Handling Christmas Transition from a gazillion gifts as they are now working adults

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just can't handle buying a $1000 worth of gifts as the kids now can pretty much buy most of what they want without a problem. Looking at how other families transitioned to maybe a 1-2 gifts plus a check. Also, how do you handles the $$ amount when some of the kids have real jobs and don't need as much, but still have a some kids still in school with no job.

You tell them before hand that things are winding down. Ironically, the people with jobs might need more $ than those still at home. Checks should be the same amount for all kids, maybe do stockings and a small gift under the tree, or give them the choice between check or gifts. You should also say you are not expecting any gifts either.

[Anonymous]

I feel like when they're working adults is when most parents actual increase the giving. As part of their retirement strategy, many give 19k a year. It surprised me because most of my friends' families are not wealthy and just had regular jobs.

It seems kind of grinchy to not give your kids anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many people would be thrilled to have a grandchild while still young enough to enjoy her. Not complaining about helping out. So many gen Zs are not planning on children at all.

Millennials too. My aunts were very snark about a lady they knew whose son ended up a teen dad. But that lady LOVES the grandchild who she is practically raising and my aunts ended up with no grandkids despite having two kids each.

[Anonymous]

Only because we’re both retiring this year, I went from spending $350 a person to $250. Four adult working children, three w spouses.
Our grandson (6 months old) has enough toys and clothes and we decided early on he gets $250 in his savings account for Christmas and his birthday. Maybe a small toy, in addition to the money, when he realizes he should get gifts.
All told I spend 3k. We just met w our financial planner and I concluded I’d rather spend money on them now because they’ll all get a healthy inheritance as well. No need to cut back too much. It’s fun!

[Anonymous]

Op I have been mulling this over as well. I decided nothing will change until my youngest (19) is out of college. That’s when we will reassess. We spend about $400 on each of them. Sometimes I think it’s too much for their ages, but I liked seeing how excited they were when they opened their gifts. They are also really good about buying thoughtful gifts for people, so that does make a difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's weird when parents go cold turkey.

Have the conversation w/ your children.

The AAA gold membership and one nice thing would be appreciated, I'm sure.

And be sure not to whine about not getting good gifts from your kids... it's gauche

Are you my dad? If so yes thanks we appreciate this! And the money but I hope you know you don't have to…

[Anonymous]

I give my adult kids and their spouses money, and give gifts and money to my grandchildren. Nothing extravagant.

[Anonymous]

For me it is just a natural transition. No need for a big conversation. I got my college age kids some stuff he needs (new shoes, another sweater, an electric tooth brush); some small gift certificates (for food on campus, for a show in the city where he is); and a few funny things for his stocking. We have a tradition of making presents in our family (poems, games, songs, treasure maps) so we have not stopped that. Those are always the presents I remember! He used to only make me something; now he also buys little things.

[Anonymous]

How do you do this fairly when there’s an age gap? I have kids 18, 21 and 23. I want to scale back but feel like my 23 year old has had 23 generous holidays and my 18 year old far fewer. I’m thinking of just announcing to my kids that we stop big gifts at 25. As it is, we’ve been trying to cut back on the budget the last few years. I’m thinking anyone 25 and older would still get a gift but maybe $100 check?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the oldest of four and when I started college my parents told me that I'm an adult and would no longer get Christmas presents. I came home that first Christmas on break and watched all my siblings open presents for a couple hours with not a single gift for me. I had used money from my part time job to get presents for each of them. It was really hurtful, so the following years I went to celebrate Christmas with my boyfriend and his parents (who did include me).

A few years later my siblings hit college age. I expected the same rule would apply to them. But my parents decided it wouldn't feel like Christmas if they didn't give presents, so they kept getting presents for my college-aged siblings. It was super screwed up.

So whatever you do, don't do that. Think about a long term plan that works fairly for all of your kids.

I agree that was screwed up. But I will also say it's not really fair that as the youngest of three, it kinda sucked that my mom stopped doing much for Christmas gift wise around the time I was fourteen and my siblings were in college. They still got to do Christmas all thru high school and I did not. Whatever, I survived, but it kinda sucked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 4 kids.

30--working for Amazon, has long term GF who also has a steady job, and they are on their way to buying a house. They will get tickets to a Ravens game

28--hot mess. Getting divorced and has a 2yr old. She's getting family dinner. Our granddaughter is getting toys. We currently cover her rent and our granddaughter's daycare.

18--freshman in college. She's getting a small piece of equipment for her hobby, some giftcards to restaurants in her college town, a funny keychain and notebook, a knife set, and plane tix for spring break.

15--still in HS. He's getting a hoodie, tickets to a comedy show, a lego set, and scratchers.

Nothing is spectacular but I think the kids are all getting something that will make them happy.

Your 15 YO is getting hosed when I read what you 18 YO is getting.

The 15yr olds tix to the comedy show require a plane trip and an overnight. The comedian he likes is family friendly but not a big name. He's still building his career and plays mostly comedy clubs with a 21+ age requirement. I had to find the show at an all ages location. Does that make things more even or do you still feel he is getting hosed?

DP. Depends. is plane ticket to Florida for spring break or hawaii. Is the equipment a 6k horse saddle or 1k skis or a softball glove.

Plane ticket is to Florida. The equipment is an underwater flashlight.

NP- Jeesus, talk about bean counting. The kids are getting a lot and should be grateful - good job PP!