What Good Are Restraining Orders ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read something recently, something like restraining orders are the police telling men "Better luck killing her next time". They don't do shit.

+1. The male cops identify more with the male offender than the female victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need a lawyer nof the police. He needs to be take to court for violating the order.

Does he respect the law? Doesn't sound like it. With these guys, it's about control. The TRO just infuriates them.

[Anonymous]

OP, take this Danger Assessment test: https://www.dangerassessment.org/

It will tell you how much risk you are at and give you instructions and resources.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I assume the order says he can't come near your condo. It doesn't say he can't check his mail.

The issue is not that the guy is at the mailbox checking his mail.

When someone has a restraining order against them, they are in clear violation of that order if they initiate contact with the person who has it against them.

So initiating a conversation with the victim is a clear violation of the order.

As most agree here - restraining orders are really useless since the law is soft when it comes to authorities enforcing it in the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a lawyer nof the police. He needs to be take to court for violating the order.

Does he respect the law? Doesn't sound like it. With these guys, it's about control. The TRO just infuriates them.

Guys violating court orders don't make judges very happy. They sometimes tell guys with guns to go put the tough guys in jail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume the order says he can't come near your condo. It doesn't say he can't check his mail.

The issue is not that the guy is at the mailbox checking his mail.

When someone has a restraining order against them, they are in clear violation of that order if they initiate contact with the person who has it against them.

So initiating a conversation with the victim is a clear violation of the order.

As most agree here - restraining orders are really useless since the law is soft when it comes to authorities enforcing it in the end.

It's not fool proof, but it's not useless either.

[Anonymous]

OP, what jurisdiction are you in? Often times a victim of domestic violence can show a landlord a restraining order and the landlord is obliged to end the lease and let the victim move out without seizing the deposit as rent forgone. But, check your jurisdiction.

I would be concerned that the reality of your situation is that a neighbor who chooses to violate the restraining order can move to harm you in less time than it will take the police to respond to a 911 call. RN, he's just talking to you, but it's entirely unpredictable whether one day he'll just show up with a gun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a lawyer nof the police. He needs to be take to court for violating the order.

Does he respect the law? Doesn't sound like it. With these guys, it's about control. The TRO just infuriates them.

Guys violating court orders don't make judges very happy. They sometimes tell guys with guns to go put the tough guys in jail.

Depends on the judge and the cops that you rely on to enforce the order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what jurisdiction are you in? Often times a victim of domestic violence can show a landlord a restraining order and the landlord is obliged to end the lease and let the victim move out without seizing the deposit as rent forgone. But, check your jurisdiction.

I would be concerned that the reality of your situation is that a neighbor who chooses to violate the restraining order can move to harm you in less time than it will take the police to respond to a 911 call. RN, he's just talking to you, but it's entirely unpredictable whether one day he'll just show up with a gun.

Or a knife or his bare hands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read something recently, something like restraining orders are the police telling men "Better luck killing her next time". They don't do shit.

+1. The male cops identify more with the male offender than the female victim.

Most people in high-power/high-authority positions are abusers, so yeah, this tracks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what jurisdiction are you in? Often times a victim of domestic violence can show a landlord a restraining order and the landlord is obliged to end the lease and let the victim move out without seizing the deposit as rent forgone. But, check your jurisdiction.

I would be concerned that the reality of your situation is that a neighbor who chooses to violate the restraining order can move to harm you in less time than it will take the police to respond to a 911 call. RN, he's just talking to you, but it's entirely unpredictable whether one day he'll just show up with a gun.

Read up on the Violence Against Women Act [VAWA].

If you are renting, your landlord is obligated to allow you to move to another unit of your choosing (if that is what you want to do vs. moving altogether.)
Because not everyone wants to move or can afford to upend their homes because of a douchebag ex slash stalker.
At least that way this person does not know where you live at.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what jurisdiction are you in? Often times a victim of domestic violence can show a landlord a restraining order and the landlord is obliged to end the lease and let the victim move out without seizing the deposit as rent forgone. But, check your jurisdiction.

I would be concerned that the reality of your situation is that a neighbor who chooses to violate the restraining order can move to harm you in less time than it will take the police to respond to a 911 call. RN, he's just talking to you, but it's entirely unpredictable whether one day he'll just show up with a gun.

Read up on the Violence Against Women Act [VAWA].

If you are renting, your landlord is obligated to allow you to move to another unit of your choosing (if that is what you want to do vs. moving altogether.)
Because not everyone wants to move or can afford to upend their homes because of a douchebag ex slash stalker.
At least that way this person does not know where you live at.

But he lives in the complex, knows what car she drives and where she works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what jurisdiction are you in? Often times a victim of domestic violence can show a landlord a restraining order and the landlord is obliged to end the lease and let the victim move out without seizing the deposit as rent forgone. But, check your jurisdiction.

I would be concerned that the reality of your situation is that a neighbor who chooses to violate the restraining order can move to harm you in less time than it will take the police to respond to a 911 call. RN, he's just talking to you, but it's entirely unpredictable whether one day he'll just show up with a gun.

Read up on the Violence Against Women Act [VAWA].

If you are renting, your landlord is obligated to allow you to move to another unit of your choosing (if that is what you want to do vs. moving altogether.)
Because not everyone wants to move or can afford to upend their homes because of a douchebag ex slash stalker.
At least that way this person does not know where you live at.

But he lives in the complex, knows what car she drives and where she works.

If it's a large real estate company, perhaps she can transfer to another complex.

[Anonymous]

You seem to have posted an almost identical situation more than a year ago (except in that thread you said you dated for 2.5 years, off/on). He's a creep. He’s not going to stop being a creep. He has continued with the same creepy, violating behavior all this time. Do whatever you can to move. The less proximity, the better.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1224560.page

[Anonymous]

^^ I am the OP and I definitely see parallels in both situations (as well as similar writing styles) but I can guarantee that I did not write this.

Thank you to everyone who has offered me solid advice.