I think my husband may be attracted to my neighbor and stepmom or vice versa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only person here who thinks this is normal, and OP is overreacting and making issues where there are none with the neighbor and stepmom?

There would be no issues if the husband treated OP decently. Of course she’s going to be upset when he fawns over other women but is hostile and contemptuous towards his own wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:nervous that my husband is attracted to my stepmom and neighbor.

Please be kind. I'm not sure if my husband realizes it himself. Between all my female relatives and or friends, my husband seems to gravitate to our neighbor and my stepmom and he is very friendly. When my stepmom visits, my husband and stepmom spend a lot of time together either having long conversations, doing puzzles, etc. The other night my husband put on some music and my stepmom was standing next to him, dancing and drinking wine while he was doing the dishes instead of sitting with my Dad when he was alone in the other room, and my husband was refilling my stepmoms wineglass but didn't offer me any.

On occasion, my stepmom has said some flirty phrases to my husband like "oh you're so bad!" and will interrupt our conversation to say "don't fight or argue" if I'm slightly critical of my husband.

My husband is overly kind to my neighbor and with her kids. Her husband is military and occasionally away. He offers to walk her dog or watch her kids so she can "have a break"; and seems to light up when she's around. I don't think he realizes it.

What hurts the most is my husband is openly critical of me in front of others. He will easily criticize or make comments or make subtle joke at my expense. He does not extend the same kindness towards me as he does to other women in public is we’re hosting or just out and about. We were making dinner last night for my parents and my husband had a particularly large pot of spaghetti that he was draining. He asked me to hold the colander and said he needs to drain “the last bit of water out”; I assumed most of the water had drained and he didn’t need to dump the entire pot. I was holding the colander with one hand when my husband dumped the entire spaghetti and I didn’t have a strong hold and dropped the colander because the water was hot and pouring fast and I felt the heat and water splashing on my wrist and drew my hand back quickly because I felt a burning sensation on my skin.

The spaghetti dropped in the sink. My husband didn’t check in with me to see if I was ok, he just stared at me with a critical look like “why did you do that?”; didn’t offer to recook the spaghetti. I was just embarrassed and hurt that be didn’t seem to care that he almost burned me with hot water and was more angry that half of the noodles got in the sink.

I took a second and pretended I had to go bring the dog inside, when I got inside my husband was cold and whispered to me “you’re very rude.”

He’s just not kind to me at all. I may be overreacting because he shows other women kindness that he doesn’t extend to me at all.

what does "please be kind" mean? People are starting to use that word a lot and I don't get it as a command. I see it make sense in the perfunctuory "oh that was so kind of you" when getting a gift, but beyond that, I don't understand.

Are you new to DCUM? Many posters are notoriously harsh and unkind.

[Anonymous]

What jerk would ask a loved one to hold a colander that they’re about to dump scalding water into? I make pasta all the time, set the colander on the sink before dumping the pasta in to drain, and tell my kids to steer clear of the entire sink area. I’d never think of asking another human (let alone one I love) to stick their hands in there.

[Anonymous]

No you are definitely NOT overreacting here OP‼️

Your husband is acting like a fool around these women & he needs to end his flirtatious behavior stat.

If he chooses to continue w/his coquettish ways then he can do so later on when he finds himself a single man.

Right??!

[Anonymous]

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

He does not extend the same kindness towards me as he does to other women in public

This is a problem, and something I’d go to marriage counseling over. He’s showing you contempt. Take it seriously. You will have to push to resolve this. Prepare for him to resist, but don’t let the marriage go down the death spiral. Contempt is the mid-point.

I had to correct my DH on this one time. I was like “even if you don’t feel better about this other woman, you don’t publicly treat me 2nd class and her 1st class.”

Literally in my case it was so dumb but still pertinent. He was chatting with the neighbor two houses down. Long conversation. I was multitasking in the yard, couldn’t get over to their spot to chat until I put a hose or something down. I went over, and he didn’t ‘bring me in.’ Just very impolite. Kids needed me, I was out of the conversation again. Later, we needed him to answer something (quick interruption of their long convo) and he was a little short with me.

It’s like, just basic politeness while you’re having a polite conversation with another woman, please.

I made sure he knew it. I don’t care, it had to be said, even if they thought I was being bzitchy.

[Anonymous]

Holy cow you deserve a nicer husband. The problem is that he has been allowed to believe his behavior is fine, and it truly isn't. The only way to prevent further deterioration of your marriage and maybe repair the damage is counseling but he's not going to want to do it. You can also suggest moving to get some distance from these women but he's not going to want to do that, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1- Talk to your Dad and tell him his wife is flirting with your husband. He needs to know. He is your Dad and you need to protect him from that woman.

