Handling Christmas Transition from a gazillion gifts as they are now working adults

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We simply told them we were having a downsized Christmas now that they were adults. I did this when they were college aged, and our household expenses went up. They agreed and we moved on.

They even enacted a limit on their sibling gifts. One gift around $30.

This! Direct conversation. As for the kid still in college, you can get them what they need apart from the holiday. Separate conversation. If you need x,y,z, you can put it in my Amazon cart.

[Anonymous]

Kids are 23 and 25. This is the year I just kind of reached the end of it. They are both getting $ and stockings. I realized I am just looking for the fun of shopping/giving. They both are employed. One earns more than I do! I realized just having us together is great!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just can't handle buying a $1000 worth of gifts as the kids now can pretty much buy most of what they want without a problem. Looking at how other families transitioned to maybe a 1-2 gifts plus a check. Also, how do you handles the $$ amount when some of the kids have real jobs and don't need as much, but still have a some kids still in school with no job.

We simply made an announcement last year that gift giving would be different. No drama.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 daughters ages 30, 28 and 19 and 2 grandsons. All 5 get the same amount of gifts no matter there age.

They all email me lists and I buy off of what they put on there lists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We simply told them we were having a downsized Christmas now that they were adults. I did this when they were college aged, and our household expenses went up. They agreed and we moved on.

They even enacted a limit on their sibling gifts. One gift around $30.

This! Direct conversation. As for the kid still in college, you can get them what they need apart from the holiday. Separate conversation. If you need x,y,z, you can put it in my Amazon cart.

This is a good approach for handling the fact that the youngest is still in school and not independent, and may have more needs than others. Treat them the same on Christmas morning but help them separately a bit more as you did with older siblings.

But yes, the direct conversation is key. I think a mistake many parents make when their kids become adults is to never address it directly, never discuss how the relationship shifts, etc. That can lead to a lot of resentment and awkwardness. The direct conversation is as much for the parents as it is for the kids, because it forces you to truly acknowledge your kids are grown and your relationship is changing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids.

30--working for Amazon, has long term GF who also has a steady job, and they are on their way to buying a house. They will get tickets to a Ravens game

28--hot mess. Getting divorced and has a 2yr old. She's getting family dinner. Our granddaughter is getting toys. We currently cover her rent and our granddaughter's daycare.

18--freshman in college. She's getting a small piece of equipment for her hobby, some giftcards to restaurants in her college town, a funny keychain and notebook, a knife set, and plane tix for spring break.

15--still in HS. He's getting a hoodie, tickets to a comedy show, a lego set, and scratchers.

Nothing is spectacular but I think the kids are all getting something that will make them happy.

What does “family dinner” include?

I'm guessing a lecture about all the ways she's screwed up her life. Dessert will feature a presentation of all the bills for daycare and rent the generous but long suffering parents must pay due to the daughter's failure at adulting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Four adult kids (39, 37, 32, 29) - all get the same gift, which is anything(s) worth $250. They can send me a list or receive a check. DD 37 is married, and her husband also gets a gift(s) worth $250.

Somehow spending $1,000 for Christmas feels right. I do think it's sort of funny that, with inflation, I've ended up decreasing what we provide for them...which make sense since they're all grown.

Every year my parents give us a check for $200 because that's what their parents gave them when they were alive. It has never occurred to them that $200 in 1977 (when this tradition started) had a bit more purchasing power than today.
They always excitedly ask what we will be spending the check on... I put it in the kids 529s and tell them that and the response is always "you don't need to worry about that. You'll be getting a lot of money when we go." Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids.

30--working for Amazon, has long term GF who also has a steady job, and they are on their way to buying a house. They will get tickets to a Ravens game

28--hot mess. Getting divorced and has a 2yr old. She's getting family dinner. Our granddaughter is getting toys. We currently cover her rent and our granddaughter's daycare.

18--freshman in college. She's getting a small piece of equipment for her hobby, some giftcards to restaurants in her college town, a funny keychain and notebook, a knife set, and plane tix for spring break.

15--still in HS. He's getting a hoodie, tickets to a comedy show, a lego set, and scratchers.

