DD is 13. One of her closest friends is 15. Should I be concerned?

[Anonymous]

DD13 plays a sport competitively and her coach often has her playing 2 years up. She really got along well with this one girl who is 15. I was surprised mostly that a 15 year old would be interested in a friendship with a 13 year old but the 2 of them clicked immediately and always seem to have a good time together. We got to know the friend and her family during practices and games and they are genuinely nice people. The friend goes to a different school and is very serious about her sport and her studies. She isn't really the partying type and does not have a boyfriend (not that we know of at least). The girls frequently ask about hanging out together after practice.
Is there anything I should be concerned about?

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

My DS is 15 and occasionally runs around outside with neighbor kids who are 13. The idea that their parents should be concerned is silliness.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

I don’t think this is developmentally appropriate. It’s great they get along and if your daughter was included in larger hangouts with the team, but this girl “frequently” wanting to hang out with your 13 yrs old daughter is odd. Doesn’t she have friends in her own grade, if not, why?

[Anonymous]

What? I met my lifelong best friend when her family moved in up the street when I was 12 and she was 10.

[Anonymous]

NO!!!!!

[Anonymous]

NP and my DD is a gymnast and a diver. She spends a lot of time with girls 2 years younger and 2-8 years older. In the case of diving, ages were more obvious from day 1 because of how competition age groups are kept consistent. In the case of gymnastics, there are girls whose ages I didn’t know for multiple years and didn’t realize they weren’t the same age as DD (comp age groups change every meet and are usually determined by taking every competition and dividing them into even groups by birthdate). I swam through HS and spent hours with kids older and younger and those are some of my happiest memories.

Anyway, I don’t have a problem with these friendships. They spend a lot of time together and if they’re doing sports together, they are hopefully too busy or tired to be getting into trouble. My DD also plays with kids in the neighborhood who range from 6 to 15. It helps that they don’t go to school together so no one feels weird about hanging out with older/younger kids.

The older girls have been a positive influence on DD and inspired her to work hard, helped her prepare for MS and HS academics, taught her some basics that I suck at (like hair care and crafts), and have doted on her like cousins and big sisters. DD doesn’t have siblings or older cousins, so this kind of attention and mentorship means a lot.

It would be really weird if adults only hung out with friends born during a 12-month period, but somehow we expect it to be the norm for kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think this is developmentally appropriate. It’s great they get along and if your daughter was included in larger hangouts with the team, but this girl “frequently” wanting to hang out with your 13 yrs old daughter is odd. Doesn’t she have friends in her own grade, if not, why?

Actually, what's developmentally inappropriate is the expectation that kids will only socialize with other kids "their own age", generally determined by what grade they are in. Kids of all ages benefit from socializing with kids both older and younger than they are. This used to happen naturally within the context of large extended families/communities, but these days kids relationships are so structured and orchestrated by parents it's much rarer. Kids who are emotionally mature don't balk at the idea of socializing/mentoring kids who are younger than they are. I think it's great.

[Anonymous]

One of my 15 year old's good friends is a College freshman (she's her cousin's GF)! It's like they're older/younger versions of each other, and they hit it off from the word go. Every time we plan vacations, DD asks if we can include her in the plans.

[Anonymous]

There is absolutely nothing sketchy or wrong with this scenario. In fact, it happens quite frequently when sports are involved. I played up on Varsity as a freshman in two sports and because the vast majority of my time was spent at practices and games, teammates became some of my closest friends.

[Anonymous]

OP are you concerned they are lesbians?

[Anonymous]

Out of curiosity, does your DD have older siblings? Is the other girl an oldest child or only?

I have observed that kids with older siblings can connect with older friends, especially when that kid is a youngest/oldest.
I know of several cases where 18 year olds are close with almost 15 year olds and it doesn't seem weird at all. Another set of besties are 13 and 11. The 13 year old is the older sibling and the 11 year old has 16 and 18 year old siblings.

[Anonymous]

of course it’s fine … I had several friends 1-2 years younger.

[Anonymous]

[b]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think this is developmentally appropriate. It’s great they get along and if your daughter was included in larger hangouts with the team, but this girl “frequently” wanting to hang out with your 13 yrs old daughter is odd. Doesn’t she have friends in her own grade, if not, why?

Actually, what's developmentally inappropriate is the expectation that kids will only socialize with other kids "their own age", generally determined by what grade they are in. Kids of all ages benefit from socializing with kids both older and younger than they are. This used to happen naturally within the context of large extended families/communities, but these days kids relationships are so structured and orchestrated by parents it's much rarer. Kids who are emotionally mature don't balk at the idea of socializing/mentoring kids who are younger than they are. I think it's great.

This.