Help! What Do I Do??! 😯

[Anonymous]

I live in a very large apartment complex.

I dated a guy who lives in my building for about 2.5 yrs.
It was a very physically abusive relationship & I was granted a permanent restraining order against my ex as he has been bothering me non-stop stalking, harassment, etc.
We have been broken up for about 7 mos. yet he still bothers me.
I have called the police on him but when they go to his apartment to talk to him he pretends he is not home and does not answer his door.

I have provided my property manager w/copies of the restraining order as well as police reports and he had promised me that I could transfer apartment units (different building/same complex) under a DV protection program in my state.
(WAVA)
He offered me a unit about a month ago and I eagerly prepared for a potential move.

Shortly after he offered me the specific apartment, he then changed his mind and told me it would be easier for him to just evict my ex.
He asked me to be patient as he was mandated to give my ex 60-90 days notice to move out.

Problem is, my ex is not moving and the landlord likely will have to get a judge’s order to formally evict.
My ex suspects me of being involved and is purposely watching me and my guests, at all times making me nervous.
He stares at my apartment for a long time thus intimidating me.
He also goes to the mailbox centre when he sees me there as well as the laundry hut when I do my laundry there.

Yet because of the r/o he is “careful” not to speak to me or approach me.

I just want to move into the unit I was originally offered but the manager is insisting it will be easier to just evict my ex.

In the meantime I am in limbo and want the LL to stick with the original plan.
When I call him, he never responds to my voicemails and doesn’t return my calls.
My email messages also are not answered.
Today I went into the leasing office and was told that the manager was out sick but I saw his car in the parking lot.
I feel like he is avoiding me and going back on his initial offer.

What can I do now??
I just want to move on.

Literally as well as figuratively.

Please help me out!

[Anonymous]

to recap:

Abusive relationship with ex-boyfriend living in same complex. Restraining order granted. Requested transfer to different unit. Landlord initially agreed but later changed mind. Ex-boyfriend continues to harass. Landlord avoiding communication. Individual wants to move, feels landlord is going back on promise.

Just move and break the lease.

[Anonymous]

This feels copy and pasted from another website.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:to recap:

Abusive relationship with ex-boyfriend living in same complex. Restraining order granted. Requested transfer to different unit. Landlord initially agreed but later changed mind. Ex-boyfriend continues to harass. Landlord avoiding communication. Individual wants to move, feels landlord is going back on promise.

Just move and break the lease.

Unfortunately I had just signed a new lease on January 15 & when I mentioned breaking it to the property manager as my initial plan going forward, he told me that was not an option in this situation because if I did this - I would owe monies for the months I wasn’t living in the unit unless I could find someone to sublet the unit to.
(I live in CA.)
So it just sounded easier to me if I transferred apartments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This feels copy and pasted from another website.

Really??

Nope, sadly this is all 100% true + it is my life right at the moment.

I wish it were some great creative writing project but unfortunately it is all my own.

-OP

[Anonymous]

You are making your problem the landlord's problem. While I am sympathetic to your situation, your landlord is not required by law to do anything. Anything he does for you is a favor.

Why would a landlord evict a tenant (your ex) if he is paying rent on time? That makes no sense. In any case, it sounds like you live in California but you should research the eviction law and see how long it takes. It takes months in DC. VA is the fastest in the DMV. I suspect California is similar to DC.

[Anonymous]

Just move. Take control of your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just move. Take control of your life.

Yeah, this.

If you really feel your safety is at risk, eat the few months of rent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:to recap:

Abusive relationship with ex-boyfriend living in same complex. Restraining order granted. Requested transfer to different unit. Landlord initially agreed but later changed mind. Ex-boyfriend continues to harass. Landlord avoiding communication. Individual wants to move, feels landlord is going back on promise.

Just move and break the lease.

Look for domestic violence legal aid organizations that may be able to help here.

Also, find and read the domestic violence legislation - what does it require the landlord to do? Is eviction of the offender one of the options? Because if not, then the landlord likely needs to allow you to move.

And who is the landlord? Is it a private individual or a corporation? Who exactly have you been talking to? Because a letter laying out the facts and law may be very effective in this situation.

Call the police for every violation of the restraining order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:to recap:

Abusive relationship with ex-boyfriend living in same complex. Restraining order granted. Requested transfer to different unit. Landlord initially agreed but later changed mind. Ex-boyfriend continues to harass. Landlord avoiding communication. Individual wants to move, feels landlord is going back on promise.

Just move and break the lease.

Look for domestic violence legal aid organizations that may be able to help here.

Also, find and read the domestic violence legislation - what does it require the landlord to do? Is eviction of the offender one of the options? Because if not, then the landlord likely needs to allow you to move.

