The Obsession With Top Schools Is Sad

[Anonymous]

You should convey to kids well before they apply that with so many amazing people who are smart and great at different things, there really is no notion of desert in elite college admissions.

It is also what parents often fail to grasp. Your child doesn't "deserve it" (neither does mine).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should convey to kids well before they apply that with so many amazing people who are smart and great at different things, there really is no notion of desert in elite college admissions.

It is also what parents often fail to grasp. Your child doesn't "deserve it" (neither does mine).

The fact that many parents don’t seem to do this as evident by these forums is really sad. Makes me wonder if some parents are doing this to live through their kids. And at what cost? Saying your kid goes to Harvard or MIT will not single-handedly get you a seat at the table. People have to understand there’s more to life than this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should convey to kids well before they apply that with so many amazing people who are smart and great at different things, there really is no notion of desert in elite college admissions.

It is also what parents often fail to grasp. Your child doesn't "deserve it" (neither does mine).

THIS. Especially the bolded. So sick of the whining parents every spring who just can't get over the fact that their kid didn't get into schools they ASSumed they should get into. They don't deserve admission anywhere, any more than my kids do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK B o o m e r.

Ummm you don't have to be a Boomer to think like that. You literally just have to be smart enough, reasonable enough to understand what a single digit acceptance rate means.

Find the 4-5 Top schools that interest you/are a good fit for you all around, apply and hope, but at same time create an excellent list of Target and Safeties that your kid also Loves and would really want to attend. Focus your enegery on those, because that is most likely where they will be attending.
To improve your enjoyment/happiness, make sure 1-2 of the targets are where your kid is at/above 75% and the acceptance rate is also 30%+.

Agree. Colleges have many many characteristics (quality of food, beauty of campus, safety, sports, class size, etc etc etc), & some people have allowed ONE of those characteristics (how hard it is to get into) to trump all the rest.

If getting an excellent education is the goal, there are hundreds of American colleges where the professors know 100X what your 18-year-old knows.

—Parent of a kid who went to a top 10 & another kid who went to a top 150. They BOTH learned a lot.

[Anonymous]

FYI- there are some of us who actually hope our kids don’t get into an Ivy. One DC is a high stats/ high EC students and wants to apply to top 10 schools (and yes, I know DC is not guaranteed a spot). There is so much more to life than living under the pressure of having to constantly over perform.

Oldest is in an Honors program at a SEC school and it is a great fit. Truly don’t care what others think.

[Anonymous]

"Learn that your kid isn’t special and that’s okay. Your kid, your family, etc. isn’t destined for greatness because they worked hard during high school."

Somehow, I don't think this should be the takeaway from school rejection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Learn that your kid isn’t special and that’s okay. Your kid, your family, etc. isn’t destined for greatness because they worked hard during high school."

Somehow, I don't think this should be the takeaway from school rejection.

+1. How about learn these schools are not as special as you think they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Learn that your kid isn’t special and that’s okay. Your kid, your family, etc. isn’t destined for greatness because they worked hard during high school."

Somehow, I don't think this should be the takeaway from school rejection.

+1. How about learn these schools are not as special as you think they are.

As OP I apologize. This is what I meant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This forum, r/ApplyingToCollege, CollegeConfidential, etc. is getting borderline depressing now. I understand it from the kids’ perspective, but to see parents falling over themselves because their kid got rejected from a school with an 8% acceptance rate is sad. Supposedly well-adjusted people “crashing out” over rejections from notoriously selective schools.

Learn that your kid isn’t special and that’s okay. Your kid, your family, etc. isn’t destined for greatness because they worked hard during high school. So did a majority of their classmates. You or your kid doesn’t deserve an elite school. You’re just another upper middle class family who is status obsessed who has nothing substantial to offer the world. American dream, whatever it was, never existed or just wasn’t accessible to you. Learn to grow up and teach your kids about life and reality.

When you sit down and watch this clamoring for four years of a person’s life, you realize how utterly stupid this all is. But no one wants to hear this because they think their kid is some savant for getting above a 1500 SAT. Give me a break.

Sorry your kid didn't get in

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally agree but its just another example of an upper middle class arms race. Everyone is so afraid of keeping up with their neighbors and feeling inferior - its really sad. We learned this early with sports and its carried over to education in spades.

And others don't give a crap what neighbors are doing literally about anything and never have. But people think everyone else is trying to "keep up" whatever that even means.

Do what you and your family want or can. Stop looking over at the Jones. They aren't all that anyways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This forum, r/ApplyingToCollege, CollegeConfidential, etc. is getting borderline depressing now. I understand it from the kids’ perspective, but to see parents falling over themselves because their kid got rejected from a school with an 8% acceptance rate is sad. Supposedly well-adjusted people “crashing out” over rejections from notoriously selective schools.

