Having a hard time adjusting to highschool

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did she pick the school she applied to

She applied because more than half of her school (including all her friends) were applying and its good for colleges.

More than half her school and all her friends applied but only 10 from her school and 1 friend are attending? Per the OP, OP.

Did she know that before deciding to go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did she pick the school she applied to

She applied because more than half of her school (including all her friends) were applying and its good for colleges.

More than half her school and all her friends applied but only 10 from her school and 1 friend are attending? Per the OP, OP.

Did she know that before deciding to go?

She found out that she and a friend got in and most of her friends got waitlisted but never ended up getting in. They are all at different schools now. Most kids from her middle school are at her in boundary school now.

[Anonymous]

op’s child is presumably inbounds for somewhere like JR or MacArthur where a decent number of her middle school friends did stay together. right now that to her looks a lot greener. having a couple of established close friends can be a really useful social springboard for someone who is relatively more introverted. saying stay for this year then we can reassess if you are still really unhappy is one possible compromise to just giving in and letting her switch now or to telling a very unhappy high schooler that she doesnt have agency its not her decision. if she perseveres through the next few months she will likely be happy enough to reenroll. if she is still after a full year truly unhappy and thinks switching will help solve the problem, then maybe that warrants serious consideration.

[Anonymous]

she may go to school without walls or banneker

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:tell her she can switch next year. encourage her to join an activity she is interested in even if its scary. reconnect with some middle school friends for something outside of school. its potentially an important learning experience for college— a lot of students have a similar experience if they are on the shyer side and start out in a new environment with close/established friends

Why would switching necessarily solve the problem?

Inherent in the design of DCPS/DCPCS is a great re-shuffling of kids between middle school and high school. Even if a kid continues to a feeder school, a bunch of others won't.

I don't like it, but I see no solution in the system we are given.

Yes. My kid had a friend who, senior year at JR, had to make new friends. They’d gone PK-12 in the JR pyramid. But nearly everyone from their friendship group (including my kid) went to private or application schools, or moved to the suburbs, or left the DC area. And then at the end of junior year this kid looked around and realized that all their close friends at JR were graduating seniors. That’s just how it is sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did she pick the school she applied to

She applied because more than half of her school (including all her friends) were applying and its good for colleges.

More than half her school and all her friends applied but only 10 from her school and 1 friend are attending? Per the OP, OP.

Did she know that before deciding to go?

She found out that she and a friend got in and most of her friends got waitlisted but never ended up getting in. They are all at different schools now. Most kids from her middle school are at her in boundary school now.

You may be at more of a parenting than school choice juncture, and that's a good time to remind yourself of your parenting style and how that should evolve as your daughter grows up to become an independent adult. You still can but won't for long be able to solve the problems for her (force, stay/go). Might this be a juncture where you all (parents and child) need to sit down like adults and problem solve this together, or might you (and your spouse) decide that this is too early and that you are still now the ones calling the shots because he know (or at least decide) what's good for her? (I'm a free near-range parenting in the former category whose kids got themselves to school - or not - starting in 3rd grade. But everyone isn't that way, and that's totally fair, so long as you remain consistent and adapt your approach to match your child's age.)
If you're leaning into the "let's discuss and solve this together" approach, remember that it's difficult and there is no easy solution. Remember that recognizing her angst about friendships is real (to her for sure). Listen more than provide answers. But you are the ones knowing the rules: e.g. you know that she has a choice, here and now, to return to your in-boundary school. That's a serious open, now or - maybe better - come 2nd semester in January. Look up how to develop an outcome matrix with the two options in columns and criteria running down the left-hand side that you work out together, then start evaluating the two options on all those criteria, give it stars or smiley/sad faces, whatever works for you. But engage in that process together and discuss your ratings on each criterion. Then add it all up and figure out any risks and limitations together. May the chips fall where they fall and act accordingly, together.

[Anonymous]

My son feels this way too. He is a sophomore.
He never refused to go to school but has had a hard time making friends.

Another option you might not have thought of is to have your daughter reach out to kids from her middle school who are now sophomores. The Freashmen and sophomore from her middle school can band together and be a group.