If you’re divorced or divorcing, how bad would your ex have to be for you to post all over social media about them?

[Anonymous]

I am pretty suspicious of anyone who posts anything to social media tbh even though I know a lot of it is innocuous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Several people I know have done this, alleging their ex was abusive. But I find this very uncomfortable, and sort of wrong to do if there are kids involved.

Am I just a pushover? My ex did push/shoved me once during our separation during an ugly emotional argument. I thought about calling the police, but ended up calling my parents instead and dh took off. As ugly as it was, it solidified my certainty about leaving him, and I’d never consider posting about it.

Thoughts?

You are basically saying that abuse victims should be quiet about their abuse because it makes you uncomfortable. I hope these people aren't your friends. You seem like you've got some unresolved stuff going on.

I know right? That’s what’s wrong with our society. And women to be complicit in that? Even worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Several people I know have done this, alleging their ex was abusive. But I find this very uncomfortable, and sort of wrong to do if there are kids involved.

Am I just a pushover? My ex did push/shoved me once during our separation during an ugly emotional argument. I thought about calling the police, but ended up calling my parents instead and dh took off. As ugly as it was, it solidified my certainty about leaving him, and I’d never consider posting about it.

Thoughts?

My ex was abusive. A police officer testified on my behalf that he was abusive. I still didn’t post on SM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Several people I know have done this, alleging their ex was abusive. But I find this very uncomfortable, and sort of wrong to do if there are kids involved.

Am I just a pushover? My ex did push/shoved me once during our separation during an ugly emotional argument. I thought about calling the police, but ended up calling my parents instead and dh took off. As ugly as it was, it solidified my certainty about leaving him, and I’d never consider posting about it.

Thoughts?

My ex was abusive. A police officer testified on my behalf that he was abusive. I still didn’t post on SM.

Do you want a sticker? A cookie? You got lucky, pickmesha. You aren't any better, or even any different. You just got lucky to have in-person support who believed you. That's all. That's literally the only difference. There but for the grace...

[Anonymous]

Years ago, before social media was really a thing, I had a friend with a prominent blog. She figured out pretty quickly that the men she dated would behave as soon as they figured out posting about their relationship was on the table.

You know how a few months into dating men start to show their true colors? The anger outbursts, lack of effort, entitlement, etc? Around the time men started acting up, they’d also “jokingly” ask “you’d never post about me, right?” She’d reply yes, she would, and they’d either disappear or immediately get their act together.

So I can see if you have a large social media following, it can actually be very beneficial to post about men, divorce, etc. Men who behave badly don’t like their behavior made public.

FWIW I don’t think everyone should immediately jump to posting on social media every time their husband, say, forgets to start the dishwasher. Then you look petty and become the boy who cried wolf. But posting what a bad man is doing, very matter-of-fact, without a lot of drama, can be an effective way of keeping them in line.

[Anonymous]

Actually abusive and not just claiming abuse to be vengeful and sadly that does happen but yeah if I or the kids were at imminent risk of being killed by him such as if we end up missing or dead he did it

[Anonymous]

They are narcissists. Also it is unwise to post so much info on SM as it can easily be used as evidence against you in court.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are narcissists. Also it is unwise to post so much info on SM as it can easily be used as evidence against you in court.

The courts don't really tend to care about this. If it's true, it's not actionable. And if it's not, well, very few courts will waste their time adjudicating petty social media squabbles. Don't post lies and nonsense, but if it's true, it's not you who should worry.

People saying otherwise are usually the type who benefit from not having the truth told about their behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was abused, and I did. My social media was locked to friends only, so the audience was somewhat limited. It was a very important part of claiming the reality of what was happening to me, especially because a lot of the abuse was gaslighting, psychological abuse.

I don't regret it. I'm sad that there wasn't a better way for me to get to the support I needed without putting my business on the internet, but the isolation was also intentional. I did meet some judgment about it; those people are no longer my friends. If your response to someone's suffering is to call them trashy because you don't like how they're communicating about their life, you might want to look in the mirror (and go to church)...

I got the support I needed, and have deleted all my social media. Contrary to the popular narrative, I wasn't looking for attention, nor did I "enjoy drama". I needed help, so I asked on the channel I had available. I'm grateful to those who helped, and to those who used some of my darkest moments to reveal their true colors.

I love this post. Good for you!

[Anonymous]

My ex literally stabbed me.

My social media is pictures of my dogs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Several people I know have done this, alleging their ex was abusive. But I find this very uncomfortable, and sort of wrong to do if there are kids involved.

Am I just a pushover? My ex did push/shoved me once during our separation during an ugly emotional argument. I thought about calling the police, but ended up calling my parents instead and dh took off. As ugly as it was, it solidified my certainty about leaving him, and I’d never consider posting about it.

Thoughts?

You are basically saying that abuse victims should be quiet about their abuse because it makes you uncomfortable. I hope these people aren't your friends. You seem like you've got some unresolved stuff going on.

I know right? That’s what’s wrong with our society. And women to be complicit in that? Even worse.

I think women should get to choose. Personally I can't imagine having people be able to make insensitive comments about my relationship - have you seen the kind of jerk things people post here? Those things also pop out of people's mouths in casual conversation.

But if someone's willing to run that risk, and the risk that a judge finds something offensive about their postings, than fine. Though if you want things like non-denigration clauses, then usually they make those both-sided, and it might not look so great.

[Anonymous]

I’m finalizing divorce in the coming weeks. My ex is unsafe to be around. He has untreated addiction and serious mental illness, ignores court orders and laws, and has a history of escalating when challenged.

The kids and I are under a no-contact protective order. If he shows up at my home or their schools, he will be arrested. I’m often tempted to post to a broader network: do not share our whereabouts or activities with him.

He is currently dating someone new while isolating her and repeating the same abusive patterns. It is dangerous.

Sharing, for me, would be about helping people understand the reality and promoting safety.

[Anonymous]

This is happening to college friends of mine rn. She took it down after about an hour but I managed to see if. She was saying now 22 years of marriage down the drain because he is sleeping with his boss. She posted pics evidence of physical abuse and his arrest report.

I talked to mutual friends, both confirmed she's emptied the accounted and holed up in motels with a raging coke habit with new 20-something friends.

She may have destroyed his life, but it won't end well for her either.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes someone’s actions are so abusive, you don’t need to post about it—local news picks it up on their own. No need to even make the call. My ex is on the internet and in print media forever--his name is a google search away if any future partners and employers want to look him up.

[Anonymous]

I'd have more dignity than to air that sort of thing publicly.