And who is the landlord? Is it a private individual or a corporation? Who exactly have you been talking to? Because a letter laying out the facts and law may be very effective in this situation.

Call the police for every violation of the restraining order.

Agreed. A strongly worded letter on some legal letterhead might be all the landlord, private or corporate, might need to avoid trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:to recap:

Abusive relationship with ex-boyfriend living in same complex. Restraining order granted. Requested transfer to different unit. Landlord initially agreed but later changed mind. Ex-boyfriend continues to harass. Landlord avoiding communication. Individual wants to move, feels landlord is going back on promise.

Just move and break the lease.

Look for domestic violence legal aid organizations that may be able to help here.

Also, find and read the domestic violence legislation - what does it require the landlord to do? Is eviction of the offender one of the options? Because if not, then the landlord likely needs to allow you to move.

And who is the landlord? Is it a private individual or a corporation? Who exactly have you been talking to? Because a letter laying out the facts and law may be very effective in this situation.

Call the police for every violation of the restraining order.

Thx for your helpful response PP.

Under the Women Against Violence Act (WAVA) if a tenant is a victim of DV/stalking, then she has the right to ask her landlord for a transfer unit if she does not feel safe where she currently resides.
The landlord is obligated by law to prioritize this request and move the tenant to a unit where the tenant feels safe.
(All transfer units are left to the discretion of the resident - not the landlord)

The law does not mandate that if the offender resides on the same property that the offender is to be evicted.

I think the manager is just choosing to do this after giving my situation some thought.
It will probably be easier for him to evict my ex vs. transferring me to another unit.

But the main point here is that my landlord offered me a specific unit.
Then they changed their mind and I do not think this is fair at all.

For five days, I was under the impression that I would be moving and I began packing and also contacted a moving company (thankfully I did not put down a deposit!)
Then five days later I find out the landlord changed his mind.
Plus I get the feeling he is intentionally dodging my calls, office visits, messages, etc. because I can no longer get ahold of him.

I think he knows he promised me another apartment & is not supposed to renege on his offer so he is avoiding me.

- OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:to recap:

Abusive relationship with ex-boyfriend living in same complex. Restraining order granted. Requested transfer to different unit. Landlord initially agreed but later changed mind. Ex-boyfriend continues to harass. Landlord avoiding communication. Individual wants to move, feels landlord is going back on promise.

Just move and break the lease.

Look for domestic violence legal aid organizations that may be able to help here.

Also, find and read the domestic violence legislation - what does it require the landlord to do? Is eviction of the offender one of the options? Because if not, then the landlord likely needs to allow you to move.

And who is the landlord? Is it a private individual or a corporation? Who exactly have you been talking to? Because a letter laying out the facts and law may be very effective in this situation.

Call the police for every violation of the restraining order.

Agreed. A strongly worded letter on some legal letterhead might be all the landlord, private or corporate, might need to avoid trouble.

I have decided to have a paid consultation w/a local Landlord/Tenant attorney and give him details on my circumstances.

If he suggests, I will have him send my property manager a letter from him.

Sucks that I have to pay out of pocket for this, it would be nice if I could go to small claims court + get the money reimbursed since I work full-time yet barely make enough to get by.

CA is very expensive to live in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:to recap:

Abusive relationship with ex-boyfriend living in same complex. Restraining order granted. Requested transfer to different unit. Landlord initially agreed but later changed mind. Ex-boyfriend continues to harass. Landlord avoiding communication. Individual wants to move, feels landlord is going back on promise.

Just move and break the lease.

Look for domestic violence legal aid organizations that may be able to help here.

Also, find and read the domestic violence legislation - what does it require the landlord to do? Is eviction of the offender one of the options? Because if not, then the landlord likely needs to allow you to move.

And who is the landlord? Is it a private individual or a corporation? Who exactly have you been talking to? Because a letter laying out the facts and law may be very effective in this situation.

Call the police for every violation of the restraining order.

If the authorities cannot reach the defendant in a restraining order they cannot arrest them. So if they go to the defendant’s front door and the defendant does not open it after knocking several times, then unfortunately police officers do not have the authority to enter the home (sans a search warrant)
They could go to an offender’s place of employment but again, if the offender chooses to hide out the cops have their hands tied.

*Restraining/Protective orders are really not even worth the paper they are printed on.
They are utterly worthless*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just move. Take control of your life.

Yeah, this.

If you really feel your safety is at risk, eat the few months of rent.

It is not worth ruining your credit over an annoying ex boyfriend. In the long run the money you lose will definitely be worth every penny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This feels copy and pasted from another website.

I think I've seen it here before. A couple of years ago.