Long term unemployed/slacker husbands

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dump them.

I had a BF like this. He magically got and held a job after I left him and stopped paying for him.

If my H lost his job, I’d give him about 3 months before I’d issue the ultimatum that he needs to find a job or move out.

3 months is wild, I’d be terrified to be married to a woman like this.

It’s not that hard to find a job.

My xH left me when I was a SAHM and I found one within a month.

You treat finding a job like your full time job, which means 8 hours a day spent on applications. Most people just applying to 1 or 2 and call it a day.

Sad state for men nowadays that they don’t even feel the drive to provide for their family. If I lost mine today, I could get a new one within a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dump them.

I had a BF like this. He magically got and held a job after I left him and stopped paying for him.

If my H lost his job, I’d give him about 3 months before I’d issue the ultimatum that he needs to find a job or move out.

Yep. This is what happens when freeloaders are cut off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So this is my husband. He took a buyout while we were in the process of moving. We realized while he wasn’t working, my career soared. He was able to manage our move and subsequent renovation projects perfectly and i got a huge promotion. We don’t need him to work to get by financially and I like that he handles all the pickups and dropoffs. That said, I always figured he’d eventually get another job or some consulting work for mental health/self-actualizarion purposes. But it’s been more than two years now and I see no signs that he’s interested.

Are you ok with him never working again? What’s stopping him?

Insecurity is stopping him I think. He’s worried about ageism in late 40s. I’m OK with him never working again but I also have a gnawing feeling that it’s not the best thing for him mental health wise.

You are most likely right. I would get very depressed without a job, and I don't think I'm alone in this. It doesn't have to be a hard job, and it doesn't have to be full time, but I need to be accountable to someone/something and I need to get the heck out of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If my H lost his job, I’d give him about 3 months before I’d issue the ultimatum that he needs to find a job or move out.

Yeah, that's it. Three months. In one of the worst job markets for while collar positions while the Dump administration is actively screwing the DC job market. Great idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
3 months is wild, I’d be terrified to be married to a woman like this.

Haha, that's what I just said. Three months is a blink of an eye in unemployment. I love how women think unemployed guys can just snap their fingers and get a job, any job, even working at Target. Just totally disconnected from reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You seem like a real catch. He will be better off with someone else.

Makes me glad I'm not married.

[Anonymous]

Mine got let go from his job in January and has told me he never plans on working another W2 job again. He's 39. I'm torn, because he's not sitting around doing nothing, he's turned his side hustle into a full-time business which is great. I am trying my best to be supportive.

However, the household management load and care of our two young DCs (one with HFA) has never come close to being evenly distributed, even though I've always worked full time. I've had it up to here after many discussions and arguments that go nowhere. And with him not working right now yet still not stepping up more, I am seething with resentment, and it has cause a massive loss of respect.

I am glad he's motivated with his business, but I'm not letting go of the expectation that, for example, I can trust him to watch our 10-month old DD for longer than 15 minutes without being zoned out on Tik Tok and neglecting her.

If he finally steps up in this regard, I'll be OK with him not working a W2. But in our latest discussion today, I did not mince words and said our marriage cannot continue the way it's been, and gently outlined actionable steps I would be taking to stop enabling him. He knows I am dead serious, but complains that I expect too much. God forbid he wash some dishes or clean a bathroom once in a while. I am holding my ground. To be continued...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine got let go from his job in January and has told me he never plans on working another W2 job again. He's 39. I'm torn, because he's not sitting around doing nothing, he's turned his side hustle into a full-time business which is great. I am trying my best to be supportive.

However, the household management load and care of our two young DCs (one with HFA) has never come close to being evenly distributed, even though I've always worked full time. I've had it up to here after many discussions and arguments that go nowhere. And with him not working right now yet still not stepping up more, I am seething with resentment, and it has cause a massive loss of respect.

I am glad he's motivated with his business, but I'm not letting go of the expectation that, for example, I can trust him to watch our 10-month old DD for longer than 15 minutes without being zoned out on Tik Tok and neglecting her.

If he finally steps up in this regard, I'll be OK with him not working a W2. But in our latest discussion today, I did not mince words and said our marriage cannot continue the way it's been, and gently outlined actionable steps I would be taking to stop enabling him. He knows I am dead serious, but complains that I expect too much. God forbid he wash some dishes or clean a bathroom once in a while. I am holding my ground. To be continued...

