Appropriate Consequences for Forging Note?

[Anonymous]

The problem isn't that they forged your name, it's that there is so little trust between you two that your child found it necessary to hide and lie.

I have always allowed my very responsible high schoolers to take off from school whenever they were sick, or had too much schoolwork to finish, or had an important event, a music competition or a funeral, for example.

Children need to learn how to prioritize, and sometimes, attending school is not the most important thing they need to do. School attendance solely for the sake of school attendance is stupid and short-sighted.

Punishing your child for forging your name is justified, OP. But the real problem lies elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

I would have a good laugh if my senior forged a note, but she would never have to because I couldn’t care less if a kid with just a few months of high school left misses an occasional period. College apps are in, it’s almost over. Just let them relax a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do NOT tell the school. Are you crazy? You don't want school administrators thinking poorly of him or this going on his record!

Ground him or whatever it is you do. Take away car or phone or whatever. But don't tell the school. That is idiotic.

What record? His permanent life record? Like this will prevent him from getting a job when he's 43? Lol, you're so funny.

[Anonymous]

Your kid is behaving this way because he has a shitty parent. YOU are the problem, OP.

[Anonymous]

Starting in high school, I made sure that I had a duplicate of the first piece of paperwork my parents signed each year, and I would re-do it with my version of their signatures. I was always pretty good at my dad's, but my mom's was harder. Anyway, I signed everything until I turned 18 and then I was able to sign my own excuse notes.

So in this case, give your kid a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to introspect about why there are so many power struggles going on with your almost-adult kid. They should have been able to just ask you to take the period off to pack and they should have known you would have said yes. Your kid is almost an adult and you need to start letting go.

You haven’t said anything that makes me think the kid needs a higher level of control over their life - are they not getting into college? Drugs? Alcohol?

At this age they need to be getting basically as much personal freedom as possible. You need to be redefining house rules for what you expect for an adult child - like being polite, keeping you informed about their coming and going times, taking part in chores, keeping spaces clean, etc.

This. So weird you would be controlling about the kid skipping a period of school. Mine would ask and I would ask what class they had and if they tell me it's not a problem for them to skip, then skip. Or if it seemed like a bad idea, I'd say that seems like maybe a bad idea but your decision. Whatever consequence there is for skipping the class, your role is to guide them through thinking through the decision but let them make that decision.

This! Your kid is about to leave home, they need to have to be making these decisions on their own with just your guidance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC is a senior. What do you feel are the appropriate consequences for forging an attendance note and leaving school early? I'm very tempted to tell the school, along with taking away the car. Thanks for your input.

Tell the school? The administrators will laugh at you. Wise parents allow their kids to miss school occasionally. Wise kids learn to prioritize their many obligations and duties.

You sound entirely clueless about how the world works, OP, and it doesn't seem like you were cut out to be a parent. I pity your kid who felt desperate enough to forge your signature. This is the consequence of bad parenting.

[Anonymous]

What's with the note? Why couldn't he just take a day or few hours off?
Mine skipped school 30 days a year x 4 years of high school. I did tell him to make sure he graduated.
He would have never dared to get me involved by forging my signature. Just him and school.
He is doing well in college and in life. Sometimes they just need less school and less parenting.

[Anonymous]

In most districts an 18 year old can sign themselves out and write their own notes. I wouldn’t tell the school but I would take away the car for 2 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is behaving this way because he has a shitty parent. YOU are the problem, OP.

YOU are the problem if you feel like it's your goal in life to toss profanity at parents seeking guidance on the internet. OP is asking for guidance and experiences from others because she knows her kid did something wrong. No need to post unproductive insults that your family would be ashamed of.

[Anonymous]

I only read the OP's first post.

Been through the high school years once with DS21 now in college, and in the thick of it again with DDs17 current seniors.

If his grades are good and he didn't do anything dangerous or illegal after skipping, I would not care much. I definitely would not tell the school (would not intervene to shield him if they found out some other way though).

I would tell him I know & that I don't approve and will not lie to shield him from consequences. Then I would warn him not to make a habit of it and remind him that our family expects good grades and a fairly clean disciplinary record.

I graduated with a 4.1 weighted & only 2 total detentions my entire high school career and I definitely skipped my fair share of days so that part would not bother me much. The forgery seems fairly mild but I would keep an eye to ensure it doesn't turn into anything financial related or potentially illegal.

[Anonymous]

Take the car

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is behaving this way because he has a shitty parent. YOU are the problem, OP.

YOU are the problem if you feel like it's your goal in life to toss profanity at parents seeking guidance on the internet. OP is asking for guidance and experiences from others because she knows her kid did something wrong. No need to post unproductive insults that your family would be ashamed of.

+10000. Really unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

Eh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d probably take the car but I’d need more context. Is this a first time? What did they miss at school? My kids never forged a note (that I’m aware of) but I remember one day DD left early without permission to avoid a pep rally. She thought she’d go shopping. The consequence was she didn’t get to go.

I don’t blame her. Those things should not be mandatory.