Ugly women...what are your lives like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
That's fine to acknowledge not being the most attractive, and I agree, but calling yourself "ugly" is something different.

Maybe we need to start reclaiming the word. I don’t know. It only has as much power as you give it. If someone wants to call me ugly, oh well.

[Anonymous]

Does it really need to be reclaimed? Is anyone actually calling you ugly? I bet you aren't. People are who they are, and most people can look generally attractive with a little grooming.

I'm not saying everyone is beautiful, because that's a different thing, but not being beautiful does not mean "ugly."

This thread feels like high school to me - the mean girl OP trying to put people in their place. It's crazy how some people never get over that stuff.

[Anonymous]

Funny, I was just talking to DD this morning about something similar. She's a young teen and seems to be turning out to be good looking (unusual for my side of the family.) I had a made a throw away comment about how after a certain age, we are all just "decomposing in looks" and that seemed to make an impact on her, so I felt I had to address that.

We discussed how, yes, that youthful good looks can be a fleeting thing, but that didn't mean that people couldn't present themselves to the world in the best possible light, that they are inherently valuable and worth adorning regardless of how other people would rate them. There is no harm in enjoying your looks, but that investing in a strong body and strong mind will give dividends long after people have deemed that you aren't pretty anymore.

But it was her comment that putting an adjective in front of a person (pretty girl as opposed to a girl who is pretty) seems to erroneously put them in a category where that is all that defines them. So for OP who says "ugly women" as if these are not multi-faceted women who maybe don't rate as high on the looks scale. As if they are "low value" to use a strange but common term nowadays, just because of how they look, ignoring everything else they have going on in their lives which may be wonderful. What kind of person would OP be to wonder what their lives are? Their lives are just like the lives of other women, of course.

Sorry for the rambling. I'm finding that raising a young woman these days has me really digging deep and questioning things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

But, I met know DH when I was 30 and it was like a Lifetime movie. I had immersed myself in school, became multilingual and had an exciting international career. I was sure I'd be single forever and was fine with it. And then, my world changed. We celebrated 30 years together the end of this month. Things haven't always been smooth but I have a good person as a partner who loves sleeping with me every night. We sometimes struggle financially, have 1 kid (of 3) with SN but have a rich home life.

This sounds more like a Hallmark movie. If it were a Lifetime movie, your DH would be having an illicit affair and planning your murder.

[Anonymous]

I work with a woman who is horribly overweight and misshapen (not a good overweight), chronic health problems, grating personality (always complaining about health and how other parts of life have done her wrong) BUT she's been married for decades, lives a great life of travel US and abroad, great relationships, grown kids are very successful (also very unattractive) And she has grand kids! who live nearby! Drives very high-end cars. I could go on -

Meanwhile I am conventionally very attractive and i scrape by on my looks, as do my DCs and they are not doing so well.

My theory- when you are unattractive you have more time to focus and more need to take care of yourself and far fewer distractions.

Not a universal theory but works for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Except for my DH, I don't think any guy found me attractive at our initial meeting. I've always been short, curvy, curly reddish hair (better now with products) and "too smart". My father was a pillar of the community but, behind closed doors, a raging monster. Even if a guy found me attractive, it couldn't have gone anywhere while my father was alive.

But, I met know DH when I was 30 and it was like a Lifetime movie. I had immersed myself in school, became multilingual and had an exciting international career. I was sure I'd be single forever and was fine with it. And then, my world changed. We celebrated 30 years together the end of this month. Things haven't always been smooth but I have a good person as a partner who loves sleeping with me every night. We sometimes struggle financially, have 1 kid (of 3) with SN but have a rich home life.

I don't believe this even exists, although people post on here about this -- especially with regard to socially struggling children -- all the time. Super smart women are attractive.

[Anonymous]

I work with a colleague who, despite being with the organization for over 15 years, had struggled to secure promotions possibly due to her appearance. Six months after I joined, I was in line for a promotion, but there was a concern that this colleague might react negatively due to the new, younger team member advancing so quickly. To manage the situation, leadership decided to promote her simultaneously to avoid conflict. She often compensates for her perceived lack of attractiveness with defensive behavior, territoriality, and a fear-driven approach. On the other hand, I leveraged my technical expertise, hiring skills, and servant leadership to earn a promotion within six months. My youthful energy and appearance, which is notable in the tech industry where striking looks are less common, likely played a role in my rapid advancement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work with a colleague who, despite being with the organization for over 15 years, had struggled to secure promotions possibly due to her appearance. Six months after I joined, I was in line for a promotion, but there was a concern that this colleague might react negatively due to the new, younger team member advancing so quickly. To manage the situation, leadership decided to promote her simultaneously to avoid conflict. She often compensates for her perceived lack of attractiveness with defensive behavior, territoriality, and a fear-driven approach. On the other hand, I leveraged my technical expertise, hiring skills, and servant leadership to earn a promotion within six months. My youthful energy and appearance, which is notable in the tech industry where striking looks are less common, likely played a role in my rapid advancement.

