Allow DD to keep pursuing something she's bad at?

[Anonymous]

Good for her! Let her keep going until *she* decides otherwise.

[Anonymous]

I would encourage her to think about continuing this AND trying something new. The travel sports take so much time and effort, for the kids and the parents. There are so many other things to try and you can kinda only do that when you are young. Let her explore a bit … she may find that one passion that just changes her life

[Anonymous]

In our experience, getting cut/not making the team always turned into a blessing in disguise/turning point. Let this one play out ….

[Anonymous]

I would start encouraging an occasional activity to meet new potential friends, for when the inevitable occurs.

[Anonymous]

Oh my. I was pretty crappy at softball and played until I was 35! It's ok to do things for fun.

[Anonymous]

You really need to name the sport because it really depends on the sport. For example, is volleyball and your child is going to be taller than average? Then keep playing.

Is it softball and your child doesn't have the best hand eye coordination? I would encourage another sport?

Soccer and your child isn't that great. Try to get one on one coaching to see if there are any talents there speed, able to kick the ball pretty far or can learn how to kick better, etc. If not switch sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You really need to name the sport because it really depends on the sport. For example, is volleyball and your child is going to be taller than average? Then keep playing.

Is it softball and your child doesn't have the best hand eye coordination? I would encourage another sport?

Soccer and your child isn't that great. Try to get one on one coaching to see if there are any talents there speed, able to kick the ball pretty far or can learn how to kick better, etc. If not switch sports.

+100

It would be helpful to know the sport. The volleyball example is a good one (my DD’s very tall friend made our extremely competitive JV volleyball team and has never even played club. DD’s shorter friend with years of club experience did not). Also body composition and things like speed etc often change very rapidly at puberty.

[Anonymous]

Yes, double down, get her a coach 💪
Seriously, if my kid not giving up that is amazing character trait.

[Anonymous]

As others have noted, it may depend on the sport. I was a college athlete but my DD, 13, will not be. She tried several team sports when younger and decided that they were not for her. She went out for several individual sports in middle school, made new friends, and even was selected for the team's leadership awards this year. She isn't the top of the heap but is above average. Sports in middle school have provided numerous friendships, the opportunity to support and encourage, and she remains physically active. My point is that you should let the child lead the way and be supportive. If/when it no longer is feasible, it's an opportunity for growth. If she wants to practice more, great. Support that, provided it is possible financially. If not, be honest with her. If she does not want to practice more, calmly explain that work ethic is important to improve in any and all aspects of life, whether sports or studies. Let her think about that while also trying to help her find other opportunities to make friends. I am certain there are other activities she might like to try at some point. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I was always a mediocre but enthusiastic athlete. I knew from a young age that it embarrassed my mom. Whenever I wasn’t good at something (which was every time), she would pull me from it when the season ended. The only sports I was able to stick with was swim team, because it started with swim lessons which she considered necessary and because I could ride my bike there, and softball, because I had friends who drove me. Otherwise she considered it a waste to not be good at something.

As an adult, it was really hard for me to stick with stuff because I’d grown up being trained that you shouldn’t do things you’re bad at. Until I recognized that pattern, I lost opportunities at jobs and college classes and friendships because I wasn’t used to sticking around and letting myself grow within a situation.

The friend thing is separate and messy- she is probably feeling fear of being excluded from a “popular” group. But her participation in an activity will have longer-lasting benefits than being on the fringes of a friend group, so try to support her in her sport as much as you can.

[Anonymous]

I would let her continue and offer to hire a trainer or private coach if she was willing to practice 5 times a week. A lot of sports is effort. I was born with little natural skill but was able to be good at certain sports out of pure effort (not great).

[Anonymous]

Like PP above, my 13-year-old DD is a mediocre but enthusiastic athlete, however I am her biggest fan. A lot can happen between 11 and 13, including awareness on her part that these sports might not be played at the high school level. It's okay. I love watching my kid play her heart out and will let her try out for the high school team but also will tell her to have a second choice if she wants to keep playing.

Also what changes a lot between 11 and 13 - friends. Make sure you are making opportunities for her to get together with kids other than these ones on the sport. This is an age where friendships naturally shift and drift and the sport might not have anything to do with it.

[Anonymous]

There’s no actual problem here. Of course you don’t make her quit a sport because she isn’t good at it.

[Anonymous]

Let her keep going if she enjoys it. If she wants to try out for travel, let her try out. Make sure she tries out at more than one club. There are many levels of travel and she might find a spot on a different team from her friends but she’ll likely improve faster than if she stays in rec. She’ll easily spend 3x as much time training and have professional coaching which will help her to work up to her potential or help her conclude she doesn’t enjoy the sport. Either is fine.

I agree that it’s a good time for her to also branch out socially but that’s easier said than done. You can try to gently encourage it. However, i don’t agree with the person who implied she is going to lose her friend group. DS has played soccer for years and most of his old friends played other sports. They remained friends. He also has a lot of friends who don’t play sports and he enjoys their company too. Although soccer is his favorite activity to play, watch and read about, he also enjoys hanging with friends eating, shopping, gaming, etc. Different friends fill different buckets.

[Anonymous]

This forum never fails. Who cares if she isn’t the best? Not every kid needs to play travel.