ED at age 30?

[Anonymous]

porn addiction combined with years of self pleasure only to porn

He needs professional help.

It is not on you to fix him or work with him. Sex with 30 year old men should be good for you.

I dated a guy with this and was made to feel that the problem was me.

Even with professional help it will be challenging for him to overcome.

I also had the selfish fast action thing going on.

[Anonymous]

This is a red flag because it’s a clear sign that he is not sexually attracted to you.
This has nothing to do with ED. If fact, there is no such thing as ED at 30.
Porn and Masturbation don’t cause ED.
They can lead men to become more interested in porn stars, porn sex and some types of sexual practices. They will have a harder time being aroused by “normal sex”.

Why is that not ED? Because these men don’t have any problems having erections and maintaining them for hours when they watch porn or masturbate. Same when they have sex with the type of women they fantasize about in porn.

You are not his sexual type.

[Anonymous]

I know it’s hard to hear, but he 100% has a porn addiction and you cannot change him.

He is the only one who can stop his behavior, and while people are finally starting to speak out about porn addiction being both real and destructive to intimacy and relationships (after women have been condescendingly told for decades that they were ridiculous, histrionic, and insecure for not being okay with it in their relationships), men who have been watching porn since their first smartphone are not likely to want to change even if they could. They’ve spent almost their entire lives using porn as a way to satisfy themselves with any woman they feel like with no work needed on their part, so porn is engrained in both their personality and their brain wiring. Porn is now being compared to crack-cocaine in terms of addiction, and it’s like a rabbit hole where the person will increasingly need more intense topics to trigger the dopamine release they need to function. Porn also satisfies a person in the same way actual sex satisfies someone, so men who watch porn are getting their intimacy needs met from people other than their partners, which affects how they treat their partners. Men who say they watch “occasionally” or “sometimes” are often daily users, which means they’re selfishly satisfying themselves first and you’ll get whatever scraps are leftover, if there are any scraps.

A “good”, “nice guy”,“family man” who is respected in my circle has been watching porn regularly since he was a young teenager. He and his wife have been in a sexless marriage for many years. When she asked him why he thought it was okay to watch porn instead of try to repair the intimacy in their marriage, he said, “because I’m an autonomous person.” And he meant it. He apparently feels no need to sacrifice his own sexual satisfaction to save his marriage. His brain has been destroyed by porn, the ability to watch porn is non-negotiable to him, and his wife is left to either accept it or leave. Many of the women I know have had similar struggles in their marriages, and this personal anecdote is just one of many similar anecdotes.

Porn addiction makes people selfish and your relationship will be doomed before you can even start it. It will be a relationship built upon deception and false premises. Check out reddit’s love after porn sub, or the dead bedrooms sub, if you want to see how many of those women’s stories start with exactly the same experience you are having. Same age, almost verbatim posts.

[Anonymous]

Can’t agree enough with the PP above. Porn addiction changes brains, bodies, relationships and marriages and you don’t necessarily know why things are falling apart until it’s too late. Op, you’ve been given the gift of an early warning sign.

My STBX had ED problems because he was getting his physical needs met using porn and then his emotional needs met via a long term secret therapist relationship that was essentially an emotional affair.

I believe the porn addiction led to him giving himself permission to emotionally detach from our relationship and eventually externalize every intimate part of marriage to outside things/people that didn’t demand anything of him.

[Anonymous]

What about women who use p*rn ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m dating a man who is 30 and has ED. He can get it up, but needs to “stick it in” immediately or it’s gone.

He’s asked me to work with him on this, but a lifetime of sex with no foreplay, just shoving it in, sounds horrible to me.

I’ve asked him about seeing a doctor, therapist, etc and he doesn’t think it will help.

Any men have this issue? Were you able to fix it?

He needs to see a physician to rule out medical issues- you don’t want to be with a man who refuses to see a doctor. The fact he hasn’t already had a consult is troubling. Don’t baby and enable an adult.

[Anonymous]

That is a massive turn off. Dump him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Diabetes? High blood pressure?

No, he’s in fantastic shape. No health issues.