Nothing is spectacular but I think the kids are all getting something that will make them happy.

What does “family dinner” include?

NP I wondered the same thing. I thought maybe it was the name of one of those subscription meal planning kits or something.

[Anonymous]

Money is tighter this year. I redeeemed credit card points for a bunch of gift cards to places they like which was easy. We will go to a show while they are visiting (their request) and a few nice dinners and other activities. I will also get them some things from their Amazon wish lists seng to their homes because they travel here and don't need to schlep stuff back. I think we will do stockings as something fun so there are some things to open. Grandparents will give them gifts too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Four adult kids (39, 37, 32, 29) - all get the same gift, which is anything(s) worth $250. They can send me a list or receive a check. DD 37 is married, and her husband also gets a gift(s) worth $250.

Somehow spending $1,000 for Christmas feels right. I do think it's sort of funny that, with inflation, I've ended up decreasing what we provide for them...which make sense since they're all grown.

Every year my parents give us a check for $200 because that's what their parents gave them when they were alive. It has never occurred to them that $200 in 1977 (when this tradition started) had a bit more purchasing power than today.
They always excitedly ask what we will be spending the check on... I put it in the kids 529s and tell them that and the response is always "you don't need to worry about that. You'll be getting a lot of money when we go." Lol

Why are you assuming they don’t realize how the purchasing power has changed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Four adult kids (39, 37, 32, 29) - all get the same gift, which is anything(s) worth $250. They can send me a list or receive a check. DD 37 is married, and her husband also gets a gift(s) worth $250.

Somehow spending $1,000 for Christmas feels right. I do think it's sort of funny that, with inflation, I've ended up decreasing what we provide for them...which make sense since they're all grown.

Every year my parents give us a check for $200 because that's what their parents gave them when they were alive. It has never occurred to them that $200 in 1977 (when this tradition started) had a bit more purchasing power than today.
They always excitedly ask what we will be spending the check on... I put it in the kids 529s and tell them that and the response is always "you don't need to worry about that. You'll be getting a lot of money when we go." Lol

Why are you assuming they don’t realize how the purchasing power has changed?

Because of the question"what will you be buying?" They expect us to say like a new appliance. They specifically say they want us to buy something nice for our house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Four adult kids (39, 37, 32, 29) - all get the same gift, which is anything(s) worth $250. They can send me a list or receive a check. DD 37 is married, and her husband also gets a gift(s) worth $250.

Somehow spending $1,000 for Christmas feels right. I do think it's sort of funny that, with inflation, I've ended up decreasing what we provide for them...which make sense since they're all grown.

Every year my parents give us a check for $200 because that's what their parents gave them when they were alive. It has never occurred to them that $200 in 1977 (when this tradition started) had a bit more purchasing power than today.
They always excitedly ask what we will be spending the check on... I put it in the kids 529s and tell them that and the response is always "you don't need to worry about that. You'll be getting a lot of money when we go." Lol

Why are you assuming they don’t realize how the purchasing power has changed?

Because of the question"what will you be buying?" They expect us to say like a new appliance. They specifically say they want us to buy something nice for our house.

So what do they say when your reply is something much smaller-like a set of dish towels or a toaster?

[Anonymous]

I grew up in an affluent family that celebrated Christmas extravagantly. Even after I graduated from law school and got married (to a classmate), my parents gave us very large checks. It felt uncomfortable, especially for my husband, who came from a middle-class family. Our kids are now young adults, two of whom are married. At Thanksgiving this year our oldest daughter suggested that we all do Secret Santa with a $100 limit. The other two kids were totally on board. This doesn't mean that we won't treat them for occasional restaurant meals, theatre and concert tickets, and splurge a little on travel, but I'm hopeful that Christmas will feel less focused on "gifting" and more on gratitude for all we have, especially each other.

[Anonymous]

I think you should give an actual present to unwrap to the 28 yo. Jeez.

[Anonymous]

Many people would be thrilled to have a grandchild while still young enough to enjoy her. Not complaining about helping out. So many gen Zs are not planning on children at all.