Parents of juniors, how are you doing?

[Anonymous]

My DS, who is now 19, had very little interest in the whole college process. He applied to a few VA state schools and was accepted. Picked one after a campus visit and really didn't like the experience.

He is stayed home this fall semester. He is taking classes at the local CC and is working. He'll do the same in the spring and we'll talk about his next steps.

He may have been better off just doing that his first year, but it's been a learning experience for both him and us as parents, which is ok.

Our DD is a HS junior. Her college choice is done except for applying and keeping up her grades. She accepted a sports scholarship at a Big10 school. So, that's that!

[Anonymous]

My Junior is taking a bunch of AP classes, works hard, took the SAT, and does band/sport/clubs.

But he has no idea what he wants to major in, and when I ask questions about what kind of college he wants, I get “I don’t know. I’ll apply to the Virginia colleges, I guess.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the hardest parts of parenting is remembering your kid isn’t you. My kids are not driven in the way my husband and I were. They will still be fine.

I think this is a little oversimplified. I am on my third junior (all boys). Kids are also different from one another and some need a little more support and hand-holding.

My oldest was super excited about colleges. He wanted to start visiting colleges sophomore year and loved every single one. He asked for test-prep, wrote his personal statement in spring of Junior year etc. My second was so nervous that he kept turning down invitations from family and friends to visit schools and answered "I have no idea" to every question. I kept waiting for him to take the lead and show interest and it never happened. I finally forced him to go on a visit during the fall of senior year and it broke the spell. I am not saying he suddenly loved the process but he now had opinions on the kind of colleges he liked and didn't like and he was definitely no longer frozen. I realized I had waited far longer than I needed too - he needed a little nudging and I should have done it much sooner for his sake. My third is kind of in between attitude-wise. He is not taking any initiative but doesn't seem as terrified as number 2. I am just going to go ahead and schedule some visits and see if it starts the conversation.

Thank you for this post! I have a sophomore. As an immigrant family, this process for us is new and very different. How do you schedule visits? Is there some official process? My son has had invitations for visits related to his sport (including seeing the college, which we haven't done yet, but will start in summer), but how does this work otherwise for academics? Thanks in advance!

[Anonymous]

I could have written your post OP word for word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a thread to commiserate. DS is not fully grasping how important this year is. It will be fine, he will end up at a college and it will all be fine. But still, a lot of missed opportunities along the way. And it seems like we are more concerned about his future than he is.

I remember being 16 and so excited to learn about different colleges, see their average gpas, sat scores, see where I fit and what I can do to make myself a better applicant. Every college brochure held a potential life. It just felt like a time when my whole future was in front of me and I could make it what I wanted. Maybe his life now is so comfortable that he doesn’t need to dream, I don’t know.

I just am not seeing that spark with my kid. It feels like he will do his work but generally meander along and let life happen to him. He’s a great kid, don’t get me wrong. But I just don’t see as much interest in his own future as I had hoped.

How are other parents and kids doing?

You were the one with the problem. Not your kid.

Ignore this PP. They are in most of the convos here, spreading insults and dripping their own nasty acid on way too many of the convos here. Just ignore them, your post was thoughtful and looking to co-commiserate is totally fine here OP.

[Anonymous]

Did you just say convo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So is junior year now THE year and no longer senior year matters for kids want to go to college?

Unless you grew up in a different country with a different school system, junior year has been the most important year in terms of college applications for the last 50 yrs at least, probably longer. Junior year is the year your grades and cumulative activities mean the most, it's the last time they'll really count before your kid starts to apply. Senior year matters too and you don't want grades to go down a lot or to fail anything, but most of the college admissions decisions will be made based on grades and activities through junior year, not senior year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids a bum so no expectations

Maybe it’s better that way

[Anonymous]

16 is just too young for some kids to be interested in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a thread to commiserate. DS is not fully grasping how important this year is. It will be fine, he will end up at a college and it will all be fine. But still, a lot of missed opportunities along the way. And it seems like we are more concerned about his future than he is.

