ED at age 30?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m dating a man who is 30 and has ED. He can get it up, but needs to “stick it in” immediately or it’s gone.

He’s asked me to work with him on this, but a lifetime of sex with no foreplay, just shoving it in, sounds horrible to me.

I’ve asked him about seeing a doctor, therapist, etc and he doesn’t think it will help.

Any men have this issue? Were you able to fix it?

He needs to see a physician to rule out medical issues- you don’t want to be with a man who refuses to see a doctor. The fact he hasn’t already had a consult is troubling. Don’t baby and enable an adult.

[Anonymous]

That is a massive turn off. Dump him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Diabetes? High blood pressure?

No, he’s in fantastic shape. No health issues.

Please understand that he can have atherosclerosis, high blood pressure, etc, while looking lean and muscly. He NEEDS to see a doctor about this, because you always want to rule out physical issues before defaulting to a mental issue, and ED problems are often caused by physical issues.

I've been on DCUM for many years, and I don't understand why people always want to default to behavioral and mental diagnoses without even giving a passing thought to medicine. The physical issues are usually the ones that kill you first! High blood pressure isn't called the silent killer for nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m dating a man who is 30 and has ED. He can get it up, but needs to “stick it in” immediately or it’s gone.

He’s asked me to work with him on this, but a lifetime of sex with no foreplay, just shoving it in, sounds horrible to me.

I’ve asked him about seeing a doctor, therapist, etc and he doesn’t think it will help.

Any men have this issue? Were you able to fix it?

Porn addiction?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a red flag because it’s a clear sign that he is not sexually attracted to you.
This has nothing to do with ED. If fact, there is no such thing as ED at 30.
Porn and Masturbation don’t cause ED.
They can lead men to become more interested in porn stars, porn sex and some types of sexual practices. They will have a harder time being aroused by “normal sex”.

Why is that not ED? Because these men don’t have any problems having erections and maintaining them for hours when they watch porn or masturbate. Same when they have sex with the type of women they fantasize about in porn.

You are not his sexual type.

Yes porn addiction and chronic masturbation can cause an inability to perform.

[Anonymous]

The porn shaming is terrible, what is with the puritanism here??

OP, I am 47, have been married a long time, and have talked about these issues with friends of both genders. It could certainly be physical, although at that age I would assume performance anxiety or some kind of mental block or shame, and I’d suggest he gets a checkup both with a therapist and a urologist.

If he’s a great guy, please don’t give up on him because a bunch of DCUM anonymouses said he was somehow broken.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can’t agree enough with the PP above. Porn addiction changes brains, bodies, relationships and marriages and you don’t necessarily know why things are falling apart until it’s too late. Op, you’ve been given the gift of an early warning sign.

My STBX had ED problems because he was getting his physical needs met using porn and then his emotional needs met via a long term secret therapist relationship that was essentially an emotional affair.

I believe the porn addiction led to him giving himself permission to emotionally detach from our relationship and eventually externalize every intimate part of marriage to outside things/people that didn’t demand anything of him.

Are you the OP of the other (currently active) thread about discovering the DH was seeing a therapist in secret for 6 years? In that thread he was not described as STBX, but otherwise the same scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The porn shaming is terrible, what is with the puritanism here??

OP, I am 47, have been married a long time, and have talked about these issues with friends of both genders. It could certainly be physical, although at that age I would assume performance anxiety or some kind of mental block or shame, and I’d suggest he gets a checkup both with a therapist and a urologist.

If he’s a great guy, please don’t give up on him because a bunch of DCUM anonymouses said he was somehow broken.

Ladies I’ve been married a long time too. I took this attitude with a man with some performance issues that watched a lot of porn (I didn’t find out just how much until several years in, but I did know about it). Speaking from experience, it’s best to steer clear if you value a normal, healthy sex life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The porn shaming is terrible, what is with the puritanism here??

OP, I am 47, have been married a long time, and have talked about these issues with friends of both genders. It could certainly be physical, although at that age I would assume performance anxiety or some kind of mental block or shame, and I’d suggest he gets a checkup both with a therapist and a urologist.

If he’s a great guy, please don’t give up on him because a bunch of DCUM anonymouses said he was somehow broken.

It is not porn shaming. There is a big problem with males addicted to porn and M. and unable to perform with women due to the porn addiction. It breaks up a lot of marriages. I dated a male who would immediately ejac upon entry. He told me it was because I was too "soft in my V." He also told me I was "too big" i.e. not tight enough so he would immediately ejac. Understand I'd never had children and I was a small woman (120 pounds.) He was used to the extremely firm grip of his hands and porn for many years. He made the situation out to be a problem with me physically, not him.

[Anonymous]

Yeah I’d break up over this.

[Anonymous]

That is not an acceptable solution. Sounds completely disturbing. Or like you'll be blamed if he can't shove it in fast enough. The fact that he has accepted this as the solution tells you everything you need to know about how he feels about women. You are not an object to aid his erection. Given he thinks this is an acceptable solution that another party would agree to, I would almost guarantee it's a porn related issue.

[Anonymous]

My observation within a very long marriage.
Women simply don’t understand men any more than men understand women.

Men’s biology produces semen every hour of every day when around decently attractive women. The ever filling semen causes a proportionate state of hornyness. It gets to the point that it becomes a man’s single mindedness objective to release it.
Within marriage, a decent man is always working around the emotional needs of the wife. That emotional state determines if she desires sex or at least open to it.
Men continually try find the ‘acceptable’ time to have sex with their wives. More often than not , the timing doesn’t work out because literally a healthy man is ready to bang daily. That leads to an incredible frustration on hornyness that invariably leads to M. It becomes a 1000x easier to watch porn and self pleasure without having to feel like one has to beg for sex. Yes that causes some ED issues. What ta hell, it’s a vicious cycle with no way off the merry go round. Do you want to marry a man that doesn’t have this issue ? Because if so you’re getting a man that simply is not healthy physically or mentally and going to have much bigger problems than ED , as in he’s going to have no desire for you.
It’s a complicated issue, I f you’d wise up, you’d gladly start with allowing him to stick it in right away and then work with him to break the pattern. But if you’re not willing to F on a regular schedule , then don’t even start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about women who use p*rn ?

It's not the porn that gives men ED, but the overstimulation from using their hand, especially if they don't use a good lube. It makes it hard to enjoy vaginal sex. But oral sex is still good to go for them as oral sex is much more stimulative and more enjoyable to the man.

For women, again it's not the porn, but the overuse of vigorous masturbation teqniques such as using a vibrator, that desensitizes things.

[Anonymous]

As a man I don't claim to understand the female anatomy. I can be ignorant and claim that all a woman has to do is lay there lube up and she is good to know even when she is not aroused..of course that would be an ignorant thing to say.

I don't think women should claim to understand the male anatomy either. The idea that if me the female I am naked my p**sy in plain view my nipples erect I am dripping wet should enough to get your Johnson super duper hard. You shouldn't need 20 or whatever minutes foreplay you should be able to stay hard or else you have ED and should go to therapy or you are a porn addict.

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for men who can't keep it up. I really do. The reason I feel bad is because 9/10 times she will jump to conclusions and say you are not attracted to her.

Men don't talk to other men about how a woman they slept with has some kind of "female ED". Women do. And probably other women will reinforce her belief that he is not into her

When women stop making thinks about themselves, they will be shocked how amazing everything will work out for them. No instead they put the pressure on the guy to like just any other guy. And that means ready to go anytime, hard whenever she needs it etc