BIL and Wife Visiting For A Week

[Anonymous]

Help me find a way not to kill them. My SIL is OK. Quiet, inoffensive, generally invisible.

My BIL has to make every decision on everything while here. He openly sh*ts on the hobbies of others and makes totally offensive statements all the time. The below are real examples:

What??? You want to watch a college football game on Saturday night????

Seriously, can't we eat some normal food? I'm getting sick of Asian stuff.

Man, you guys need a new mattress. I slept like dog crap last night!!!!

Hey, next time you're at the store get some wine, OK? You know not everyone loves beer, right???

And on and on and on.

Short of going away myself what would you say?

[Anonymous]

Honestly, that doesn’t sound too bad. He may be more direct than others, but most people don’t know their guest bed is terrible because no one tells them. How many days in a row did you serve Asian food? It is customary to have wine available if you also have beer available. I usually try to stock the things my guests like and not make them conform to my tastes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, that doesn’t sound too bad. He may be more direct than others, but most people don’t know their guest bed is terrible because no one tells them. How many days in a row did you serve Asian food? It is customary to have wine available if you also have beer available. I usually try to stock the things my guests like and not make them conform to my tastes.

Dave?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, that doesn’t sound too bad. He may be more direct than others, but most people don’t know their guest bed is terrible because no one tells them. How many days in a row did you serve Asian food? It is customary to have wine available if you also have beer available. I usually try to stock the things my guests like and not make them conform to my tastes.

No. It is not customary to hear rude remarks about one's own home and food predilections. We're Asians who eat mostly American/European foods, but I find the Asian food comment pretty racist. Also, I don't have alcohol in the house at all. Our relatives usually don't drink, and if any do, well, they'd be disappointed. So sorry my food and drink won't kill them!

OP, you look your BIL straight in the eye and say calmly "that's rude". Then you maintain eye contact and make him squirm. He will naturally laugh it off, or call you insensitive, but after a few of these, he will probably (hopefully) stop. And since the goal is not not make him want to return, you should do that every time he's rude.

Obviously, he is not invited back.

[Anonymous]

OP do you have, not a BIL problem but a spouse problem? What is spouse's relationship with BIL?

[Anonymous]

Is this your husband's brother? This might just be how they've always talked to each other. No beating around the bush.

[Anonymous]

I would give him a blank stare and say "wow" in a flat tone.

[Anonymous]

I sort of like people like that because I can then just be super direct back at them.

"Yes, that is what we want to watch. You have my permission to go do something else."
"For tomorrow night you can get dinner for us. We are happy to eat normal food so get whatever you want."
"Yes we know about the mattress. It keeps guests from staying too long."
"Can you go pick up some wine? That would be helpful. Thanks."

[Anonymous]

Rude delivery, but very reasonable requests OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sort of like people like that because I can then just be super direct back at them.

"Yes, that is what we want to watch. You have my permission to go do something else."
"For tomorrow night you can get dinner for us. We are happy to eat normal food so get whatever you want."
"Yes we know about the mattress. It keeps guests from staying too long."
"Can you go pick up some wine? That would be helpful. Thanks."

This is the way. It's not like you have to run around in circles, they're adults and can go do stuff and buy their own stuff. Or even order delivery!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP do you have, not a BIL problem but a spouse problem? What is spouse's relationship with BIL?

This. If you can't say it then your DH should well Bill, feel free to go out on your own tonight.
I would probably try to eat more of a variety of foods.
About the bed, well Bill, there's xyz hotel down they way maybe you'd get a better night's sleep there. We won't be offended if you want to leave.

He sounds very boorish. Why are they coming for a week? I would also have a list of things that they can go do.

[Anonymous]

Suggest to your husband that they stay at a hotel

[Anonymous]

The uncomfortable bed? Tell him a crappy bed is your goal so guests don't extend their visit.

[Anonymous]

My brother is a sarcastic contrarian and I hate it. I find that agreeing with him mildly and with zero reaction takes the wind out of his sails.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would give him a blank stare and say "wow" in a flat tone.

This accomplishes nothing.