DD is 13. One of her closest friends is 15. Should I be concerned?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:17:23 and I’ll add that my 16 yo son is close friends with an 18 yo and in a similar situation. If it was a random 18 he just met I would be concern. It’s an 18 year old through a common interest and they spend a lot of time together because of it. They are legit friends and it’s fine.

Yes my 17 yo junior has a couple friends who are in college now. They hung out as sophomores/seniors - our next door neighbor is one grade up and a good friend and these were HER friends…one grade up. Really no big deal.

[Anonymous]

My girls are 19 months apart so until recently they were 15 and 13. They get along great with each other and also with each other's friends. And if they're focused on their sport they've got more in common and mutual friends that they wouldn't have otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in an activity in high school ages 13 through 18. When I was 16 two of my best friends were 14. Two years is nothing.

Were those activities church group or were those activities smoking pot?

No religion involved. Our friends were all about 14-17 years old and the oldest weren’t necessarily the ones smoking pot. My younger friends had sex way before me. There’s not a timeline that everyone goes through at the exact same time.

[Anonymous]

I was a 3-sport athlete in a very difficult private high school where everyone was serious about school and sports and when I was a freshman I made varsity for two of the sports and hung out with older girls. It was totally fine- they were all great to me and I didn’t grow up and “faster” than I would have otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think this is developmentally appropriate. It’s great they get along and if your daughter was included in larger hangouts with the team, but this girl “frequently” wanting to hang out with your 13 yrs old daughter is odd. Doesn’t she have friends in her own grade, if not, why?

Actually, what's developmentally inappropriate is the expectation that kids will only socialize with other kids "their own age", generally determined by what grade they are in. Kids of all ages benefit from socializing with kids both older and younger than they are. This used to happen naturally within the context of large extended families/communities, but these days kids relationships are so structured and orchestrated by parents it's much rarer. Kids who are emotionally mature don't balk at the idea of socializing/mentoring kids who are younger than they are. I think it's great.

Socializing is a very vague term. I think it’s fine to socialize and be friends with an age range. But for a 15 yr old to want to be BFFs and seek frequently hanging out 1:1 with a 13 yr old seem like it could lead to trouble. There is a big maturity and developmental difference between 13 and 15. If I were the parent, I would put the breaks on how often they hang out and lean more toward group/team hangouts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think this is developmentally appropriate. It’s great they get along and if your daughter was included in larger hangouts with the team, but this girl “frequently” wanting to hang out with your 13 yrs old daughter is odd. Doesn’t she have friends in her own grade, if not, why?

Actually, what's developmentally inappropriate is the expectation that kids will only socialize with other kids "their own age", generally determined by what grade they are in. Kids of all ages benefit from socializing with kids both older and younger than they are. This used to happen naturally within the context of large extended families/communities, but these days kids relationships are so structured and orchestrated by parents it's much rarer. Kids who are emotionally mature don't balk at the idea of socializing/mentoring kids who are younger than they are. I think it's great.

Socializing is a very vague term. I think it’s fine to socialize and be friends with an age range. But for a 15 yr old to want to be BFFs and seek frequently hanging out 1:1 with a 13 yr old seem like it could lead to trouble. There is a big maturity and developmental difference between 13 and 15. If I were the parent, I would put the breaks on how often they hang out and lean more toward group/team hangouts.

And we wonder why kids are part of the Anxious Generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in an activity in high school ages 13 through 18. When I was 16 two of my best friends were 14. Two years is nothing.

Were those activities church group or were those activities smoking pot?

lol growing up, church youth group was where many kids had their first experiences with sex and/or drugs. All those lock ins, what were they thinking?

[Anonymous]

OP, you should monitor so they have a friendship ~ like they are both 13. Don't change *your* rules, in any way, because the friend is older. The age of the youngest, should establish what the friendship looks like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think this is developmentally appropriate. It’s great they get along and if your daughter was included in larger hangouts with the team, but this girl “frequently” wanting to hang out with your 13 yrs old daughter is odd. Doesn’t she have friends in her own grade, if not, why?

Actually, what's developmentally inappropriate is the expectation that kids will only socialize with other kids "their own age", generally determined by what grade they are in. Kids of all ages benefit from socializing with kids both older and younger than they are. This used to happen naturally within the context of large extended families/communities, but these days kids relationships are so structured and orchestrated by parents it's much rarer. Kids who are emotionally mature don't balk at the idea of socializing/mentoring kids who are younger than they are. I think it's great.

Socializing is a very vague term. I think it’s fine to socialize and be friends with an age range. But for a 15 yr old to want to be BFFs and seek frequently hanging out 1:1 with a 13 yr old seem like it could lead to trouble. There is a big maturity and developmental difference between 13 and 15. If I were the parent, I would put the breaks on how often they hang out and lean more toward group/team hangouts.

And we wonder why kids are part of the Anxious Generation.

Seriously. The only thing unnatural here is this kind of parental overreaction. There is literally no problem otherwise.

[Anonymous]

DS is 18 (freshman in college) and his 2 best friends are 16 (juniors in HS.) They have been friends for a long time (met on summer swim team when they were really little) and have maintained the friendship all these years.

I would say DS is probably a little immature for his age (though doing great in college) and the other kids are probably a little more mature...so it all levels out.

[Anonymous]

Not a big gap if they have common interests, especially if each has other friend so her own age.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think this is that big of an age difference. One of my kids just turned 11 and is the youngest on her sports team, most are 13 or about to turn 13. She’s also friends with our neighbor who is 9. They’ve been playing since they were 4 and 6 and are still best friends at 9 and 11.