Parents of juniors, how are you doing?

[Anonymous]

Just a thread to commiserate. DS is not fully grasping how important this year is. It will be fine, he will end up at a college and it will all be fine. But still, a lot of missed opportunities along the way. And it seems like we are more concerned about his future than he is.

I remember being 16 and so excited to learn about different colleges, see their average gpas, sat scores, see where I fit and what I can do to make myself a better applicant. Every college brochure held a potential life. It just felt like a time when my whole future was in front of me and I could make it what I wanted. Maybe his life now is so comfortable that he doesn’t need to dream, I don’t know.

I just am not seeing that spark with my kid. It feels like he will do his work but generally meander along and let life happen to him. He’s a great kid, don’t get me wrong. But I just don’t see as much interest in his own future as I had hoped.

How are other parents and kids doing?

[Anonymous]

My kid has a full AP courseload, took his SATs recently, plays sports and in a bunch of clubs and honor societies.

I’m not sure what more I can expect of my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just a thread to commiserate. DS is not fully grasping how important this year is. It will be fine, he will end up at a college and it will all be fine. But still, a lot of missed opportunities along the way. And it seems like we are more concerned about his future than he is.

I remember being 16 and so excited to learn about different colleges, see their average gpas, sat scores, see where I fit and what I can do to make myself a better applicant. Every college brochure held a potential life. It just felt like a time when my whole future was in front of me and I could make it what I wanted. Maybe his life now is so comfortable that he doesn’t need to dream, I don’t know.

I just am not seeing that spark with my kid. It feels like he will do his work but generally meander along and let life happen to him. He’s a great kid, don’t get me wrong. But I just don’t see as much interest in his own future as I had hoped.

How are other parents and kids doing?

This kicks in for boys later than girls IME. Also he is 16. In NO WAY does his state of mind at this age reflect his future. Their brains are still very much under development. (Mom of 3 YA boys here.)

[Anonymous]

OP, he will find his way. What you describe is fairly ordinary. You can put your energy now into discreetly doing some planning. Think about your own ollege experience. Private or public? How did you and your DH feel about your college experience, and do you wish the same for your DS? Know your budget and know if you're going to place any location restriction on where he applies. You can do a lot of research discreetly so you're well prepared to guide.

[Anonymous]

DH and I valued our large state school experience, for example. Wanted that for our DCs unless they expressed a different preference. We knew though, that our instate option didn't thrill us. DH and I did a lot of research into public alternatives OOS. Encouraged a lot of applications for all our DCs, even if applying sight unseen - but that's public where demonstrating interest is often not an admission's factor.

[Anonymous]

One of the hardest parts of parenting is remembering your kid isn’t you. My kids are not driven in the way my husband and I were. They will still be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of the hardest parts of parenting is remembering your kid isn’t you. My kids are not driven in the way my husband and I were. They will still be fine.

+1 this is a really good mantra for the next few years. Or always.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just a thread to commiserate. DS is not fully grasping how important this year is. It will be fine, he will end up at a college and it will all be fine. But still, a lot of missed opportunities along the way. And it seems like we are more concerned about his future than he is.

I remember being 16 and so excited to learn about different colleges, see their average gpas, sat scores, see where I fit and what I can do to make myself a better applicant. Every college brochure held a potential life. It just felt like a time when my whole future was in front of me and I could make it what I wanted. Maybe his life now is so comfortable that he doesn’t need to dream, I don’t know.

I just am not seeing that spark with my kid. It feels like he will do his work but generally meander along and let life happen to him. He’s a great kid, don’t get me wrong. But I just don’t see as much interest in his own future as I had hoped.

How are other parents and kids doing?

You were the one with the problem. Not your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of the hardest parts of parenting is remembering your kid isn’t you. My kids are not driven in the way my husband and I were. They will still be fine.

I think this is a little oversimplified. I am on my third junior (all boys). Kids are also different from one another and some need a little more support and hand-holding.

My oldest was super excited about colleges. He wanted to start visiting colleges sophomore year and loved every single one. He asked for test-prep, wrote his personal statement in spring of Junior year etc. My second was so nervous that he kept turning down invitations from family and friends to visit schools and answered "I have no idea" to every question. I kept waiting for him to take the lead and show interest and it never happened. I finally forced him to go on a visit during the fall of senior year and it broke the spell. I am not saying he suddenly loved the process but he now had opinions on the kind of colleges he liked and didn't like and he was definitely no longer frozen. I realized I had waited far longer than I needed too - he needed a little nudging and I should have done it much sooner for his sake. My third is kind of in between attitude-wise. He is not taking any initiative but doesn't seem as terrified as number 2. I am just going to go ahead and schedule some visits and see if it starts the conversation.

[Anonymous]

I’m right there with you with my junior son. I’m fine if he’s not that competitive but he also seems like he thinks he can just fall upward, which is probably not realistic. I’m afraid there will be a hard crash next year when all the chickens come home to roost.

His girlfriend, OtOh, is totally on top of things and I’ve had a number of nice conversations with her about her thoughts and plans. She’s a little horrified by how cavalier my son is being.

I’m not one to wring hands about “oh, but think of the poor boys!” But I do think the hyper competitive college application environment is not great for all these boys that are on average a couple years behind on the frontal lobe development. I know so many great guys that didn’t hit a stride until mid way through college and I do worry a little that we’re not providing enough room for that in today’s environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a thread to commiserate. DS is not fully grasping how important this year is. It will be fine, he will end up at a college and it will all be fine. But still, a lot of missed opportunities along the way. And it seems like we are more concerned about his future than he is.

I remember being 16 and so excited to learn about different colleges, see their average gpas, sat scores, see where I fit and what I can do to make myself a better applicant. Every college brochure held a potential life. It just felt like a time when my whole future was in front of me and I could make it what I wanted. Maybe his life now is so comfortable that he doesn’t need to dream, I don’t know.

I just am not seeing that spark with my kid. It feels like he will do his work but generally meander along and let life happen to him. He’s a great kid, don’t get me wrong. But I just don’t see as much interest in his own future as I had hoped.

How are other parents and kids doing?

You were the one with the problem. Not your kid.

This. And 16 is so young. Our system puts too much pressure on kids to figure out what they want to do in life by the end of HS.

[Anonymous]

Students mature at their own pace and need different things. Getting into a decent school -- but not T20 school -- is okay. Being a complete and whole person is important. And don't forget -- there's always graduate school if he finds his passion and becomes more focused on academic achievement.

[Anonymous]

So is junior year now THE year and no longer senior year matters for kids want to go to college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So is junior year now THE year and no longer senior year matters for kids want to go to college?

Unfortunately a lot of state schools want applications in by October. And for McPS, you won’t have even first semester grades in by the regular application deadlines that are around the new year. That’s also the year you need to find teachers to recommend you — the senior year teachers won’t have time to get to know you and write a letter. So junior year is really the year unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Given how competitive college admissions is now compared to how it was when we were their age, I am not surprised these kids are not as excited as we were. These times were simpler for us, whereas it is more stressful for them. Why get your heart set on dream schools when these schools receive 50,000 applicants for 2000 spots and the odds of making it are so slim? Most of my friends report the same lack of enthusiasm from their high achieving, ambitious kids. There is a lack of "fun" about this process and that makes me a bit sad for these kids.