boundaries— we only nurse in your bed at night before bed. Don’t ever offer, and if she asks impose more time boundaries: shortened nursing. After a minute or two, all done. Then eventually if she asks, ask if she is sure? You know, you’re big enough to cuddle instead of nurse. Want to try a night without and see how we feel?

Agree to give advanced notice ahead of fully cutting her off.

[Anonymous]

You are getting a lot of reasonable responses on this thread that will help you, but honestly, it is a form of sexual abuse to invite a child who can also happily make a sandwich or ride a two-wheeler, to open your shirt and suck on your breast.

It's not beautiful anymore, it's ick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are getting a lot of reasonable responses on this thread that will help you, but honestly, it is a form of sexual abuse to invite a child who can also happily make a sandwich or ride a two-wheeler, to open your shirt and suck on your breast.

It's not beautiful anymore, it's ick.

The only ick thing here is this comment. Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Schedule a super duper high value FUN FUN FUN three day weekend somewhere. Get your own hotel room. Dad gets her in his room. Be busy go go go all day, tell her BFing is not allowed at the restaurant, not allowed at the amusement park, whatever, delay later later later. Uh oh, milk is all gone. But you are suuuuuuch a big girl, here have this giant lollipop.

Get rid of all the BFing cues at home. If she pitches a fit, just leave the house

Your husband needs to step up on this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t need a therapist. You are going to help her process this firmly and lovingly.

She needs you to be strong, confident, and to set loving limits. You can’t let the medical trauma you both endured impact your decisions.

Tell her nursing is for babies and she is a big girl. Give her a deadline in about a week - with a physical paper calendar to mark off the days as you count down.

Then on D-Day, offer a favorite treat or a plan snuggle instead. Stay upbeat yet empathetic and do not waver or give in. Treat like any time she asks for something she cant have (another cookie, a toy at Target, whatever). If she cries, hold her if she lets you. It will be hard and then it will be over.

If it’s hard for more than a week, go away for a few days. When you come back there won’t be any milk, and she will have a new routine with just Daddy and will forget about it.

A 4 year old will slip a hand in and start undoing a bra. Then it turns into a physical power struggle.

DAD needs to hold her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are getting a lot of reasonable responses on this thread that will help you, but honestly, it is a form of sexual abuse to invite a child who can also happily make a sandwich or ride a two-wheeler, to open your shirt and suck on your breast.

It's not beautiful anymore, it's ick.

Chock full of nuts jingle: DCUM daily B in your cup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nephew was 2, but he was a bit tantrummy about weaning so what they did was my brother (who does remote IT work) took him to stay with my parents for a couple weeks.

IMO stubborn extended nurser is often the result of velcro baby and clueless dad is who only too happy for mom's ( o )( o ) to be the final solution to every fussy baby problem which is why dad needs to be the one to fix this problem. Also, at this point, mom deserves a ---- break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a mom who was exhausted still night feeding a 2.5 year old who is restricted eater, while struggling with anemia I sympathize. I think the best thing for you both is for you to find a trusted caregiver (spouse, grandparent, night nurse) and go away for three days. The truth is you need healing probably even more than she does and she needs a fresh start with someone who doesn’t share the trauma bond. I did it and it worked for us. Good luck.

Hard agree. Somebody other than mom needs to take control of this.

Telling mom she needs to cut back the sessions, tell the kid no, comfort the kid --- at this point she has already done that 10,000 times and she deserved a break from this over 2 years ago

[Anonymous]

Lots of delayed nursing weaning courses online. Look into one with attachment focused approach. You will get so much judgement on here but there is literally no shame in this. Natural weaning age for children is considered 4 to 7 years old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get some books about weaning. Make 4 year old the absolute cut off so she knows it's coming. Start cutting back to where it's just once every other day and even less before the date comes and it won't be so hard. Give prizes every day she goes without. It's hard, but I know you both can do this. I weaned my kiddo completely at 3.5 and this is what we did. 4 is a big birthday so you can definitely talk about the big kid stuff ahead and get a great present for being all done with breast feeding. Good luck!

+1. I did not do extended breastfeeding, but, I had to bribe the hell out of my 4 year old to potty train him. This is a very ingrained habit. Expect it to take a few weeks. Your 4 year old does not need to breastfeed for any reason. You are not hurting her by weaning her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t need a therapist. You are going to help her process this firmly and lovingly.

She needs you to be strong, confident, and to set loving limits. You can’t let the medical trauma you both endured impact your decisions.

Tell her nursing is for babies and she is a big girl. Give her a deadline in about a week - with a physical paper calendar to mark off the days as you count down.

Then on D-Day, offer a favorite treat or a plan snuggle instead. Stay upbeat yet empathetic and do not waver or give in. Treat like any time she asks for something she cant have (another cookie, a toy at Target, whatever). If she cries, hold her if she lets you. It will be hard and then it will be over.

If it’s hard for more than a week, go away for a few days. When you come back there won’t be any milk, and she will have a new routine with just Daddy and will forget about it.

A 4 year old will slip a hand in and start undoing a bra. Then it turns into a physical power struggle.

DAD needs to hold her.

This is crazy to me. How can a four-year-old have physical control over you, the parent? Take control of your kids.

[Anonymous]

BAND AIDS. I don’t know why this isn’t the prevailing advice. It is SO easy. I put band aids on my nipples and when dc asked to nurse I’d show them my “boo boo” and offered a snuggle instead. It worked brilliantly. Minimal tears, no rejection, all love. I weaned three extended nursers this way!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are getting a lot of reasonable responses on this thread that will help you, but honestly, it is a form of sexual abuse to invite a child who can also happily make a sandwich or ride a two-wheeler, to open your shirt and suck on your breast.

It's not beautiful anymore, it's ick.

She had a sickly child in years coterminous with a pandemic. good grief

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BAND AIDS. I don’t know why this isn’t the prevailing advice. It is SO easy. I put band aids on my nipples and when dc asked to nurse I’d show them my “boo boo” and offered a snuggle instead. It worked brilliantly. Minimal tears, no rejection, all love. I weaned three extended nursers this way!

Actually brilliant