BIL and Wife Visiting For A Week

[Anonymous]

A week is four or five days too long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, that doesn’t sound too bad. He may be more direct than others, but most people don’t know their guest bed is terrible because no one tells them. How many days in a row did you serve Asian food? It is customary to have wine available if you also have beer available. I usually try to stock the things my guests like and not make them conform to my tastes.

No. It is not customary to hear rude remarks about one's own home and food predilections. We're Asians who eat mostly American/European foods, but I find the Asian food comment pretty racist. Also, I don't have alcohol in the house at all. Our relatives usually don't drink, and if any do, well, they'd be disappointed. So sorry my food and drink won't kill them!

OP, you look your BIL straight in the eye and say calmly "that's rude". Then you maintain eye contact and make him squirm. He will naturally laugh it off, or call you insensitive, but after a few of these, he will probably (hopefully) stop. And since the goal is not not make him want to return, you should do that every time he's rude.

Obviously, he is not invited back.

which is why I said if you have beer available, it’s customary to have wine.

No its not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The uncomfortable bed? Tell him a crappy bed is your goal so guests don't extend their visit.

Fish and company start to smell after 3 days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sort of like people like that because I can then just be super direct back at them.

"Yes, that is what we want to watch. You have my permission to go do something else."
"For tomorrow night you can get dinner for us. We are happy to eat normal food so get whatever you want."
"Yes we know about the mattress. It keeps guests from staying too long."
"Can you go pick up some wine? That would be helpful. Thanks."

I love you

[Anonymous]

I'd ignore most of it. Your spouse (who I am assuming is a sibling to one of these couple?) should handle it all. I'd direct all issues to him.

Practice saying "I'll let Jim know that's your preference" to whatever he says. Then, let your DH deal with it 100% and go run errands that keep you away from the house for awhile.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you need to be a better host, but he needs better manners.

[Anonymous]

Im with you op, he sounds terrible, id host them once and stop.

[Anonymous]

He is being rude. Just be direct back. Why isn't he talking to his sibling about it?

We are constantly traveling to visit family since both sides live a plane or long (5-8 hours) car ride away. Family occasionally visit us. When they do, I have food I know they will eat, beer and wine, and water to drink. My MIL is diabetic and can't have certain foods, my nephew is allergic to a bunch of nuts so none of that can be in the house.
I have another relative who does actually get sick by certain spices so can't actually have a variety of food.

I cook a lot of hard boiled eggs, get chicken and tuna salad, make a big salads and cut up fresh fruit and veggies all in the fridge before guests arrive. I also have favored drinks and snacks, so people feel comfortable.

I visit family and it's tough to get there after a long journey and for them to say, "we didn't know what to buy" or just have muffins and cookies, but nothing fresh. I end up going out and buying fresh food at both my mom's house and my in-laws house.

In regards to the mattress he should have told your spouse. My in-laws had the most uncomfortable mattress ever and my MIL's brother told her straight to her face that the bed was awful.

My in-laws bought a new mattress and were grateful someone told them. My mom has an old mattress that with two people sleeping is not great and I always come home with a sore back. I ended up buying a mattress pad and told her I bought it for the bed. She was offended and told me to take it home with me. So when I visit over Christmas we will be staying 2 nights max or paying for an expensive hotel.

We have a guest room, but when my in-laws stay we give them our primary and we sleep in the guest room that shares a family bathroom. That way they get their own bathroom and have a king sized bed.

Your BIL is being rude. Do you visit and stay a week at his house? I would talk to your spouse and have them talk to BIL. Can they make a shorter trip?

I will say it is annoying to travel to see family and feel like you need to leave after a couple days. BUT whenever we visit my in-laws for a week or longer (at their request) it is WAYYY too long.

[Anonymous]

Let's start with why they are staying for a week. Are they in town for some particular reason?

[Anonymous]

"Hey, Dave, it seems like maybe you're staying with us because you thought we'd be offended if you stayed in a hotel, but we wouldn't be. At all."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, that doesn’t sound too bad. He may be more direct than others, but most people don’t know their guest bed is terrible because no one tells them. How many days in a row did you serve Asian food? It is customary to have wine available if you also have beer available. I usually try to stock the things my guests like and not make them conform to my tastes.

No. It is not customary to hear rude remarks about one's own home and food predilections. We're Asians who eat mostly American/European foods, but I find the Asian food comment pretty racist. Also, I don't have alcohol in the house at all. Our relatives usually don't drink, and if any do, well, they'd be disappointed. So sorry my food and drink won't kill them!

OP, you look your BIL straight in the eye and say calmly "that's rude". Then you maintain eye contact and make him squirm. He will naturally laugh it off, or call you insensitive, but after a few of these, he will probably (hopefully) stop. And since the goal is not not make him want to return, you should do that every time he's rude.

Obviously, he is not invited back.

which is why I said if you have beer available, it’s customary to have wine.

Not really, no. Stop trying to impose your views on hospitality on others. Most people don't have large homes and inexhaustible budgets and only buy what they consume, so as not to waste anything. They might have a bottle given to them, maybe. It might be too old.

Regardless, that's a discussion for guests who are pleasant. BIL is horribly rude and should be put in his place. He doesn't get wine if he demands it in this way!

Don't people ask what they can get guests before they come? This is customary in my circles.