Most important factor for strong sex life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Opportunity. If you can’t get alone time get a room. $150 is worth it

Sorry but a room at Motel 6 is disgusting and definitely NOT going to get me in the mood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having grandparents that take the kids for a Saturday a few time a month. A day of rest and no kid obligations makes it all so much easier. And we usually have day sex before going out to dinner and indulging too much in food and wine.

This is hyper specific but I do think the general idea that there are non-parent caregivers on the scene who can take some of the burden of not just childcare but being really trusted adults, sources of fun, shoulders to cry on, etc.

One thing I see among many moms is that the emotional burden of parenting is drowing them. It's not just about the acts of supervising kids or feeding them, signing them for activities, taking care of school stuff, etc. All of that can be stressful if not shared with a spouse for sure but I don't think on its own it's that different from having a job. But being the person in charge of really caring about your kids, being invested in them as people, caring about their feelings, etc., impacts sex drive specifically because it's so emotional, and when you are emotionally drained it can be really hard to become aroused.

Ideally you coparent is taking on a lot of that emotional work too, but men are not always socialized to do this and there can be a big learning curve. Grandparents, nannies, other community members can really help by being someone their kids can come to with their feelings so it's not all on mom.

I feel like this subject is bigger than this thread but I wish we'd talk more about what it means to be the emotionally available parent instead of always bickering over household chores and whose with the kids more. To me, this is the crux of it -- moms are expected to emotionally support everyone in the family but often no one supports them emotionally. It's a big problem.

This! I could have written this myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aside from having a strong relationship, what’s most important to maintaining your strong sex life?

Putting the kids to bed early. Bedroom on separate floor from the kids. Working from home. Scheduling sex. Just some potential answers to name a few.

Both people having the same desire level. If the desire level is not the same it will just cause huge problems over time.

+1

[Anonymous]

Imagination

[Anonymous]

Housework and chores.

[Anonymous]

The wife needs to be a bit of a freak. Someone who learned how to please herself at a young age and has a dirtier-than-average mind. That’s to get her closer to the wavelength of the average guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read smutty romance books and they do honestly get me in the mood. Paired with excellent foreplay, and that’s the key for me.

+1 I read a favorite excerpt if I'm short on time and know he's wanting it.

[Anonymous]

If it’s a priority, putting family resources behind it.

Being someone your partner wants to have sex with.

[Anonymous]

Not being married.

[Anonymous]

Quitting my job which finally gave me some time for myself (outside of the house, kids, and husband). I could never find the balance between work and life. Afterwards, I had more energy, less stress, and more time to focus on the house, kids, and husband. Of course, we are comfortable on one income, but this was the key factor for me.

[Anonymous]

If you both work, you need to find somewhere to dump the kids regularly.

By the time our oldest gets to bed each night, we are spent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The wife needs to be a bit of a freak. Someone who learned how to please herself at a young age and has a dirtier-than-average mind. That’s to get her closer to the wavelength of the average guy.

This is me. I think the key is being comfortable with your body and knowing what it likes to feel, and a sex partner who does, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The wife needs to be a bit of a freak. Someone who learned how to please herself at a young age and has a dirtier-than-average mind. That’s to get her closer to the wavelength of the average guy.

I think there might be something to this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Physical fitness and personal hygiene.

I don’t know that it’s this. Nearly everyone on here (and everyone I know IRL) who complains about a sexless marriage describes themselves and their spouse as being physically fit and attractive.