If your child isn't a texter/caller, how did that work out once they left for college?

[Anonymous]

So many clueless parents here. I agree with the previous poster. As a parent, you need to make an effort to understand what they like and how they like to communicate with their friends. We also communicate through Snap. I dont snap their friends. But my kids love it. Their friends think it is awesome that we use snap and they wish their parents did the same.

But there is a limit. You are not talking to their friends, this is strictly for you and your kids. I do the same as the PP with Instagram. I dont comment on anything. It I simply a tool to send funny or interesting videos back and forth between me and my sophomore daughter. (I’m the dad).

My daughter calls me on Snap and vice versa. We communicate daily on Snap, even it is just to keep the “streak”on which is a plus. There has not been ONE day in the last 3 years and we did not communicate on snap. We never use text msg and normal phone calls. It is great and we are super close.

[Anonymous]

Never heard from him. Ever. A huge source of stress TBH and annoying he could not even like a text so we knew he was ok. We set an expectation the following year that we’d talk once a week and that worked ok. Sometimes you need to know things, like when will you be home from break?

[Anonymous]

A friend got a ring indoor cam for friend's DC in the single bed dorm. Kid would turn it on when studying or doing some non-private activity, and turn it off outside the window time. Friend also has one at their home (living room) so the kid can access to the cam all the time. Requires a lot of trust between parent/kid. Most kids would not agree to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I text photos of the dog a few times a week and that usually gets a response (proof of life, at least). We have a standing time for a phone call each week that she puts up with, even if it just lasts a few minutes.

Similar over here. Cats & bunnies. We get the occasional food pic or wildlife on campus. There are 2 weeks without any texts or pics occasionally and that fine with us too. They are beginning their life away from home and keep busy.

That doesn't mean they do not love to come home and then tell us endless about all the things that happened and their classes.
We made clear from the beginning we will pay for undergraduate and it is their responsibility to make sure they make the most of it and not waste the chance.
We also never asked to have access to their grades.

I realize this approach would not work for all kids & families.

[Anonymous]

One of mine is a frequent facetimer but rest of us are texters with may be once a month call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend got a ring indoor cam for friend's DC in the single bed dorm. Kid would turn it on when studying or doing some non-private activity, and turn it off outside the window time. Friend also has one at their home (living room) so the kid can access to the cam all the time. Requires a lot of trust between parent/kid. Most kids would not agree to it.

I'm a parent and I wouldn't agree to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Telling him his allowance is conditioned on FaceTime call once per week. This is sooooo crucial to maintain a regular conversation with him.

This. And now that eldest is graduated at least 2 x a month (but she txts in between)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend got a ring indoor cam for friend's DC in the single bed dorm. Kid would turn it on when studying or doing some non-private activity, and turn it off outside the window time. Friend also has one at their home (living room) so the kid can access to the cam all the time. Requires a lot of trust between parent/kid. Most kids would not agree to it.

Barring a disability that requires more monitoring than normal, this is completely inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my kids doesn't like texting or talking on the phone. He'll do it of course but just isn't a priority. He has tons of unanswered group texts from friends so it's not just a parent-kid thing. We've had a lot of talks about how text is an important communication tool and it's rude not to answer. I was never a big phone person so understand to a point, but texting is so easy. I think I'll never hear from him once he's in college. How did you maintain your relationship if you had a non-communicator? Thanks

A lot of parents expect their kids to fulfill their need for communications when in the last 3 to 5yrs made no effort to communicate in kids terms.
Parents need to learn what their kids like and dont like and get involved early. Dont wait until they are seniors and freak out about it.
Download snap and use it with them. This is their number one app for communication. Go head and use instagram to send and receive stupid videos that your kids are sending. Comment on them. Don’t bury your head in the sand and pretend they will want to use Text messages to call mom…..

This +1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend got a ring indoor cam for friend's DC in the single bed dorm. Kid would turn it on when studying or doing some non-private activity, and turn it off outside the window time. Friend also has one at their home (living room) so the kid can access to the cam all the time. Requires a lot of trust between parent/kid. Most kids would not agree to it.

Barring a disability that requires more monitoring than normal, this is completely inappropriate.

I find that realy strange, and to me it has nothing to do with "requires a lot of trust between parent/kid." - to me, it requires really poor boundaries between parent and child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend got a ring indoor cam for friend's DC in the single bed dorm. Kid would turn it on when studying or doing some non-private activity, and turn it off outside the window time. Friend also has one at their home (living room) so the kid can access to the cam all the time. Requires a lot of trust between parent/kid. Most kids would not agree to it.

Barring a disability that requires more monitoring than normal, this is completely inappropriate.

I can see that it works in limited circumstances. That DC has a single bed dorm, so it does not extend to any public area. The single bed dorm is a completely private domain.

The arrangement is mutually consensual. Both parties happily agree to it.

That DC has the complete control over the cam. That DC decides when to turn on and off.

In this case, the indoor cam functions as a FaceTime phone. The only difference is that the parties don’t bother to talk when it’s on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend got a ring indoor cam for friend's DC in the single bed dorm. Kid would turn it on when studying or doing some non-private activity, and turn it off outside the window time. Friend also has one at their home (living room) so the kid can access to the cam all the time. Requires a lot of trust between parent/kid. Most kids would not agree to it.

Barring a disability that requires more monitoring than normal, this is completely inappropriate.

I can see that it works in limited circumstances. That DC has a single bed dorm, so it does not extend to any public area. The single bed dorm is a completely private domain.

The arrangement is mutually consensual. Both parties happily agree to it.

That DC has the complete control over the cam. That DC decides when to turn on and off.

In this case, the indoor cam functions as a FaceTime phone. The only difference is that the parties don’t bother to talk when it’s on.

Hmmm, how does your "friend" generally parent? Because this seems weird as $hit to most people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend got a ring indoor cam for friend's DC in the single bed dorm. Kid would turn it on when studying or doing some non-private activity, and turn it off outside the window time. Friend also has one at their home (living room) so the kid can access to the cam all the time. Requires a lot of trust between parent/kid. Most kids would not agree to it.

Barring a disability that requires more monitoring than normal, this is completely inappropriate.

I can see that it works in limited circumstances. That DC has a single bed dorm, so it does not extend to any public area. The single bed dorm is a completely private domain.

The arrangement is mutually consensual. Both parties happily agree to it.

That DC has the complete control over the cam. That DC decides when to turn on and off.

In this case, the indoor cam functions as a FaceTime phone. The only difference is that the parties don’t bother to talk when it’s on.

That's a pretty big difference! I know what my kid looks like and I'm not actually worried if he's alive. I want communication in order to talk to my kid and learn about his life.

[Anonymous]

In one of the FB parent groups they suggested sending a group text to all progeny and making it a little competition - kid who sends a photo of X first gets a $5 electronic gift card. Or if you want to hear from everyone maybe the biggest/best X.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my kids doesn't like texting or talking on the phone. He'll do it of course but just isn't a priority. He has tons of unanswered group texts from friends so it's not just a parent-kid thing. We've had a lot of talks about how text is an important communication tool and it's rude not to answer. I was never a big phone person so understand to a point, but texting is so easy. I think I'll never hear from him once he's in college. How did you maintain your relationship if you had a non-communicator? Thanks

We requested a once a week proof of life call or text. What started as a bare bones text, has increased to text conversations and actual phone calls