How to inform family that their dear departed relative disinherited you?

[Anonymous]

How much money is the estate?
Is it life changing money or just anger and trauma?

[Anonymous]

Not OP but something similar is going to happen to me. My parent thinks it is a big secret but we all know. I have known it for about 5 years because she gleefully drops hints constantly.
2 years ago she reneged on an agreement and threatened elder abuse. She then tried to stalk my child (her grandchild).
That was when I decided self-preservation has long been overdue for me and my kids.

[Anonymous]

My grandmother was raised in great wealth. Something happened, not sure what. My grandparents should have been wealthy when her parent's estate was distributed in the 1930s, but that was not the case. It's clear there was a great deal of enmity among my sweet grandmother's siblings. My grandmother kept her assets separate from the marital assets, and she equally divided her estate among her children.

I think it's best to be plain spoken about what happened. Let the mother be exposed for trying to create division between siblings from the grave. I yelled from the rooftops when my sibling stole a good portion of my parent's trust. I was damned if she was going to get away with it, and if any of the cousins held it against me for airing the ugly truth, so be it.

[Anonymous]

The sibling has the choice to split the inheritance with the disinherited sibling. I think everyone knowing what happened puts some healthy social pressure on them to do that.

[Anonymous]

I am wondering how I will handle this when my stepdad dies and his friends, who I have known since I was a little kid, understandably try to console me like I am his (adult) child. Um, I don't think he considered me that. The half siblings (his and my mom's) get 97% and my siblings and I get 1% each of a large estate. Raised in same home. I even got married in that home.

He told us his plans a few months ago. Hurtful, but oh well. At least I won't have to plan that funeral.

[Anonymous]

If you want to have any closeness with them, I think they need to know. You don't want them constantly trying to comfort you when you are processing a far different type of grief. Also, if you attend family events they can't just assume they can sit you at the same table as the favored sibling and you will be fine. If they actually care about you, they will protect your heart.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t broadcast this. I doubt you’ll get the response you want.

[Anonymous]

No one cares OP. You want gossip fine but no one cares.

Parents do not have to leave their kids anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you tell the friends and family of the deceased that they gave their entire estate to only one of their two children and completely cut off the other child? This news would be a shock to the extended family as the disinherited child was always attentive and loving with their parents.

If so, how would you do it?

Need to know basis only.

No one pretends to know what happened.

Go gossip about other things in the town square.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you tell the friends and family of the deceased that they gave their entire estate to only one of their two children and completely cut off the other child? This news would be a shock to the extended family as the disinherited child was always attentive and loving with their parents.

If so, how would you do it?

Maybe they got their portion of inheritance whilst the parent(s) was alive.

Who are you in all of this? You are a spouse of one for the adult kids? Or the cut off kid (well then you likely k ie why)? Or the non cut off adult kids?

[Anonymous]

Step kid situation? Second wife or third wife situation?

[Anonymous]

My mom is probably doing it. My sibling and her have a weird enmeshed relationship even though they expect me to care for her. I don’t speak to my sibling and refuse to care for my mom. They are very secretive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am wondering how I will handle this when my stepdad dies and his friends, who I have known since I was a little kid, understandably try to console me like I am his (adult) child. Um, I don't think he considered me that. The half siblings (his and my mom's) get 97% and my siblings and I get 1% each of a large estate. Raised in same home. I even got married in that home.

He told us his plans a few months ago. Hurtful, but oh well. At least I won't have to plan that funeral.

Don’t help care for him and distance yourself from him. He’s not family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Without anybody else being aware of the inequity, the person sitting on the big inheritance doesn't have to endure any shame or disapproval for being greedy and not sharing.

My father inherited everything from his brother/my uncle who was divorced and had two children with his ex-wife. She was struggling financially to raise our cousins without him. My mother was livid that her BIL had done that, and insisted that my father give every dime to the ex-wife/mother of his kids. I'd like to think that even if my mom hadn't done that, one of my other aunts or uncles would have called out my dad for keeping that money. But my dad could have kept quiet and not told anybody about the will, even my mom, and nobody would have been the wiser. The secret nature of wills seems ripe for all sorts of moral corruption.

Wow now THAT is a good person. Applause for your mom.

[Anonymous]

I would definitely tell those I am close to who also knew the decedent well.