Good luck. Women need to suss out these deadbeat tendencies BEFORE marriage and kids. The red flags are usually right there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did you deal with this if this happened to you? How about your family? I feel like many men who are long term unemployed have mental health issues that regular SAHMs do not have, and that makes them unemployable and hiding at home. My friend in HS had such a father and it deeply affected her.

Why are women always psychoanalyzing men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let go of the sexism. Let men be SAHD and contribute by supporting their wives. There is nothing wrong with taking care of your family in other ways than earning a paycheck. If it works better for the family and both spouses are on same page, why is this your problem? Too much judgement with too little information is a waste of your time.

If they actually do it, great. But very few do the SAHD job well enough to actually relieve significant domestic burdens from their wives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So this is my husband. He took a buyout while we were in the process of moving. We realized while he wasn’t working, my career soared. He was able to manage our move and subsequent renovation projects perfectly and i got a huge promotion. We don’t need him to work to get by financially and I like that he handles all the pickups and dropoffs. That said, I always figured he’d eventually get another job or some consulting work for mental health/self-actualizarion purposes. But it’s been more than two years now and I see no signs that he’s interested.

Are you ok with him never working again? What’s stopping him?

Insecurity is stopping him I think. He’s worried about ageism in late 40s. I’m OK with him never working again but I also have a gnawing feeling that it’s not the best thing for him mental health wise.

I just started a job as a data scientist at 48. Tell your hubby he can do it too. If took me a year to do so but I made it. Maybe he will scuff at the $180k I am getting paid but it's not a bad salary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let go of the sexism. Let men be SAHD and contribute by supporting their wives. There is nothing wrong with taking care of your family in other ways than earning a paycheck. If it works better for the family and both spouses are on same page, why is this your problem? Too much judgement with too little information is a waste of your time.

If they actually do it, great. But very few do the SAHD job well enough to actually relieve significant domestic burdens from their wives.

I agree 100%. I'll admit to being a sexist because I will never be a SAHD dad. Even if my wife made a million a year and I made 100k I am not staying home and do domestic work and child care. As a man I feel like I should be working regardless of how much my wife makes. I am just being honest
Call me what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So this is my husband. He took a buyout while we were in the process of moving. We realized while he wasn’t working, my career soared. He was able to manage our move and subsequent renovation projects perfectly and i got a huge promotion. We don’t need him to work to get by financially and I like that he handles all the pickups and dropoffs. That said, I always figured he’d eventually get another job or some consulting work for mental health/self-actualizarion purposes. But it’s been more than two years now and I see no signs that he’s interested.

Are you ok with him never working again? What’s stopping him?

Insecurity is stopping him I think. He’s worried about ageism in late 40s. I’m OK with him never working again but I also have a gnawing feeling that it’s not the best thing for him mental health wise.

I just started a job as a data scientist at 48. Tell your hubby he can do it too. If took me a year to do so but I made it. Maybe he will scuff at the $180k I am getting paid but it's not a bad salary.

Tell us more about how you did this, please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine got let go from his job in January and has told me he never plans on working another W2 job again. He's 39. I'm torn, because he's not sitting around doing nothing, he's turned his side hustle into a full-time business which is great. I am trying my best to be supportive.

However, the household management load and care of our two young DCs (one with HFA) has never come close to being evenly distributed, even though I've always worked full time. I've had it up to here after many discussions and arguments that go nowhere. And with him not working right now yet still not stepping up more, I am seething with resentment, and it has cause a massive loss of respect.

I am glad he's motivated with his business, but I'm not letting go of the expectation that, for example, I can trust him to watch our 10-month old DD for longer than 15 minutes without being zoned out on Tik Tok and neglecting her.

If he finally steps up in this regard, I'll be OK with him not working a W2. But in our latest discussion today, I did not mince words and said our marriage cannot continue the way it's been, and gently outlined actionable steps I would be taking to stop enabling him. He knows I am dead serious, but complains that I expect too much. God forbid he wash some dishes or clean a bathroom once in a while. I am holding my ground. To be continued...

You can’t trust your unemployed 39-year-old husband to look after your 10-month-old daughter for longer than 15 minutes without zoning out on TikTok? That’s reminiscent of Christopher Scholtes, the Arizona dad who left his 2-year-old to die in a hot car while he played video games. No more kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sexist

+1