s/o how did your office crush / EA / PA end?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Had an EA with a colleague for about two years. We did not realize the depth of our feelings for each other for awhile so were pretty deep into it when awareness hit. We let it go about 6 months more. We are both married and both happy with our partners with no intention of leaving, but the pull to each other became too strong and it started to hurt my heart. I knew it had to end so I changed roles, made a VERY conscious effort to avoid contact, and he transfered deparments. We still work for the same company but that ended the regular contact and the ferocity of the feelings started to fade with time. I still still see him sometimes, and still think of him occassionally with a wistful 'in another life' feeling, but the daily ache and need has lifted thank god!

Do you think you would have been able to end it if you had remained in the same department? Would a conscious effort but without reduced proximity have sufficed?

[Anonymous]

DH and I went out with my crush and his wife a couple of times. Turned out that she liked my husband and we all hooked up a couple of times. It sort of fizzled out. None of us wanted a real relationship.

[Anonymous]

Do you think you would have been able to end it if you had remained in the same department? Would a conscious effort but without reduced proximity have sufficed?

I don't think so. We tried, and would be okay for a little while, keeping the emotional distance and just professional, but then one of us would slip and give the other a look, or we'd have a funny moment and laugh and the wall would drop, feelings would come crushing back in. It's REALLY hard to compartmentalize completely when you have real, visceral feelings for someone that you're trying to overcome. I have been married for 26 years and adore my husband and my life, but I am drawn to my colleague almost at a cellular level, as the woman I am now - he's in a similar situation. We had a friendship built on mutual respect and admiration - it's been just as hard to lose that connection of friendship as the romantic connection - but I respect my husband and our relationship too much to let it continue and had to choose. When we see each other every few months we still feel the pull to each other, and it's been over a year, so I don't think we could have ended the feelings for each other without the distance. I'm still trying to sweep them all away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think you would have been able to end it if you had remained in the same department? Would a conscious effort but without reduced proximity have sufficed?

I don't think so. We tried, and would be okay for a little while, keeping the emotional distance and just professional, but then one of us would slip and give the other a look, or we'd have a funny moment and laugh and the wall would drop, feelings would come crushing back in. It's REALLY hard to compartmentalize completely when you have real, visceral feelings for someone that you're trying to overcome. I have been married for 26 years and adore my husband and my life, but I am drawn to my colleague almost at a cellular level, as the woman I am now - he's in a similar situation. We had a friendship built on mutual respect and admiration - it's been just as hard to lose that connection of friendship as the romantic connection - but I respect my husband and our relationship too much to let it continue and had to choose. When we see each other every few months we still feel the pull to each other, and it's been over a year, so I don't think we could have ended the feelings for each other without the distance. I'm still trying to sweep them all away.

Thanks for your perspective. If I may ask: was an unsatisfactory sex life with your DH a factor in the development of your crush/EA? If it was unsatisfactory, do you think that you would have fallen for the temptation, or that you would have had a harder time putting the crush behind, even with the distance?

[Anonymous]

Thanks for your perspective. If I may ask: was an unsatisfactory sex life with your DH a factor in the development of your crush/EA? If it was unsatisfactory, do you think that you would have fallen for the temptation, or that you would have had a harder time putting the crush behind, even with the distance?

It was not. I am incredibly lucky in my marriage - we certainly have our issues like anyone but have a wonderful connection both physically and emotionally. He's supportive and understanding and I like to think I am the same. After 26 years of marriage we have raised our kids well and together, have the same approach to our finances, and enjoy many of our hobbies and social activates together. I was not seeking and did not need anything more. This is why I think it took me/us so long to realize what was happening with my colleague, the connection was natural and instinctual, not stemming from a hole I was trying to fill. I think it actually would have been easier to put it behind me if it was just about the sex or trying to fill a void. The relationship felt like an enhancement to my life, not an actual need I was trying to remedy.

It sounds like you're in a tough spot, but you have the right instincts. Ending 'it', whatever 'it' is for you, will not be easy, but once you do you'll feel better knowing you did the right thing, even while you're heart is breaking a little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a big difference between a crush and an EA/PA. For the most part, I think a crush is harmless as long as it does not get in the way of anyone doing their job in a fair and impartial manner.

Your partner probably disagrees. A crush takes energy out of the relationship.

NP. My wife and I talk about our work crushes all the time. We laugh at them. A middle aged parent falling in love with a 25 year old new hire who laughs at their jokes is objectively funny. Neither one of us has ever acted on them.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for your perspective. If I may ask: was an unsatisfactory sex life with your DH a factor in the development of your crush/EA? If it was unsatisfactory, do you think that you would have fallen for the temptation, or that you would have had a harder time putting the crush behind, even with the distance?

Should have added... yes, I do think if I was unsatisfied in my marriage in some way it would have been harder to put behind me and the temptation would have been stronger. In that case I think the distance would have been even more essential, maybe even more distance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't even know what EA or PA means? From the context of comments it is some kind of AP?

At any rate, I had a very serious work crush 20 years ago. We are together and happily married.

But this wasn't a crush on a married person that may have evolved into an emotional or physical affair, right?

Neither of us were married.

[Anonymous]

still going ..15+ years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a big difference between a crush and an EA/PA. For the most part, I think a crush is harmless as long as it does not get in the way of anyone doing their job in a fair and impartial manner.

Your partner probably disagrees. A crush takes energy out of the relationship.

NP. My wife and I talk about our work crushes all the time. We laugh at them. A middle aged parent falling in love with a 25 year old new hire who laughs at their jokes is objectively funny. Neither one of us has ever acted on them.

And that is because you talk about them! they lose their power when your spouse knows and gently teases you about Marc in Accounting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a big difference between a crush and an EA/PA. For the most part, I think a crush is harmless as long as it does not get in the way of anyone doing their job in a fair and impartial manner.

Your partner probably disagrees. A crush takes energy out of the relationship.

NP. My wife and I talk about our work crushes all the time. We laugh at them. A middle aged parent falling in love with a 25 year old new hire who laughs at their jokes is objectively funny. Neither one of us has ever acted on them.

And that is because you talk about them! they lose their power when your spouse knows and gently teases you about Marc in Accounting.

ehh..I told my husband about a colleague I started to have feelings for so strong it scared me. I figured if he knows, then I can feel more safe in knowing it will go nowhere. That’s not really how it went.

[Anonymous]

Got in a fight about something small that escalated. I made it clear we are not friends and I am just here to work.

I admit I escalated the fight because honestly, I wanted to end this crush/EA after so much time. I wanted him to think I’m a bad person, and no longer trust me.

Complication is that this was my boss so we still have to work very closely together. I’m not worried about being fired.

[Anonymous]

My affair ended when we got married. Things don't always end badly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a big difference between a crush and an EA/PA. For the most part, I think a crush is harmless as long as it does not get in the way of anyone doing their job in a fair and impartial manner.

Your partner probably disagrees. A crush takes energy out of the relationship.

NP. My wife and I talk about our work crushes all the time. We laugh at them. A middle aged parent falling in love with a 25 year old new hire who laughs at their jokes is objectively funny. Neither one of us has ever acted on them.

And that is because you talk about them! they lose their power when your spouse knows and gently teases you about Marc in Accounting.

ehh..I told my husband about a colleague I started to have feelings for so strong it scared me. I figured if he knows, then I can feel more safe in knowing it will go nowhere. That’s not really how it went.

Could you tell us how it went? I considered telling DH about a crush, but I didn't. I think if I did I wouldn't have crossed the line. That didn't work for you?

[Anonymous]

Let's be honest, these posts are some of the most pathetic topics posted here. Pathetic.