18yo daughter obsessed with marriage—not boyfriends—what should I tell her?

[Anonymous]

She might be spending time in the weird corners of the internet.

[Anonymous]

She sounds manic. Possibly bipolar?

[Anonymous]

Good. The idea that you don’t find your mate until your thirties is dumb. Tell her to make sure she cultivates all of the qualities in herself that she’s seeking in a spouse, and encourage her to do research into the spiritual, financial, and practical realities of marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked her what she's looking for in a husband?

Yes, it’s seems unrealistic.

How so?

It’s a lot..
Believes in soulmates and true love.
1. Wealthy
2. Extremely ambitious and successful
3. Charismatic and outgoing personality
4. Perfect physical appearance
5. The "ideal" personality—someone who meets all her emotional and personal needs
6. High social status
7. Perfect match in every way (financial, emotional, personality)
8. Perfect family background
9. No flaws in character
10. Prioritizes her above anyone else
11. Always on the same page

I know one 20 yo boy who fits this and I would not ever want to marry into a family like that because it would be too stressful to keep up with sky high expectations but I am glad to see there is someone for everyone. I like this random quote I read online about finding someone who feels like peace because it worked for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She might be spending time in the weird corners of the internet.

This is what I think. She's watching those reels of childless and rich stay at home wives prancing around NYC drinking matcha, getting their nails done and shopping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked her what she's looking for in a husband?

Yes, it’s seems unrealistic.

How so?

It’s a lot..
Believes in soulmates and true love.
1. Wealthy
2. Extremely ambitious and successful
3. Charismatic and outgoing personality
4. Perfect physical appearance
5. The "ideal" personality—someone who meets all her emotional and personal needs
6. High social status
7. Perfect match in every way (financial, emotional, personality)
8. Perfect family background
9. No flaws in character
10. Prioritizes her above anyone else
11. Always on the same page

The word "perfect" appears three times in that list. No one is perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked her what she's looking for in a husband?

Yes, it’s seems unrealistic.

How so?

It’s a lot..
Believes in soulmates and true love.
1. Wealthy
2. Extremely ambitious and successful
3. Charismatic and outgoing personality
4. Perfect physical appearance
5. The "ideal" personality—someone who meets all her emotional and personal needs
6. High social status
7. Perfect match in every way (financial, emotional, personality)
8. Perfect family background
9. No flaws in character
10. Prioritizes her above anyone else
11. Always on the same page

And what does she think she has to offer? Besides a tight teenager bod and vajayjay, I mean.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to look for someone who values family and can put her first

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds manic. Possibly bipolar?

Not even close. Sounds like a typical emotionally immature and inexperienced 18 yo girl who just so happens to speak her mind freely. She's far from the only one like this! But most don't tell their mothers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked her what she's looking for in a husband?

Yes, it’s seems unrealistic.

How so?

It’s a lot..
Believes in soulmates and true love.
1. Wealthy
2. Extremely ambitious and successful
3. Charismatic and outgoing personality
4. Perfect physical appearance
5. The "ideal" personality—someone who meets all her emotional and personal needs
6. High social status
7. Perfect match in every way (financial, emotional, personality)
8. Perfect family background
9. No flaws in character
10. Prioritizes her above anyone else
11. Always on the same page

Well, she is 18 and those are idealistic criteria. Not a single thing on that list is an inherently BAD thing to have in a partner, just very unrealistic as you said. You can help her understand where her criteria are too rigid or help guide her away from stuff you don't think "should be" a priority in a relationship. You are her mom and get to tell her what you think is important. I personally would be encouraging my daughter to steer away from stuff like "high social status" and "wealthy" but might keep the stuff that is more "career driven and ambitious" in order to prioritize a value of hard work or being financially successful or however we defined it.

Overall, it sounds like she's a kid with a kid list. That's a good reason for her to date people and see how reality matches up to this Disney princess fantasy you've got here.

She’s had plenty of chances to date but turned them all down because she’s holding out for her idea of the ‘perfect’ husband, not just a boyfriend. And now she’s asking me where she’s supposed to find one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked her what she's looking for in a husband?

Yes, it’s seems unrealistic.

How so?

It’s a lot..
Believes in soulmates and true love.
1. Wealthy
2. Extremely ambitious and successful
3. Charismatic and outgoing personality
4. Perfect physical appearance
5. The "ideal" personality—someone who meets all her emotional and personal needs
6. High social status
7. Perfect match in every way (financial, emotional, personality)
8. Perfect family background
9. No flaws in character
10. Prioritizes her above anyone else
11. Always on the same page

Well, she is 18 and those are idealistic criteria. Not a single thing on that list is an inherently BAD thing to have in a partner, just very unrealistic as you said. You can help her understand where her criteria are too rigid or help guide her away from stuff you don't think "should be" a priority in a relationship. You are her mom and get to tell her what you think is important. I personally would be encouraging my daughter to steer away from stuff like "high social status" and "wealthy" but might keep the stuff that is more "career driven and ambitious" in order to prioritize a value of hard work or being financially successful or however we defined it.

Overall, it sounds like she's a kid with a kid list. That's a good reason for her to date people and see how reality matches up to this Disney princess fantasy you've got here.

She’s had plenty of chances to date but turned them all down because she’s holding out for her idea of the ‘perfect’ husband, not just a boyfriend. And now she’s asking me where she’s supposed to find one.

I think you need to ask her how she's going to find out the characteristics of a potential husband if she is unwilling to date anyone. After all, it's boyfriends that turn into husbands. If her perfect future husband had asked her out and she turned him down, she wouldn't even know about the missed opportunity.

[Anonymous]

I give my daughter the feedback which I learned from observing my parents’s terrible relationship. My mom never provided guidance.

Find a good man who will be a good provider. Women who have to work while having kids have it very, very hard. You are pretty, smart, and kind, and therefore, you can afford to be picky.

[Anonymous]

I wish I had tried harder for marriage when I was younger. I instead was looking for fun and a soulmate and now I'm old and divorced because I ended up settling when I realized my biological clock was ticking.

Though honestly, I am so different now than when I was 20 that maybe it wouldn't have worked out either. But I think it's not backward or terrible to be thinking about marriage at 18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uhh...tell her how to find a good husband and what to look for. Many of us met our husbands in college. Many of the most balanced people I know did. One quality can be "find someone who supports your education and success and wants you to reach your full potential"

What exactly should I tell her? I married the first man that I dated so I don’t have a lot of experience.

Tell her that. Tell her it worked out well for you but you think dating other men first might have been good, too.

[Anonymous]

What is your dh like? That’s likely the kind of man she’s going to marry.