Anyone's kid pick their own nickname at school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You let kids be called by what they want to be called. It's respect. I don't think nicknames are necessarily because they think their name is too ethnic. Usually they're just short names that their friends can shout easily on the playground.

What's the nickname for Aksel in your home country? Can you offer that up? Nicknames aren't an English thing, nearly every language has them.

NP. PP is not understanding the cultural dynamic at play here. Wanting a nickname? Sure. Because your “ethnic” name is weird to your white/american peers. Not okay. I am sure he is being teased for it at school. Your experience is not uncommon. Here’s what I suggest, OP:

1. Contact teacher to express concerns and ask what they have seen in the classroom. If their answer is nothing, then ask them to keep a look out and intervene and report back to you. If it continues, then escalate to Principal. There may also be a Director of Diversity that you can contact. Sometimes it’s outright bullying, other times it is just ignorance and curiosity but it can still hurt if such exchanges are not supervised & guided by a knowledgeable adult. Especially at this young age.

2. At the same time, talk to your son. Be curious and ask questions to understand his thinking and where this is coming from (e.g. class bullying or other). No judgments or opinions from you at this stage. Just curiosity and a safe space for your son to share with you.

3. After this point, then you can begin sharing your thoughts & taking action steps. You might say that choosing a nickname is certainly fine but he should also be proud of his name. Show him famous people with the same name and also other “ethnic” names - scientists, athletes, celebrities. Share stories about other famous people who had ethnically different names and their experience overcoming those challenges while being proud of who they are and where they come from. Then give him the choice. (And it’s okay if he still wants the nickname but do keep the conversation ongoing to continue to build confidence.)

4.Give him the right language. Not “weird”. “Representative of my heritage.”; “It seems weird to you because you don’t know about x country.”; “I love my name. It’s not boring or common.” Language gives him the tools to process and articulate the nuance, and to speak up for himself.
5. Of course your discussion is geared to what it developmentally appropriate. I think you said 2nd grade. Some children’s books to explore with your son: My Name (Kelkar); What If We Were All The Same!: A Children's Rhyming Book About Diversity (Harris); We’re Different, We’re The Same (Mathieu); The Day You Begin (López).

I hope this helps!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You let kids be called by what they want to be called. It's respect. I don't think nicknames are necessarily because they think their name is too ethnic. Usually they're just short names that their friends can shout easily on the playground.

What's the nickname for Aksel in your home country? Can you offer that up? Nicknames aren't an English thing, nearly every language has them.

NP. PP is not understanding the cultural dynamic at play here. Wanting a nickname? Sure. Because your “ethnic” name is weird to your white/american peers. Not okay. I am sure he is being teased for it at school. Your experience is not uncommon. Here’s what I suggest, OP:

1. Contact teacher to express concerns and ask what they have seen in the classroom. If their answer is nothing, then ask them to keep a look out and intervene and report back to you. If it continues, then escalate to Principal. There may also be a Director of Diversity that you can contact. Sometimes it’s outright bullying, other times it is just ignorance and curiosity but it can still hurt if such exchanges are not supervised & guided by a knowledgeable adult. Especially at this young age.

2. At the same time, talk to your son. Be curious and ask questions to understand his thinking and where this is coming from (e.g. class bullying or other). No judgments or opinions from you at this stage. Just curiosity and a safe space for your son to share with you.

3. After this point, then you can begin sharing your thoughts & taking action steps. You might say that choosing a nickname is certainly fine but he should also be proud of his name. Show him famous people with the same name and also other “ethnic” names - scientists, athletes, celebrities. Share stories about other famous people who had ethnically different names and their experience overcoming those challenges while being proud of who they are and where they come from. Then give him the choice. (And it’s okay if he still wants the nickname but do keep the conversation ongoing to continue to build confidence.)

