UVA professor: get married young

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one can afford to have kids at 22.

Healthcare are you kidding??
Jobs ?

And now with no vaccines hell no

I had a kid at 24 with a man 7 years older. Really the only way that works salary wise. I was still in schooling.

[Anonymous]

I had my first child at 30, they will be leaving the nest when I’m 48. I think it’s ideal.

But no one can control love. I do think one should enjoy their twenties, too many people feel trapped and resentful when they settle down too young - men and women.

[Anonymous]

I am so glad I waited until I found my husband before I got married. The guy I dated before him was super abusive and thankfully I got out before it got to the point of marriage. Anyway, I was 30 when I got married and going through an abusive relationship made me realize what was important in a partner and my DH is the best partner I could ask for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem I’ve seen is that often people change a LOT between 20 and 50. And not always in a way that can sustain the connection. I didn’t find my soul mate until my late 30’s. He’s not someone I would have fallen for in my early 20’s. Yes I’m 60 and still have kids in college. But I’m so glad I waited for my special someone.

How was he when you were in your 20s and which kinds of men did you choose to get involved with in your twenties?

[Anonymous]

Brunch granny!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As surprised as I would be... on a rational level, I fully support this. Marry and have kids in your twenties. They'll be out and you'll have a whole second life ahead of you in your 40s. Wait a decade and all the money earning years will go to your kids. If you have them young when you have nothing... you don't even know better and can just roll with it all. I did it all wrong for the record. Spent my 20s working, finding myself and living the dream... paying for it now and probably well towards 60s as we have college, high school and grammar school kids now in school til 2037.... I'll be the OLDEST parent at graduation and in the poor house.

If kids are the sole purpose it's better than have them in your mid 30s and beyond, and it seems like you do want them out of the house as fast as possible anyway, so why not just enjoy your child free young years which is better than enjoying an 40s empty nest.

[Anonymous]

Well that was a read. I found it a bit sophomoric. It puts forth a dichotomous view of the life building that happens in your 20s as if people can’t walk and chew gum at the same time. It also only highlights the authors values around early marriage and children (which appear religiously driven) while glossing over any inconvenient statistics on higher divorce rates for people under 24 (and the potential fallout for any kids of those unions) and let’s not even mention any data on rates of abuse, alcoholism, etc. in financially struggling families.

Imo the author fails to acknowledge the gravity of marriage and the choosing of a life partner. He’s quick to lay out all the “selfish” things to avoid - like trips to Thailand - but that’s all surface noise. It ignores the meat and potatoes of building a partnership and family. And maybe he does that because, like Charlie Kirk, he comes at this perspective based on religious beliefs so in his mind religion should be the foundation of any marriage - but from a sociological perspective - of which he is a professor - that ignores a huge swath of society.

He also used the phrase “put a ring on it” twice. 🤢

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well that was a read. I found it a bit sophomoric. It puts forth a dichotomous view of the life building that happens in your 20s as if people can’t walk and chew gum at the same time. It also only highlights the authors values around early marriage and children (which appear religiously driven) while glossing over any inconvenient statistics on higher divorce rates for people under 24 (and the potential fallout for any kids of those unions) and let’s not even mention any data on rates of abuse, alcoholism, etc. in financially struggling families.

Imo the author fails to acknowledge the gravity of marriage and the choosing of a life partner. He’s quick to lay out all the “selfish” things to avoid - like trips to Thailand - but that’s all surface noise. It ignores the meat and potatoes of building a partnership and family. And maybe he does that because, like Charlie Kirk, he comes at this perspective based on religious beliefs so in his mind religion should be the foundation of any marriage - but from a sociological perspective - of which he is a professor - that ignores a huge swath of society.

He also used the phrase “put a ring on it” twice. 🤢

Exactly. There is anecdotal evidence in both directions, as evidenced by the comments here, but it is important to look at actual data. I’m happy for everyone whose personal timeline has worked well for them (mine included, and I’m on the later side to marriage and parenthood), but I don’t draw larger conclusions and wouldn’t presume to tell others what’s best for them.

[Anonymous]

How is this a post for the college forum?

[Anonymous]

This isn’t actually an article about what is best for young people. It is a culture wars article intended to control women.

