Parents of juniors, how are you doing?

[Anonymous]

PP- I’m glad you shared, that sounds incredibly stressful in its own way!

OP- this is a good post, I feel similarly with my oldest. For him, it’s immaturity (adhd), he’s just not there yet with dreaming about his future. My younger son in middle school is a complete opposite- already researching careers, their salaries, wants to understand finances and housing prices.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think what college you go to matters, at all. While But your work ethic, ingenuity, and self motivation are everything. I get why OP is disappointed in her son. Having no goals, motivation, or drive isn’t a good. But he has time to develop that- no matter where he ends up for college. I do think it is much harder for kids to be self motivated and ambitious now bc there lives are so easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People from my public school district who began at modest, third-tier local universities later won a Pulitzer Prize, completed degrees at Harvard, and had their work preserved in the Guggenheim Museum's collection and archives. After college, I briefly worked with someone who graduated from a third tier university who went on to win an Oscar (he changed careers).

The salutatorian of my class died from brain cancer when she was 32—just a few years after finishing her medical residency. The valedictorian of the class ahead of me just died of a stroke a few weeks ago...he was 53.

I have a hard time pushing my kids when this has been my lived experience. I’ve seen brilliance and achievement rewarded in unexpected ways, and I’ve also seen them snuffed out in an instant. And I’ve learned that even extraordinary, jaw-dropping levels of success don’t always begin with being an academic superstar in high school.

Agree wholeheartedly, and also very sorry about your talented friends who died. Life feels so random and unfair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So is junior year now THE year and no longer senior year matters for kids want to go to college?

Unfortunately a lot of state schools want applications in by October. And for McPS, you won’t have even first semester grades in by the regular application deadlines that are around the new year. That’s also the year you need to find teachers to recommend you — the senior year teachers won’t have time to get to know you and write a letter. So junior year is really the year unfortunately.

+1. This has been true for decades.

[Anonymous]

My DS is similar to OPs. We have two state “flagships” where we live and he plans to attend one of them. He has no idea what he wants to do. What he wants to be his interests are at odds with what he actually enjoys and excels at, if that makes sense.

He has a peaks and valleys profile and can’t see where he fits in right now. Loves literature and philosophy and also has dyslexia. Excels at geometry and physics but struggles in algebra and basic math skills. It’ll be interesting.

I’m scheduling campus tours for the schools he interested in plus one or two others. I’m hoping to get him more invested in the process.

[Anonymous]

My DS, who is now 19, had very little interest in the whole college process. He applied to a few VA state schools and was accepted. Picked one after a campus visit and really didn't like the experience.

He is stayed home this fall semester. He is taking classes at the local CC and is working. He'll do the same in the spring and we'll talk about his next steps.

He may have been better off just doing that his first year, but it's been a learning experience for both him and us as parents, which is ok.

Our DD is a HS junior. Her college choice is done except for applying and keeping up her grades. She accepted a sports scholarship at a Big10 school. So, that's that!

[Anonymous]

My Junior is taking a bunch of AP classes, works hard, took the SAT, and does band/sport/clubs.

But he has no idea what he wants to major in, and when I ask questions about what kind of college he wants, I get “I don’t know. I’ll apply to the Virginia colleges, I guess.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the hardest parts of parenting is remembering your kid isn’t you. My kids are not driven in the way my husband and I were. They will still be fine.

I think this is a little oversimplified. I am on my third junior (all boys). Kids are also different from one another and some need a little more support and hand-holding.

My oldest was super excited about colleges. He wanted to start visiting colleges sophomore year and loved every single one. He asked for test-prep, wrote his personal statement in spring of Junior year etc. My second was so nervous that he kept turning down invitations from family and friends to visit schools and answered "I have no idea" to every question. I kept waiting for him to take the lead and show interest and it never happened. I finally forced him to go on a visit during the fall of senior year and it broke the spell. I am not saying he suddenly loved the process but he now had opinions on the kind of colleges he liked and didn't like and he was definitely no longer frozen. I realized I had waited far longer than I needed too - he needed a little nudging and I should have done it much sooner for his sake. My third is kind of in between attitude-wise. He is not taking any initiative but doesn't seem as terrified as number 2. I am just going to go ahead and schedule some visits and see if it starts the conversation.

Thank you for this post! I have a sophomore. As an immigrant family, this process for us is new and very different. How do you schedule visits? Is there some official process? My son has had invitations for visits related to his sport (including seeing the college, which we haven't done yet, but will start in summer), but how does this work otherwise for academics? Thanks in advance!

[Anonymous]

I could have written your post OP word for word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a thread to commiserate. DS is not fully grasping how important this year is. It will be fine, he will end up at a college and it will all be fine. But still, a lot of missed opportunities along the way. And it seems like we are more concerned about his future than he is.

I remember being 16 and so excited to learn about different colleges, see their average gpas, sat scores, see where I fit and what I can do to make myself a better applicant. Every college brochure held a potential life. It just felt like a time when my whole future was in front of me and I could make it what I wanted. Maybe his life now is so comfortable that he doesn’t need to dream, I don’t know.

I just am not seeing that spark with my kid. It feels like he will do his work but generally meander along and let life happen to him. He’s a great kid, don’t get me wrong. But I just don’t see as much interest in his own future as I had hoped.

How are other parents and kids doing?

You were the one with the problem. Not your kid.

Ignore this PP. They are in most of the convos here, spreading insults and dripping their own nasty acid on way too many of the convos here. Just ignore them, your post was thoughtful and looking to co-commiserate is totally fine here OP.

[Anonymous]

Did you just say convo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So is junior year now THE year and no longer senior year matters for kids want to go to college?

Unless you grew up in a different country with a different school system, junior year has been the most important year in terms of college applications for the last 50 yrs at least, probably longer. Junior year is the year your grades and cumulative activities mean the most, it's the last time they'll really count before your kid starts to apply. Senior year matters too and you don't want grades to go down a lot or to fail anything, but most of the college admissions decisions will be made based on grades and activities through junior year, not senior year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids a bum so no expectations

Maybe it’s better that way

[Anonymous]

16 is just too young for some kids to be interested in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a thread to commiserate. DS is not fully grasping how important this year is. It will be fine, he will end up at a college and it will all be fine. But still, a lot of missed opportunities along the way. And it seems like we are more concerned about his future than he is.

I remember being 16 and so excited to learn about different colleges, see their average gpas, sat scores, see where I fit and what I can do to make myself a better applicant. Every college brochure held a potential life. It just felt like a time when my whole future was in front of me and I could make it what I wanted. Maybe his life now is so comfortable that he doesn’t need to dream, I don’t know.

I just am not seeing that spark with my kid. It feels like he will do his work but generally meander along and let life happen to him. He’s a great kid, don’t get me wrong. But I just don’t see as much interest in his own future as I had hoped.

How are other parents and kids doing?

Yeah, well, it’s not this way anymore. It’s a toxic cesspool now and if your son is a white male the deck is stacked against him. Be glad he’s not stressing out about gpas and test score and college rankings and feeling like he doesn’t stand a chance.

You're funny PP! But you're not even faintly fact-based. White maies are doing just fine if you look at application rates vs. acceptance rates, possibly only white women have higher acceptance rates. But for funsies if you like, go ahead and link to credible data (emphasis on credible) that shows "the deck is stacked against white males" so we can all see where you pulled that statement out of.