Learn that your kid isn’t special and that’s okay. Your kid, your family, etc. isn’t destined for greatness because they worked hard during high school. So did a majority of their classmates. You or your kid doesn’t deserve an elite school. You’re just another upper middle class family who is status obsessed who has nothing substantial to offer the world. American dream, whatever it was, never existed or just wasn’t accessible to you. Learn to grow up and teach your kids about life and reality.

When you sit down and watch this clamoring for four years of a person’s life, you realize how utterly stupid this all is. But no one wants to hear this because they think their kid is some savant for getting above a 1500 SAT. Give me a break.

Sorry your kid didn't get in

I’m at a top school. That’s why it’s even more sad. These schools aren’t that amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This forum, r/ApplyingToCollege, CollegeConfidential, etc. is getting borderline depressing now. I understand it from the kids’ perspective, but to see parents falling over themselves because their kid got rejected from a school with an 8% acceptance rate is sad. Supposedly well-adjusted people “crashing out” over rejections from notoriously selective schools.

Learn that your kid isn’t special and that’s okay. Your kid, your family, etc. isn’t destined for greatness because they worked hard during high school. So did a majority of their classmates. You or your kid doesn’t deserve an elite school. You’re just another upper middle class family who is status obsessed who has nothing substantial to offer the world. American dream, whatever it was, never existed or just wasn’t accessible to you. Learn to grow up and teach your kids about life and reality.

When you sit down and watch this clamoring for four years of a person’s life, you realize how utterly stupid this all is. But no one wants to hear this because they think their kid is some savant for getting above a 1500 SAT. Give me a break.

Sorry your kid didn't get in

I’m at a top school. That’s why it’s even more sad. These schools aren’t that amazing.

Wake doesn't count

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This forum, r/ApplyingToCollege, CollegeConfidential, etc. is getting borderline depressing now. I understand it from the kids’ perspective, but to see parents falling over themselves because their kid got rejected from a school with an 8% acceptance rate is sad. Supposedly well-adjusted people “crashing out” over rejections from notoriously selective schools.

Learn that your kid isn’t special and that’s okay. Your kid, your family, etc. isn’t destined for greatness because they worked hard during high school. So did a majority of their classmates. You or your kid doesn’t deserve an elite school. You’re just another upper middle class family who is status obsessed who has nothing substantial to offer the world. American dream, whatever it was, never existed or just wasn’t accessible to you. Learn to grow up and teach your kids about life and reality.

When you sit down and watch this clamoring for four years of a person’s life, you realize how utterly stupid this all is. But no one wants to hear this because they think their kid is some savant for getting above a 1500 SAT. Give me a break.

Sorry your kid didn't get in

I’m at a top school. That’s why it’s even more sad. These schools aren’t that amazing.

Wake doesn't count

Don’t know why you’re riding hard for these institutions. You’re not a great person because your kid is at a T10. You’re exactly who I’m talking about and it’s sad as a grown adult you’re acting this way. Hope you get therapy instead of having your college rank tied to your self esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This forum, r/ApplyingToCollege, CollegeConfidential, etc. is getting borderline depressing now. I understand it from the kids’ perspective, but to see parents falling over themselves because their kid got rejected from a school with an 8% acceptance rate is sad. Supposedly well-adjusted people “crashing out” over rejections from notoriously selective schools.

Learn that your kid isn’t special and that’s okay. Your kid, your family, etc. isn’t destined for greatness because they worked hard during high school. So did a majority of their classmates. You or your kid doesn’t deserve an elite school. You’re just another upper middle class family who is status obsessed who has nothing substantial to offer the world. American dream, whatever it was, never existed or just wasn’t accessible to you. Learn to grow up and teach your kids about life and reality.

When you sit down and watch this clamoring for four years of a person’s life, you realize how utterly stupid this all is. But no one wants to hear this because they think their kid is some savant for getting above a 1500 SAT. Give me a break.

Sorry your kid didn't get in

I’m at a top school. That’s why it’s even more sad. These schools aren’t that amazing.

Wake doesn't count

Don’t know why you’re riding hard for these institutions. You’re not a great person because your kid is at a T10. You’re exactly who I’m talking about and it’s sad as a grown adult you’re acting this way. Hope you get therapy instead of having your college rank tied to your self esteem.

I think you are projecting. Your lack of college rank is killing your own self esteem. Breathe, it’s going to be ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Learn that your kid isn’t special and that’s okay. Your kid, your family, etc. isn’t destined for greatness because they worked hard during high school."

Somehow, I don't think this should be the takeaway from school rejection.

+1. How about learn these schools are not as special as you think they are.

100% agree. Blaming the students for not getting in DOESN'T HELP THIS MINDSET.