Please understand that he can have atherosclerosis, high blood pressure, etc, while looking lean and muscly. He NEEDS to see a doctor about this, because you always want to rule out physical issues before defaulting to a mental issue, and ED problems are often caused by physical issues.

I've been on DCUM for many years, and I don't understand why people always want to default to behavioral and mental diagnoses without even giving a passing thought to medicine. The physical issues are usually the ones that kill you first! High blood pressure isn't called the silent killer for nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m dating a man who is 30 and has ED. He can get it up, but needs to “stick it in” immediately or it’s gone.

He’s asked me to work with him on this, but a lifetime of sex with no foreplay, just shoving it in, sounds horrible to me.

I’ve asked him about seeing a doctor, therapist, etc and he doesn’t think it will help.

Any men have this issue? Were you able to fix it?

Porn addiction?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a red flag because it’s a clear sign that he is not sexually attracted to you.
This has nothing to do with ED. If fact, there is no such thing as ED at 30.
Porn and Masturbation don’t cause ED.
They can lead men to become more interested in porn stars, porn sex and some types of sexual practices. They will have a harder time being aroused by “normal sex”.

Why is that not ED? Because these men don’t have any problems having erections and maintaining them for hours when they watch porn or masturbate. Same when they have sex with the type of women they fantasize about in porn.

You are not his sexual type.

Yes porn addiction and chronic masturbation can cause an inability to perform.

[Anonymous]

The porn shaming is terrible, what is with the puritanism here??

OP, I am 47, have been married a long time, and have talked about these issues with friends of both genders. It could certainly be physical, although at that age I would assume performance anxiety or some kind of mental block or shame, and I’d suggest he gets a checkup both with a therapist and a urologist.

If he’s a great guy, please don’t give up on him because a bunch of DCUM anonymouses said he was somehow broken.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can’t agree enough with the PP above. Porn addiction changes brains, bodies, relationships and marriages and you don’t necessarily know why things are falling apart until it’s too late. Op, you’ve been given the gift of an early warning sign.

My STBX had ED problems because he was getting his physical needs met using porn and then his emotional needs met via a long term secret therapist relationship that was essentially an emotional affair.

I believe the porn addiction led to him giving himself permission to emotionally detach from our relationship and eventually externalize every intimate part of marriage to outside things/people that didn’t demand anything of him.

Are you the OP of the other (currently active) thread about discovering the DH was seeing a therapist in secret for 6 years? In that thread he was not described as STBX, but otherwise the same scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The porn shaming is terrible, what is with the puritanism here??

OP, I am 47, have been married a long time, and have talked about these issues with friends of both genders. It could certainly be physical, although at that age I would assume performance anxiety or some kind of mental block or shame, and I’d suggest he gets a checkup both with a therapist and a urologist.

If he’s a great guy, please don’t give up on him because a bunch of DCUM anonymouses said he was somehow broken.

Ladies I’ve been married a long time too. I took this attitude with a man with some performance issues that watched a lot of porn (I didn’t find out just how much until several years in, but I did know about it). Speaking from experience, it’s best to steer clear if you value a normal, healthy sex life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The porn shaming is terrible, what is with the puritanism here??

OP, I am 47, have been married a long time, and have talked about these issues with friends of both genders. It could certainly be physical, although at that age I would assume performance anxiety or some kind of mental block or shame, and I’d suggest he gets a checkup both with a therapist and a urologist.

If he’s a great guy, please don’t give up on him because a bunch of DCUM anonymouses said he was somehow broken.

It is not porn shaming. There is a big problem with males addicted to porn and M. and unable to perform with women due to the porn addiction. It breaks up a lot of marriages. I dated a male who would immediately ejac upon entry. He told me it was because I was too "soft in my V." He also told me I was "too big" i.e. not tight enough so he would immediately ejac. Understand I'd never had children and I was a small woman (120 pounds.) He was used to the extremely firm grip of his hands and porn for many years. He made the situation out to be a problem with me physically, not him.

[Anonymous]

Yeah I’d break up over this.