DD 15 overly judgmental towards schools fundraising

[Anonymous]

I’m hoping for some perspective. We’re in the DC area at a (very) expensive independent school, and while I knew what we were signing up for financially, I don’t think my 15-year-old DD fully understands the economics of it all.

Lately she’s been extremely critical of the school’s fundraising efforts, parent emails asking for donations, the “100% parent participation” push, even smaller things like spirit days and giving days. Her comments range from “Why are they asking for more money when tuition is already insane?” to “This just feels greedy.” She rolls her eyes at the emails and has even made snarky remarks about it in front of other parents.

I’ve tried explaining that tuition doesn’t cover the full cost of educating each student, that financial aid is a major priority, that teacher salaries(our private pays the teachers very well), facilities, arts, athletics, etc., all require supplemental funding. I’ve also explained that strong fundraising keeps the school competitive and allows for the programs she enjoys (which she very much does enjoy!).

Her response is basically: “Then why is tuition so high in the first place?”

Part of me admires that she’s thinking critically about money and equity. Another part of me worries she just doesn’t grasp how expensive it is to run a school like this especially in the DC area and that she’s being a bit naïve and judgmental without understanding the bigger picture.

Has anyone else dealt with this? Is this just typical teenage idealism? Do I lean into the conversation about privilege and economics, or shut down the snark and insist on basic respect?

Would love to hear how others have navigated similar attitudes or if it’s just me.

[Anonymous]

Why is she seeing email meant for parents about fundraising? She shouldn’t. Stop trying to convince her. You’ve said your explanation.

[Anonymous]

This is not harmless. Your daughter is running a very real risk of developing classist, elitist attitudes should you not discipline her and make this a learning experience. Talk to her about the necessity of fundraising and who it helps.

[Anonymous]

You’re unlikely to get much sympathy here, where there’s a very vocal group of parents who agree with your daughter.

I have no issue with school fundraising and we participate to the extent we can every year ($150-200 to the annual fund, another $100ish and volunteer time to the performing arts boosters).

But I’m not sure why your DD is even caught up in the issue. My 17 y.o. has pretty much zero awareness of it. Maybe just talk to her about what your own view of the situation is (whether or not it matches hers) and help her see that there are different perspectives, and that for now, tuition and whether or not to contribute more is your decision as a parent and not something she as a student needs to stress about.

[Anonymous]

Why on earth would you expect a 15 year old to understand the economics of it all? That you seem a little defensive about it makes me think you know she’s at least partially right. Have an honest conversation with your kid.

[Anonymous]

I mean, she’s probably right. I’m guessing there are a lot of places the budget could be cut and still provide a solid education. Every private I’ve ever been a part of had a lot of optional line items in the budget. There have been some fundraising campaigns I absolutely was against and didn’t donate too, and others I wholeheartedly funded.

I’d tell her when it’s her turn to educate her children and spend her money, she can spend based on her priorities. You are doing the same. Presumably you value and prioritize all those extra things in this campaign that she might not (yet or ever). That’s okay.

[Anonymous]

This has to be fake. Kids have more going on in their life than this. Nice try, OP!

[Anonymous]

Your daughter is the voice of a new generation and it doesn’t matter if you’re not comfortable listening to her; you NEED to. What she says, what her concerns are, these are things we all have felt, and now it’s time to pass the torch. It’s like the poem about the maze, you know? Sometimes it’s time to let go and just let it happen. Let it happen. Let it happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has to be fake. Kids have more going on in their life than this. Nice try, OP!

Agree. No expensive area private pays teachers very well or focuses on FA.

[Anonymous]

She probably sees how classist the whole thing is. I'm sure you are zoned for a perfectly fine public school. Maybe she should go there?

[Anonymous]

She's completely right.

[Anonymous]

So tell her you’re pulling her next year and sending her to public. That usually shuts any of my daughter’s complaining down.

[Anonymous]

So tell her you’re pulling her next year and sending her to public. That usually shuts any of my daughter’s complaining down.

[Anonymous]

I agree with her 100%. She probably sees the ridiculous things the school wastes money on, the useless administrators, and how the financial aid comes off as white savior. If she’s seen pictures of a fancy school fundraising event where the women spend more on their clothing and makeup than they donate, she likely clocked the hypocrisy even if she can’t put her finger on exactly what bothers her about it.

Your daughter is turning into an adult and you should be delighted she is thinking for herself and forming valid opinions. Instead of trying to change her mind, maybe listen to her!

[Anonymous]

Maybe she’s responding to the hypocrisy of financial aid?