What Good Are Restraining Orders ?

[Anonymous]

Okay long story short, I dated this guy who lives in the same condo complex as I do.
We were off + on for about 15 mos. - - - - he was extremely abusive.
I.e., wouldn’t let me leave his house, would restrain me using force, gave me a few black eyes, etc.
Anyway I successfully obtained a restraining order against him which he abided by the past six mos.
However most recently he has violated it.
He hasn’t called or come to my house > but since all the condos share a common lobby mailbox, he will see me when I check my mail and will shout things at me.
I.e., “Hey there!”, “What?? You cannot say Hi to me?!”, etc.

For proof, I record him on my cellphone and have contacted the Police.
When they come to my house and I show them my video while telling them how he talks to me they agree that he is in violation of the order then go to his house to talk to him.
Well my ex turns his lights off, is quiet…he doesn’t answer his door pretending he is not home.

This has happened 2x thus far.
The police concede that they know he is likely avoiding them on purpose but said that they cannot “bust in” to his home w/o a warrant, etc.

I feel like my ex is playing a game w/me and the cops are sympathetic to my plight, they haven’t been much help. 😔

Is there anything else I can do to punish this guy for violating the order of protection?
Because it is starting to feel useless at this point….

[Anonymous]

I assume the order says he can't come near your condo. It doesn't say he can't check his mail.

[Anonymous]

Can they go to his job and arrest him there?

[Anonymous]

Maybe go to the court that issued the order and petition for contempt.

[Anonymous]

I would move out of there yesterday!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would move out of there yesterday!

This!!! I know you shouldn't have to move and he is the one breaking the law, but your safety is way more important than being right.

[Anonymous]

No, abused women have been killed with their restraining orders in hand for decades. The life of women is not valued. You need to move.

[Anonymous]

Can you move out?

[Anonymous]

Maybe time to consider a move - selling your condo.

[Anonymous]

MOVE.

[Anonymous]

Move

But also go back to court tell the judge he will be arrested

[Anonymous]

Doesn't the restraining order say he can't make contact with you, ie speak, and you have proof he did? Then they should be getting a warrant and arrest him. The thing is he may not be in jail long and then you've enraged him.

These sound like some lazy ass police.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, abused women have been killed with their restraining orders in hand for decades. The life of women is not valued. You need to move.

It’s a piece of paper. It’s not going to “protect” you. It’s a thing that helps on the back end, but not in the moment. We are really on our own, ladies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would move out of there yesterday!

This!!! I know you shouldn't have to move and he is the one breaking the law, but your safety is way more important than being right.

+1. Please move asap. My SIL was killed with an active restraining order against her ex. Hopefully he is not stalking you. Check your car for tracking devices.

[Anonymous]

Get a big dog, or a big boyfriend, or a big "stick". Change your schedules. Talk to your property management about installing cameras and a "no loitering" sign in the mailroom. Document everything.

But really? Move. As pps have said, you shouldn't have to, but arguing the right of way with an oncoming semi is a losing game. The dude is a total POS loser who isn't going to improve. Either find a way to be okay with that (difficult), or accept it and act accordingly.