Pro tip - nobody except some trolls on the internet care if you get married at 22. More power to you. But if your family and friends who actually know you express reservations about your marriage plans - maybe you should listen, no matter what your age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one can afford to have kids at 22.

Healthcare are you kidding??
Jobs ?

And now with no vaccines hell no

They can all be on grandmas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well that was a read. I found it a bit sophomoric. It puts forth a dichotomous view of the life building that happens in your 20s as if people can’t walk and chew gum at the same time. It also only highlights the authors values around early marriage and children (which appear religiously driven) while glossing over any inconvenient statistics on higher divorce rates for people under 24 (and the potential fallout for any kids of those unions) and let’s not even mention any data on rates of abuse, alcoholism, etc. in financially struggling families.

Imo the author fails to acknowledge the gravity of marriage and the choosing of a life partner. He’s quick to lay out all the “selfish” things to avoid - like trips to Thailand - but that’s all surface noise. It ignores the meat and potatoes of building a partnership and family. And maybe he does that because, like Charlie Kirk, he comes at this perspective based on religious beliefs so in his mind religion should be the foundation of any marriage - but from a sociological perspective - of which he is a professor - that ignores a huge swath of society.

He also used the phrase “put a ring on it” twice. 🤢

Exactly. There is anecdotal evidence in both directions, as evidenced by the comments here, but it is important to look at actual data. I’m happy for everyone whose personal timeline has worked well for them (mine included, and I’m on the later side to marriage and parenthood), but I don’t draw larger conclusions and wouldn’t presume to tell others what’s best for them.

+1. And if your goal is to promote younger marriages, then why do it by disdaining other people’s choices? To me, that is what makes clear that this is a culture-wars screed and not an honest attempt to get people to see life opportunities they may not have seen. If you want to convince young people to marry and have kids young then show them how lovely family life and kids are, and how to make it work economically. Don’t berate other choices.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well that was a read. I found it a bit sophomoric. It puts forth a dichotomous view of the life building that happens in your 20s as if people can’t walk and chew gum at the same time. It also only highlights the authors values around early marriage and children (which appear religiously driven) while glossing over any inconvenient statistics on higher divorce rates for people under 24 (and the potential fallout for any kids of those unions) and let’s not even mention any data on rates of abuse, alcoholism, etc. in financially struggling families.

Imo the author fails to acknowledge the gravity of marriage and the choosing of a life partner. He’s quick to lay out all the “selfish” things to avoid - like trips to Thailand - but that’s all surface noise. It ignores the meat and potatoes of building a partnership and family. And maybe he does that because, like Charlie Kirk, he comes at this perspective based on religious beliefs so in his mind religion should be the foundation of any marriage - but from a sociological perspective - of which he is a professor - that ignores a huge swath of society.

He also used the phrase “put a ring on it” twice. 🤢

Exactly. There is anecdotal evidence in both directions, as evidenced by the comments here, but it is important to look at actual data. I’m happy for everyone whose personal timeline has worked well for them (mine included, and I’m on the later side to marriage and parenthood), but I don’t draw larger conclusions and wouldn’t presume to tell others what’s best for them.

You never advised your children on what was best for them?

[Anonymous]

The only reason I wish I had my kid younger than 36 is so I could be younger and more energetic for more of his life. OTOH having kids young is no guarantee of a long life either. And of course it is better to wait for the right person than have a kid at 22 with the wrong person.

Also I did not plan it this way, but waiting allowed me to have enough financial stability that when I needed to, I could get divorced and still support my child. Of course, this is actually a negative in Mr Wilcox’s view no doubt. One of the reasons to make women have babies younger is that they have fewer options for leaving bad marriages.

[Anonymous]

My sons are 26 and 23 and they each have a handful of married friends.

Some super religious and well eager to haves and a few who got someone pregnant.

The reality is I think it’s reasonable to find someone when you are early 20’s to marry. Some wait and some go for it.

My 26 yo, friends with girlfriends 2 + years life together or are married. A few have kids.

My 23 year old is just getting there. A few got married (super religious) and 2 got girlfriend’s pregnant.

They aren’t 18 … 23 is pretty reasonable for a small %