Reply to I think my husband may be attracted to my neighbor and stepmom or vice versa.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]nervous that my husband is attracted to my stepmom and neighbor.

Please be kind. I'm not sure if my husband realizes it himself. Between all my female relatives and or friends, my husband seems to gravitate to our neighbor and my stepmom and he is very friendly. When my stepmom visits, my husband and stepmom spend a lot of time together either having long conversations, doing puzzles, etc. The other night my husband put on some music and my stepmom was standing next to him, dancing and drinking wine while he was doing the dishes instead of sitting with my Dad when he was alone in the other room, and my husband was refilling my stepmoms wineglass but didn't offer me any.

On occasion, my stepmom has said some flirty phrases to my husband like "oh you're so bad!" and will interrupt our conversation to say "don't fight or argue" if I'm slightly critical of my husband.

My husband is overly kind to my neighbor and with her kids. Her husband is military and occasionally away. He offers to walk her dog or watch her kids so she can "have a break"; and seems to light up when she's around. I don't think he realizes it.

What hurts the most is my husband is openly critical of me in front of others. He will easily criticize or make comments or make subtle joke at my expense. He does not extend the same kindness towards me as he does to other women in public is we’re hosting or just out and about. We were making dinner last night for my parents and my husband had a particularly large pot of spaghetti that he was draining. He asked me to hold the colander and said he needs to drain “the last bit of water out”; I assumed most of the water had drained and he didn’t need to dump the entire pot. I was holding the colander with one hand when my husband dumped the entire spaghetti and I didn’t have a strong hold and dropped the colander because the water was hot and pouring fast and I felt the heat and water splashing on my wrist and drew my hand back quickly because I felt a burning sensation on my skin.

The spaghetti dropped in the sink. My husband didn’t check in with me to see if I was ok, he just stared at me with a critical look like “why did you do that?”; didn’t offer to recook the spaghetti. I was just embarrassed and hurt that be didn’t seem to care that he almost burned me with hot water and was more angry that half of the noodles got in the sink.

I took a second and pretended I had to go bring the dog inside, when I got inside my husband was cold and whispered to me “you’re very rude.”

He’s just not kind to me at all. I may be overreacting because he shows other women kindness that he doesn’t extend to me at all.  [/quote]

Op my partner is similar to this too, but not limited to just one or two ladies. He is flirty/overly generous with random people and friends (“I’ll help you unpack your storage unit!”, I’ll build your bathroom shelf, I’ll bring you some special wine from some special winery, etc…”). It seems like he is being nice but actually he is turning the focus on himself. “Oh what an amazing guy?!” people say. It’s very narcissistic in my partner’s case. He doesn’t do day-to-day basic decency stuff like his share of chores at home or say kind words or even hello or goodbye to me. He’s contemptuous towards me and most people (hates “everyone”, is arrogantly superior). But he seems to be addicted to feedback he gets these grandstanding, relatively dramatic gestures that bring the spotlight on to him. He wants to be seen as “oh he’s the super nice guy!” When actually he’s not. He clearly does enjoy the attention that gifting someone his concert tickets etc will give him.

It’s upsetting for me to be treated poorly in the background while he fronts as Me Nice guy.

Is he overly friendly with other people, or just these two? Weird that your step mom seems to flirt back though. I’d have a one to one with her on that. Step parents, especially Dad’s younger second wife, can be such an awkward dynamic.[/quote]

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