40 year old brother having woes finding his partner
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Anonymous
What does this mean? |
Anonymous
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Here’s my take on any single guy who’s having toeuble.
In no particular order, like here is a list and it can all happen at the same time in whatever order he finds best. Therapy Relaxed attitude about life (therapy) Do chores. Like be doing something. You could be pressure washing something. You could be building. You could be taking care of your car (interior clean, exterior clean). Regularly take care of your stuff and life. Go on challenging adventures, but don’t get into ones that women cannot do alongside you. (You can do that sure but it’s not directly helping your issue) Have a good attitude when things go bad. Smile. Have a hobby that makes you smile. I think that’s almost it. I’m married and happy. Though I 110% plan to stay with my husband  I would look twice at a guy with the above.
It’s not money. (It’s stress) It’s not money (it’s having the ability to take care of your life) So it is money as much as the money stops you from stressing, allows you to do the above (therapy, adventures, hobby, chores). |
Anonymous
| Me again^ If I were single.. If a relaxed guy came along who knows how to handle his stuff (the relaxed is important because you could swing the other direction with taking care of stuff and get obsessed and ocd and annoying), and he wants to hang out.. and he’s stays calm when things go sideways .. and he wants to do anything to me (marry me, sex, babies), he will know exactly what I want, he’ll make it happen, and I would do it often. |
Anonymous
Especially after age 21. Sounds like he is immature and probably trying to either date younger women or above his attractiveness. Has he tried dating average to below average looking late 30s / early 40s women who really want to get married and start a family immediately? Because that's his demographic. |
Anonymous
I don’t agree with the criticism of this term. It’s just a way to explain that he may have romantic interest in people he’s gotten to know, but they only want to stay friends with him and not make it something romantic. I don’t think it’s deeper than that. OP, maybe you can answer everybody’s questions about what exactly your brother is like and what you think. His issues are. Is he an overweight slob? Is he a mansplaining misogynist? Does he dress like a dork? Does he try to punch above his weight if he has hobbies, that’s where he should try to meet somebody. He should also make sure he’s in at least decent shape and has some fresh wardrobe options instead of the same tan chinos he’s been wearing since 2007. |
Anonymous
PP is suggesting that a woman would marry him to become a US citizen. |
Anonymous
Many women under 40 tend to be of the mind that "Oh I can date and have fun and have a career until my 30s or 40s, then settle down". They have been duped into this via propaganda. Also many younger men are struggling with women these days, due to this and social media, OF, etc. and the degeneration of society in general, and are removing themselves from the dating pool as a result of toxic Femininity. He should be looking for someone around 21 to 35 that wants to have a traditional relationship, not a situation-ship. |
Anonymous
Not touching the rest of this comment with a ten foot pole but what significantly younger (under 30) woman would want a 40 year old unless he’s particularly attractive, wealthy or smooth and if he was one of those things, he’d not be having the difficulties he’s having. |
Anonymous
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Friendzoning is another word for “the guy is not remotely attractive.”
And the word is gross because it implies men should have access to all women on the terms the men want (sexually). Also reeks of desperation. |
Anonymous
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Well the fact that his sibling is trying to manage his dating life may be the first sign to back off.
Any mention of being “Friend zoned” in another one - but I’m thinking that’s you saying that, which again, is a bother problem. It’s okay to be alone if you live a satisfying life with friends and family. I can’t imagine the desperation that must go on in your conversations *from you* that would lead you to post here. Why can’t you just accept him the way he is? Maybe he’s homosexual and can’t tell you. Maybe he’s asexual and doesn’t want to tell you. Maybe he has some weird kinks and spends free time at the open clubs. Maybe he likes to crochet at night. There are honestly worse things than being single these days. |
Anonymous
Surely you have some theories about this or advice for him? Posting totally vague things like this won’t generate anything useful |
Anonymous
Does he still live w his parents? Can he hold down a job? Does he have a career and progression? Does he have any mental disorders? If so does he treat and manage the symptoms? Does he save money or spend it all? Is he immature or mature? Is he in decent shape or obese? Does he have friends or not so much? Can he hold a back & forth conversation? Does he stay “friends” with these dates (and vice gets) or was that just a escape line? |
Anonymous
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Op's never been back,
What's your relationship like with your brother? Is he open to your advice does he want your help or feedback? Is there something to fix? Plenty of holes are married ( just look at this thread) and plenty of perfectly fine decent people remain single. It's NNQ season if you know someone who you think is a good match and is looking invite them as well as your brother. |
Anonymous
| OP, how are his social skills? |
Anonymous
Add to this that he has an overbearing, overly-involved sister, and the poor guy doesn't have a chance. |