DD 15 overly judgmental towards schools fundraising

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried telling her that many people cannot afford that expense and that financial aid is used to expand the student body so that it is not all really wealthy people attending?

I guess part of the problem is that there are people in the 1% of earners getting financial aid in this area so that is a hard argument to make. The slightly less well off are getting financial aid to attend your school? Hard argument to make.

It’s not a hard argument. People don’t want a u shaped income curve. Private school tuition is very expensive, so that means aid to people with relatively high income. Financial aid isn’t a prize for being worthy, it’s just a mechanism to help the school achieve its vision for whatever. If it were a prize, it would be cash and they would let the families decide what to use it on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s right! You send her to a very expensive school.

This is a great opportunity. Assign her to analyze the school’s 990. If it’s religious, she can start with the annual report and maybe ask questions based on other school 990s. Also have her look into the per pupil spending at the local public. Have her look into how to consider capital costs and special education when you look at the per pupil numbers for public.

I would tell her that you’re planning to give $1000 or whatever you’re planning to give and if she writes a compelling memo arguing for giving it somewhere else, you’ll redirect it.

Ooo and the memo should also have to respond to the use of property taxes to fund public schools. She could get into the history but also just compare and contrast it with tuition, financial aid, and extra giving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re unlikely to get much sympathy here, where there’s a very vocal group of parents who agree with your daughter.

I have no issue with school fundraising and we participate to the extent we can every year ($150-200 to the annual fund, another $100ish and volunteer time to the performing arts boosters).

But I’m not sure why your DD is even caught up in the issue. My 17 y.o. has pretty much zero awareness of it. Maybe just talk to her about what your own view of the situation is (whether or not it matches hers) and help her see that there are different perspectives, and that for now, tuition and whether or not to contribute more is your decision as a parent and not something she as a student needs to stress about.

This is not something to brag about about.

It’s not a brag, it’s a statement of fact. The school’s fundraising efforts and the contents of solicitation emails to parents have zero impact, and should have zero impact, on my child’s day-to-day experience and responsibilities for being a focused student and doing their best work. The finances are my problem, not theirs. DC is fully aware of our family’s financial situation as it pertains to their college search, and that’s what is needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has to be fake. Kids have more going on in their life than this. Nice try, OP!

Well, some people have kids who like to take an active interest in their school and education. Not everyone, I guess.

[Anonymous]

You have done a reasonably good job of explaining the independent school business model. Either your DD can’t understand it or she doesn’t want to try. Either way, you might suggest to her that she would be more comfortable at your local public school given her concerns.

[Anonymous]

Fundraising pays for many students tuition, why doesn't she understand that? Does she also understand that private schools do not get as many subsidies as public so its more expensive to run/pay staff? Its your responsibility to teach her these things as she will come off as entitled, out of touch, tone deaf and ignorant if she continues with these rants.

Its one thing to comment on how ridiculous it is for a 60k/year school to charge students $10 each for a dance, its another to poo poo actual fundraising efforts that give her an excellent school environment.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter is the epitome of virtue signaling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have done a reasonably good job of explaining the independent school business model. Either your DD can’t understand it or she doesn’t want to try. Either way, you might suggest to her that she would be more comfortable at your local public school given her concerns.

Empty threat and the DD will know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she’s responding to the hypocrisy of financial aid?

“Hypocrisy of financial aid”? Sorry, please explain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has to be fake. Kids have more going on in their life than this. Nice try, OP!

Well, some people have kids who like to take an active interest in their school and education. Not everyone, I guess.

Fundraising has nothing to do with your kid. They are hitting up the parents. Presumably your kid is not independently wealthy?

[Anonymous]

She's entirely correct. You know this. I don't know you're posting.

[Anonymous]

Your DD may perceive that kids on FA and from struggling families also get hit up for spirit days and 100% participation.

[Anonymous]

Does your school have a financial report?

Maybe going over the costs of operating a campus could be discussed.

My dad was an accountant and used to review spreadsheets with us about how much some of our activities and "needs" required. My mother (in her 70s) recently told me that when my brother moved out to live in another state he explained that in the new place, they charge for utilities. He literally though that those things came with the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DD may perceive that kids on FA and from struggling families also get hit up for spirit days and 100% participation.

I thought no one - no one! - knows who’s on FA!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DD may perceive that kids on FA and from struggling families also get hit up for spirit days and 100% participation.

I thought no one - no one! - knows who’s on FA!

Nice joke.