The patents of my DD’s boyfriend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long have they been dating? Does the boyfriend have a decent job? Do either of these kids live at home? What specifically are the parents doing to make it a love bomb? Are these parents gifting a European vacation after a few months of dating.

Talk to your DD about her goals. Does she have a timeframe? Encourage TIME in the relationship for them to learn about each other, the good and the bad.

Just now one year. He is a student. But for months they have wanted her there for all holidays, join family vacations , give gifts, etc

[Anonymous]

As the mother of a son, can I try it? Does it work? I sort of think the opposite would be more appealing to a young woman: stay out of her way, their way. And not have expectations re: holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long have they been dating? Does the boyfriend have a decent job? Do either of these kids live at home? What specifically are the parents doing to make it a love bomb? Are these parents gifting a European vacation after a few months of dating.

Talk to your DD about her goals. Does she have a timeframe? Encourage TIME in the relationship for them to learn about each other, the good and the bad.

I do know someone who took their DD's rather newer BF to their European trip but it was more to get to know him and to not leave DD here with a new guy while they were away. She was 18.

[Anonymous]

After reading your update ^^, they are coming on strong. Wanting her with them for ALL holidays? Do they live in another area so your DD has to choose? Keep talking to her and ask questions: Does you DD feel pressure from the invites? Does the boyfriend follow his mother’s lead? Maybe someone on this board can recommend a boundary book. Wondering how the mother would react If your DD doesn’t want to go on vacation with them. Does she push her son to get her way. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get it. If they love their son and see him in love with someone likable, why wouldn't they encourage it? If man's parents try to keep it low interest, women or their families would be upset about that and hold it against them forever.

I the parents should be as polite as they would with any other friend of their child’s, pre-engagement . That way they appear neutral and the adult child is making all decisions about the future of the relationship.

When parents embrace the girlfriend as a family member early on, it is trying to influence things inappropriately.

Not necessarily. If they seem serious, parents may only want to build a good rapport as women tend to be sensitive about these things and hold grudges if they feel they they weren't weclcomed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get it. If they love their son and see him in love with someone likable, why wouldn't they encourage it? If man's parents try to keep it low interest, women or their families would be upset about that and hold it against them forever.

I the parents should be as polite as they would with any other friend of their child’s, pre-engagement . That way they appear neutral and the adult child is making all decisions about the future of the relationship.

When parents embrace the girlfriend as a family member early on, it is trying to influence things inappropriately.

Not necessarily. If they seem serious, parents may only want to build a good rapport as women tend to be sensitive about these things and hold grudges if they feel they they weren't weclcomed.

Why are you comfortable posting sexist descriptions of people you have never met?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get it. If they love their son and see him in love with someone likable, why wouldn't they encourage it? If man's parents try to keep it low interest, women or their families would be upset about that and hold it against them forever.

I the parents should be as polite as they would with any other friend of their child’s, pre-engagement . That way they appear neutral and the adult child is making all decisions about the future of the relationship.

When parents embrace the girlfriend as a family member early on, it is trying to influence things inappropriately.

Not necessarily. If they seem serious, parents may only want to build a good rapport as women tend to be sensitive about these things and hold grudges if they feel they they weren't weclcomed.

Why are you comfortable posting sexist descriptions of people you have never met?

Probably from collective impressions from replies on this forum, it goes without saying that individual experiences vary.

[Anonymous]

To be fair, men too can remember bad impressions or keep grudges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get it. If they love their son and see him in love with someone likable, why wouldn't they encourage it? If man's parents try to keep it low interest, women or their families would be upset about that and hold it against them forever.

I the parents should be as polite as they would with any other friend of their child’s, pre-engagement . That way they appear neutral and the adult child is making all decisions about the future of the relationship.

When parents embrace the girlfriend as a family member early on, it is trying to influence things inappropriately.

Not necessarily. If they seem serious, parents may only want to build a good rapport as women tend to be sensitive about these things and hold grudges if they feel they they weren't weclcomed.

Why are you comfortable posting sexist descriptions of people you have never met?

Probably from collective impressions from replies on this forum, it goes without saying that individual experiences vary.

But in most instances people on DCUM don’t announce their genders. So your biases are allowed to just echo in your brain.

[Anonymous]

Are you saying they are narcissists and this will turn into torture?
Or are they just being super nice to her?
If the latter, would you them rather be nasty to her?

[Anonymous]

Anyone with sons knows that future DIL will exert most of the control in terms of visiting and access to grand kids.

It’s in our best interests to treat our DIL well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you saying they are narcissists and this will turn into torture?
Or are they just being super nice to her?
If the latter, would you them rather be nasty to her?

Many parents find it difficult to see their kids becoming part of another family too. They fear it would weaken their bond with birth family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you saying they are narcissists and this will turn into torture?
Or are they just being super nice to her?
If the latter, would you them rather be nasty to her?

I would prefer that they wait until she is actually engaged to their son before they start treating her like his fiancée.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you saying they are narcissists and this will turn into torture?
Or are they just being super nice to her?
If the latter, would you them rather be nasty to her?

I would prefer that they wait until she is actually engaged to their son before they start treating her like his fiancée.

What are they doing? Paying her tuition?

[Anonymous]

I don't get what they are doing wrong? What do you consider love bombing specifically? Could it just be that they are nice people treating her kindly?