Longterm couples who aren't married and keep separate finances

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in a relationship w separate finances. But we’d help each other out if something happened. We met sorta later in life so never wanted to commingle (I .e. Both owned homes and had savings etc). We have a baby so one joint account for that.

Was he married when the relationship started? How old were you when the baby was born?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in a relationship w separate finances. But we’d help each other out if something happened. We met sorta later in life so never wanted to commingle (I .e. Both owned homes and had savings etc). We have a baby so one joint account for that.

Was he married when the relationship started? How old were you when the baby was born?

Both single when we met. Had a baby at 40.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If there is 100% trust, commitment and love, you do a medical POA and Power of attorney/transfer upon death/sole heir for surviving partner. A friend is going through this now with her older partner. She isn't dipping out as his life comes to an end. She is managing his affairs and arranging care. She does what she can, as she can. He won't leave much behind, but whatever is left is hers. His children were written out of the will decades ago and in all updates.

Good for her. In many cases unmarried women take care of much older men and get nothing

She has her own money. What she got from him was a long relationship, companionship and a fun travel partner. I think it is an honor to care for your loved one as they die. She isn't doing this for money, but out of love.

Would she be doing it at her own expense and if all his money went to his kids/siblings upon his death? I strongly doubt so

You are ignoring the fact that if he is unmarried, then all HIS assets would be attached/used for his care and/or medical bills. There wouldn't be much left in his accounts to go to his kids when he died.

[Anonymous]

^ And if an unmarried partner doesn't have any assets, then they will be eligible for Medicaid.

[Anonymous]

It's sad, but marriage is no guarantee of loyalty through thick and thin either.

[Anonymous]

It's fine, as long as they're ok with subsidizing/being subsidized or living at the level the poorer person can afford. It also means one person retires and the other keeps working.

Where it runs aground is assisted living-- if the lower wealth person needs an affordable facility, do you both go live there even if it's pretty awful? Or do you live separately and someone has to drive you to visit each other? There's not a good solution for this.

[Anonymous]

This keeps me up at night. I have a steady job and middling assets-- a home with a lot of equity, retirement savings on track-- but my partner has nothing. We're in our 50s and I'm terrified that he'll have a stroke or something and I'll be stuck caring for him. He earns just enough to contribute his share to the household, but claims he will never/ can never retire. Even in the fantasy world where we both stay healthy and active into old age, will he keep working after I retire?

I love him very much. He's a wonderful partner, taking on a larger share of household duties, openly and consistently affectionate, interesting and interested in me, etc etc. But I don't want to be stuck as the only support for an otherwise-destitute old man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This keeps me up at night. I have a steady job and middling assets-- a home with a lot of equity, retirement savings on track-- but my partner has nothing. We're in our 50s and I'm terrified that he'll have a stroke or something and I'll be stuck caring for him. He earns just enough to contribute his share to the household, but claims he will never/ can never retire. Even in the fantasy world where we both stay healthy and active into old age, will he keep working after I retire?

I love him very much. He's a wonderful partner, taking on a larger share of household duties, openly and consistently affectionate, interesting and interested in me, etc etc. But I don't want to be stuck as the only support for an otherwise-destitute old man.

Imagine if the genders were reversed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in your situation (younger + more money).

He knows I won't take care of him and he needs to have his own plans. He doesn't, but that's not my problem.

Why are you with him?

Companionship. Someone to have fun with. Sex. We also have a child together.

I don't view relationships as a safety net in case something happens to me. That's a terrible way to treat people.

Immature perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This keeps me up at night. I have a steady job and middling assets-- a home with a lot of equity, retirement savings on track-- but my partner has nothing. We're in our 50s and I'm terrified that he'll have a stroke or something and I'll be stuck caring for him. He earns just enough to contribute his share to the household, but claims he will never/ can never retire. Even in the fantasy world where we both stay healthy and active into old age, will he keep working after I retire?

I love him very much. He's a wonderful partner, taking on a larger share of household duties, openly and consistently affectionate, interesting and interested in me, etc etc. But I don't want to be stuck as the only support for an otherwise-destitute old man.

Imagine if the genders were reversed.

Ok...

I imagine the frustration would likely be the same. NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This keeps me up at night. I have a steady job and middling assets-- a home with a lot of equity, retirement savings on track-- but my partner has nothing. We're in our 50s and I'm terrified that he'll have a stroke or something and I'll be stuck caring for him. He earns just enough to contribute his share to the household, but claims he will never/ can never retire. Even in the fantasy world where we both stay healthy and active into old age, will he keep working after I retire?

I love him very much. He's a wonderful partner, taking on a larger share of household duties, openly and consistently affectionate, interesting and interested in me, etc etc. But I don't want to be stuck as the only support for an otherwise-destitute old man.

Imagine if the genders were reversed.

Ok... I'm imagining... now what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in your situation (younger + more money).

He knows I won't take care of him and he needs to have his own plans. He doesn't, but that's not my problem.

Why are you with him?

Companionship. Someone to have fun with. Sex. We also have a child together.

I don't view relationships as a safety net in case something happens to me. That's a terrible way to treat people.

Immature perspective.

+1.