How do people who aren’t rich help their parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some states come after next of kin for elder neglect.

As PP have said, neglect is if you're a caregiver, the elder lives with you and then say you refuse to feed them or clean them. It's not if you don't pay $1000 a month to the elder (or whatever other amount). It's like child neglect. If you don't feed your children and they go around hungry, it's child neglect. If you don't give them $100 a month or don't feed them caviar, it's not.

[Anonymous]

20 states have filial responsibility laws. It’s the state where the parent lives that counts, not the state the adult relatives live in.

It is rarely used BUT more facilities are turning to this law now because of the deep cuts to eldercare programs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:20 states have filial responsibility laws. It’s the state where the parent lives that counts, not the state the adult relatives live in.

It is rarely used BUT more facilities are turning to this law now because of the deep cuts to eldercare programs.

I wonder how they determine your contribution amount, like is it 5% of gross income or some other formula

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:20 states have filial responsibility laws. It’s the state where the parent lives that counts, not the state the adult relatives live in.

It is rarely used BUT more facilities are turning to this law now because of the deep cuts to eldercare programs.

First of all it seems to specifically apply
to nursing home bills that are unpaid-exclusively and it’s the only history of this law actually being applied I can find. Secondly if you looked up the law itself and read the original post you would see that this particular parent was not the main parent and by all deductive reasoning-did not support the OP when they were a child. Therefore the law doesn’t apply regardless. But realistically no child should be obligated to financially support their parent-ever. That is insane and I would guess that any competent lawyer would be able to argue against a specific child having to pay a parent’s bills.

[Anonymous]

To be clear, I am strictly answering the equation in the headline. Not saying you should be helping your father in any way.

I moved my father to a state with generous Medicaid laws. There is a share of cost version of Medicaid here and then you jump thru some hoops to eliminate it. Then there is in home support that pays me for taking care of my parent (state program).

[Anonymous]

*question!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be clear, I am strictly answering the equation in the headline. Not saying you should be helping your father in any way.

I moved my father to a state with generous Medicaid laws. There is a share of cost version of Medicaid here and then you jump thru some hoops to eliminate it. Then there is in home support that pays me for taking care of my parent (state program).

Medicaid is a federal program.

[Anonymous]

What state?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be clear, I am strictly answering the equation in the headline. Not saying you should be helping your father in any way.

I moved my father to a state with generous Medicaid laws. There is a share of cost version of Medicaid here and then you jump thru some hoops to eliminate it. Then there is in home support that pays me for taking care of my parent (state program).

So you are actually your parents caregiver which of course comes with elder abuse liability. Being a child who has a limited relationship with a parent out of state who from what I am reading-was never a main parent is not remotely equivalent. I imagine if any of these cases are taken to court they would be thrown out pretty quickly. I wonder if they base things on like “your father paid 200k for your college education and you owe that back to him” kind of thing? I imagine if there isn’t any provable financial support it really doesn’t have a chance of being substantiated.

[Anonymous]

I understand how you would feel a little bit guilty over this, but know that this IS your Father’s complete doing & only he can help himself. 😀

[Anonymous]

You say no, repeatedly. I’ve had multiple social workers try to guilt me into helping my mother in various untenable ways. It’s not fun, but clearly and firmly saying no gets less difficult with practice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What state?

NJ

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be clear, I am strictly answering the equation in the headline. Not saying you should be helping your father in any way.

I moved my father to a state with generous Medicaid laws. There is a share of cost version of Medicaid here and then you jump thru some hoops to eliminate it. Then there is in home support that pays me for taking care of my parent (state program).

Medicaid is a federal program.

For seniors its long term care medicaid and its administered by the states so the benefits are different in every state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You contact a social worker or your county department of aging and ask them how they can help

Thanks. Is this free? Or is this something you pay an hourly rate for?

Area Office on Aging or County Department of Aging are free. They can do a benefits checkup to see if he qualifies for any kind of assistance.

Also if he served in the military see if the VA can help at all. I have a relative who is getting some kind of monthly payment from a charity associated with the VFW or American Legion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be clear, I am strictly answering the equation in the headline. Not saying you should be helping your father in any way.

I moved my father to a state with generous Medicaid laws. There is a share of cost version of Medicaid here and then you jump thru some hoops to eliminate it. Then there is in home support that pays me for taking care of my parent (state program).

So you are actually your parents caregiver which of course comes with elder abuse liability. Being a child who has a limited relationship with a parent out of state who from what I am reading-was never a main parent is not remotely equivalent. I imagine if any of these cases are taken to court they would be thrown out pretty quickly. I wonder if they base things on like “your father paid 200k for your college education and you owe that back to him” kind of thing? I imagine if there isn’t any provable financial support it really doesn’t have a chance of being substantiated.

My husband moved out when he was 16, and we still took care of her.