I remember being 16 and so excited to learn about different colleges, see their average gpas, sat scores, see where I fit and what I can do to make myself a better applicant. Every college brochure held a potential life. It just felt like a time when my whole future was in front of me and I could make it what I wanted. Maybe his life now is so comfortable that he doesn’t need to dream, I don’t know.

I just am not seeing that spark with my kid. It feels like he will do his work but generally meander along and let life happen to him. He’s a great kid, don’t get me wrong. But I just don’t see as much interest in his own future as I had hoped.

How are other parents and kids doing?

Yeah, well, it’s not this way anymore. It’s a toxic cesspool now and if your son is a white male the deck is stacked against him. Be glad he’s not stressing out about gpas and test score and college rankings and feeling like he doesn’t stand a chance.

You're funny PP! But you're not even faintly fact-based. White maies are doing just fine if you look at application rates vs. acceptance rates, possibly only white women have higher acceptance rates. But for funsies if you like, go ahead and link to credible data (emphasis on credible) that shows "the deck is stacked against white males" so we can all see where you pulled that statement out of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:16 is just too young for some kids to be interested in college.

That's totally true. And it doesn't change the reality that grades and activities junior year are the most important for giving a kid their best chances in college admissions. So it matters, and when some of us were young, we didn't enjoy it but many of us got the urgency and some of us had schools that started college visit trips junior year (and yes my school was a public school). So those college visits definitely raised the interest of many of us.

OP just wanted to see if anyone else felt as she did. She said clearly she wasn't pushing but she was worried. She wasn't threatening to sign him up for 20 AP classes and activities he doesn't want to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So is junior year now THE year and no longer senior year matters for kids want to go to college?

Unless you grew up in a different country with a different school system, junior year has been the most important year in terms of college applications for the last 50 yrs at least, probably longer. Junior year is the year your grades and cumulative activities mean the most, it's the last time they'll really count before your kid starts to apply. Senior year matters too and you don't want grades to go down a lot or to fail anything, but most of the college admissions decisions will be made based on grades and activities through junior year, not senior year.

When I applied from a school out West, first semester senior grades were in before college apps were due. This is just another way that the late start in DMV impacts our HS kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So is junior year now THE year and no longer senior year matters for kids want to go to college?

Unless you grew up in a different country with a different school system, junior year has been the most important year in terms of college applications for the last 50 yrs at least, probably longer. Junior year is the year your grades and cumulative activities mean the most, it's the last time they'll really count before your kid starts to apply. Senior year matters too and you don't want grades to go down a lot or to fail anything, but most of the college admissions decisions will be made based on grades and activities through junior year, not senior year.

When I applied from a school out West, first semester senior grades were in before college apps were due. This is just another way that the late start in DMV impacts our HS kids.

I was a recruiter for a university, and while this was your experience, junior year grades has nationally been the most important year of grades and achievements for applying to college for decades, going back to the 70s or earlier.

[Anonymous]

My junior DD is doing an excellent job in her selective HS. All As. Taking multiple APs. She isn’t super interested in the college search either. She cares more about hanging out with her friends and her driving hours. 😅
I’m not pushing her. We’ll get on it during the summer break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 16 yo twin boys who are juniors and neither one has been proactive about looking at colleges or studying for SATs. They both take a full course load of AP classes and are in clubs, etc. We’ve been on one college tour and neither had much to say about it. I’m hoping the motivation will start to kick in when they see their friends get more into it.

I had to check the date on this a couple times to make sure I didn’t write this last year. My twins are now 17 and seniors. One thing that helped them get motivated was visiting people they know at college. They’ve both stayed overnight separately with their older sister and visited other kids we know at their schools. Seeing college life up close made it click that this stressful process actually leads to getting the keys to the castle of independence and fun. I could almost see the wheels turning. They also each fell in love with one of the schools they visited which helped with internal drive but added nerves. One is in ED, the other is still waiting to hear.