2- Contact a divorce lawyer and start the process.

3- Tell your husband that you are filing for divorce.

No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:nervous that my husband is attracted to my stepmom and neighbor.

Please be kind. I'm not sure if my husband realizes it himself. Between all my female relatives and or friends, my husband seems to gravitate to our neighbor and my stepmom and he is very friendly. When my stepmom visits, my husband and stepmom spend a lot of time together either having long conversations, doing puzzles, etc. The other night my husband put on some music and my stepmom was standing next to him, dancing and drinking wine while he was doing the dishes instead of sitting with my Dad when he was alone in the other room, and my husband was refilling my stepmoms wineglass but didn't offer me any.

On occasion, my stepmom has said some flirty phrases to my husband like "oh you're so bad!" and will interrupt our conversation to say "don't fight or argue" if I'm slightly critical of my husband.

My husband is overly kind to my neighbor and with her kids. Her husband is military and occasionally away. He offers to walk her dog or watch her kids so she can "have a break"; and seems to light up when she's around. I don't think he realizes it.

What hurts the most is my husband is openly critical of me in front of others. He will easily criticize or make comments or make subtle joke at my expense. He does not extend the same kindness towards me as he does to other women in public is we’re hosting or just out and about. We were making dinner last night for my parents and my husband had a particularly large pot of spaghetti that he was draining. He asked me to hold the colander and said he needs to drain “the last bit of water out”; I assumed most of the water had drained and he didn’t need to dump the entire pot. I was holding the colander with one hand when my husband dumped the entire spaghetti and I didn’t have a strong hold and dropped the colander because the water was hot and pouring fast and I felt the heat and water splashing on my wrist and drew my hand back quickly because I felt a burning sensation on my skin.

The spaghetti dropped in the sink. My husband didn’t check in with me to see if I was ok, he just stared at me with a critical look like “why did you do that?”; didn’t offer to recook the spaghetti. I was just embarrassed and hurt that be didn’t seem to care that he almost burned me with hot water and was more angry that half of the noodles got in the sink.

I took a second and pretended I had to go bring the dog inside, when I got inside my husband was cold and whispered to me “you’re very rude.”

He’s just not kind to me at all. I may be overreacting because he shows other women kindness that he doesn’t extend to me at all.

Op my partner is similar to this too, but not limited to just one or two ladies. He is flirty/overly generous with random people and friends (“I’ll help you unpack your storage unit!”, I’ll build your bathroom shelf, I’ll bring you some special wine from some special winery, etc…”). It seems like he is being nice but actually he is turning the focus on himself. “Oh what an amazing guy?!” people say. It’s very narcissistic in my partner’s case. He doesn’t do day-to-day basic decency stuff like his share of chores at home or say kind words or even hello or goodbye to me. He’s contemptuous towards me and most people (hates “everyone”, is arrogantly superior). But he seems to be addicted to feedback he gets these grandstanding, relatively dramatic gestures that bring the spotlight on to him. He wants to be seen as “oh he’s the super nice guy!” When actually he’s not. He clearly does enjoy the attention that gifting someone his concert tickets etc will give him.

It’s upsetting for me to be treated poorly in the background while he fronts as Me Nice guy.

Is he overly friendly with other people, or just these two? Weird that your step mom seems to flirt back though. I’d have a one to one with her on that. Step parents, especially Dad’s younger second wife, can be such an awkward dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you don't have kids since you haven't mentioned them. In that case, get out of this marriage, it's not good for either of you.

[Anonymous]

Why did you marry this guy? Was he kind, loving and respectful before marriage or were you too enamored or desperate to notice?

However, now that you two are married unhappy, don't let is boil, go to therapy and improve your marriage or end it.

[Anonymous]

Our eighty seven year old neighbor is as such..

Husband and I were talking to him .. for a good while in our cul d sac--- We're relatively new in the neighborhood.
His wife of 55 years came over .. He ignored her..Didn't loop her in the Convo or anything- We of course did ..
She proceeded to ask if he (her husband) missed her and he said NO...with a straight face.

Husband and I were embarrassed for her and I honestly couldn't believe it.. Ugh..

She's the nicest woman ever too ..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

He does not extend the same kindness towards me as he does to other women in public

This is a problem, and something I’d go to marriage counseling over. He’s showing you contempt. Take it seriously. You will have to push to resolve this. Prepare for him to resist, but don’t let the marriage go down the death spiral. Contempt is the mid-point.

I agree with this, but open contempt in front of others is further than the midpoint. My ex didn’t engage in that until he was contemplating moving on.

[Anonymous]

This is a troll post. How can posters not recognize this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll post. How can posters not recognize this?

If we stopped commenting on troll posts, there would be very little to comment on these days.