4.Give him the right language. Not “weird”. “Representative of my heritage.”; “It seems weird to you because you don’t know about x country.”; “I love my name. It’s not boring or common.” Language gives him the tools to process and articulate the nuance, and to speak up for himself.
5. Of course your discussion is geared to what it developmentally appropriate. I think you said 2nd grade. Some children’s books to explore with your son: My Name (Kelkar); What If We Were All The Same!: A Children's Rhyming Book About Diversity (Harris); We’re Different, We’re The Same (Mathieu); The Day You Begin (López).

I hope this helps!

Lol. A lot of ethnic names outside of a specific culture is weird. Braydon would be a weird in Africa. Every name post on this forum is “don’t name your kid X because kids will call him Y.” When it’s an objectively weird name (something no one can pronounce and have never heard of) suddenly everyone in this forum is in a huff.

OP you named your kid a bad name for the culture he lives in. Thats not offensive, it’s called reality. The kid should get a nickname, obviously.

[Anonymous]

I have a family member who did this. Adult now and still goes by the nickname. It was a forever thing for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He needs a nickname. It’s a nice name but he’s not in your home country and it doesn’t flow well in English.

Ace is a rather ambitious nickname to live up to. Maybe discuss some alternatives?

BULLSHIT. When white Americans stop naming their kids stupid Gaelic names that somehow magically everybody can pronounce like Saoirse and Aiofe, we'll all start naming our kids Jack and Henry. If you can pronounce these Gaelic names that ALSO DO NOT FLOW WELL IN ENGLISH because your great-great-great-granny was Irish, then we'll stop naming kids from our actual ethnicity that you could EASILY pronounce if you gave a shit and tried even just the teeny tiniest bit.

Look, basically anyone who advises against difficult names from whatever your ethnicity is, also advises against "stupid Gaelic names" for the same reason. Aoibhinn, for example, is just not a good name for a child who's going to grow up in America, no matter her parents' background.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a family member who did this. Adult now and still goes by the nickname. It was a forever thing for her.

+1. Our friend is Israeli and chose an American sounding version of his name when he went to college and never changed it back. He’s 50 now.

[Anonymous]

Possibly helpful to share: https://www.alsc.ala.org/blog/2023/09/misnamed-and-mispronounced-picture-books/

[Anonymous]

There are ways to pick names from a culture that also “sound” somewhat normal here. Our Indian neighbors choose two names that everyone has heard here but still used Indian spellings. Ivaan and Aanya. Easy to pronounce and don’t sound out of place; but still honors the children’s heritage.

[Anonymous]

I think any parent of a child with a multi syllabic first name should always do some nickname planning. While a few kids will stay “Jonathan” or “Victoria”, for many of them it’s going to get cut down in syllables as other people start calling them by their name, especially if there are combinations of sounds that require someone to change their mouth shape/tongue positioning a lot to say in quick succession. So have something in mind to use for “Endicott” or be prepared to go with the flow when the kid or their schoolmates generate something else. I still use my kid’s multisyllabic name, but we’ve already degerated to that old joke “hi, I’m Enny, only my mother calls me Endicott”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think any parent of a child with a multi syllabic first name should always do some nickname planning. While a few kids will stay “Jonathan” or “Victoria”, for many of them it’s going to get cut down in syllables as other people start calling them by their name, especially if there are combinations of sounds that require someone to change their mouth shape/tongue positioning a lot to say in quick succession. So have something in mind to use for “Endicott” or be prepared to go with the flow when the kid or their schoolmates generate something else. I still use my kid’s multisyllabic name, but we’ve already degerated to that old joke “hi, I’m Enny, only my mother calls me Endicott”

We did something similar. Wanted to use the name Elizabeth. I was worried it would be shortened to Liz or Beth at school, both of which I dislike. So we preemptively made the nickname Libby, which I really like.

[Anonymous]

DS has a name that is commonly shortened. I like the short version but DH didn't want him called that. In first grade DS came home from school and said he wanted to be called the short version now.

My dad hated his first name and went by a nickname based on his last name starting in high school. Most people in his life had no idea what his real first name was. Only his family of origin still called him by the original name.

Ultimately what they are called in the world is up to the kid.