In reflecting on the situation, my point is that if someone is perceived as less attractive, they might feel the need to adopt compensating behaviors, which can often be perceived negatively, to advance in their career. This might be because they face greater challenges in being heard or appreciated, making options like instilling fear a tactic for gaining authority or respect. It's a troubling dynamic that speaks to deeper issues of bias and perception in professional environments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny, I was just talking to DD this morning about something similar. She's a young teen and seems to be turning out to be good looking (unusual for my side of the family.) I had a made a throw away comment about how after a certain age, we are all just "decomposing in looks" and that seemed to make an impact on her, so I felt I had to address that.

We discussed how, yes, that youthful good looks can be a fleeting thing, but that didn't mean that people couldn't present themselves to the world in the best possible light, that they are inherently valuable and worth adorning regardless of how other people would rate them. There is no harm in enjoying your looks, but that investing in a strong body and strong mind will give dividends long after people have deemed that you aren't pretty anymore.

But it was her comment that putting an adjective in front of a person (pretty girl as opposed to a girl who is pretty) seems to erroneously put them in a category where that is all that defines them. So for OP who says "ugly women" as if these are not multi-faceted women who maybe don't rate as high on the looks scale. As if they are "low value" to use a strange but common term nowadays, just because of how they look, ignoring everything else they have going on in their lives which may be wonderful. What kind of person would OP be to wonder what their lives are? Their lives are just like the lives of other women, of course.

Sorry for the rambling. I'm finding that raising a young woman these days has me really digging deep and questioning things.

This is some genuine wisdom here ^^^.

[Anonymous]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I was not considered beautiful at all in school, which really damaged my self-esteem.
Once, during a school holiday, all of my class went to the sea (Europe, it was a thing), and they had a beauty contest. My sister came with my class, and she signed up to compete. I was thinking about it too. I heard the HS camp counselors talk outside our cabin about what I was thinking, wanting to even suggest competing. I was in 5th grade, mind you, at that time.
(it ended up being a beauty competition where they had to produce the longest peeled potato skin, lol, and I would have won that one!)

I was a typical brown-haired, brown-eyed kid, and my sister had that baby face and striking blue eyes. I don't think I was ugly, but she was striking, and everyone compared me to her.
Now, I am happy. I have been married for 30 years in a wonderful marriage, with two grown kids, and today, most people consider me a pretty good-looking woman. In my 20s, once I moved to the U.S., I started noticing a change in how people saw me, beauty-wise. But they did not have a comparison base with my sister.
After one visit to see my family, my DD said she didn't understand why everyone was going crazy over my sister's looks; DD said she found my looks more beautiful and classic.
So, this ugly woman's life turned out pretty awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never been pretty (I’m less than average - have a crooked nose, weird shaped mouth, close set eyes, bad skin), but when I was in my twenties I was fit and was well groomed. I married a great guy and have two great kids (neither of whom is particularly attractive either) and I’m a successful attorney (I don’t think my lack of looks has ever held me up professionally). Now that I’m in my 50s I’m even less attractive because, well, aging, but I’ve had several health issues and am just very grateful my body is continuing to keep on keeping on.

Oh and I have many great friends and family, so all in all I’d say I have a great life.

I've been called pretty before, but I don't have a lot of great friends because my personality is too strong -- controlling and opinionated.

I have a friend (one of a handful of good friends) is less attractive than I am (objectively, she even called me pretty), but she is beautiful on the inside,. Everyone is drawn to her because she seems so happy and kind. There's a light in her that people find attractive. She's had several guys interested in her when we were younger. She got married at like 23, and still married with two wonderful children. Her sister is also not that attractive, but she doesn't have that same light, so she doesn't have as many good friends. That doesn't mean she hasn't had guys interested in her. She has been married 2x.

I don't think attractive people are really any happier. IMO, people who are happy with themselves live happy lives.

(Yes, I am married, too, with two great kids. Married 20+ years.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Except for my DH, I don't think any guy found me attractive at our initial meeting. I've always been short, curvy, curly reddish hair (better now with products) and "too smart". My father was a pillar of the community but, behind closed doors, a raging monster. Even if a guy found me attractive, it couldn't have gone anywhere while my father was alive.

But, I met know DH when I was 30 and it was like a Lifetime movie. I had immersed myself in school, became multilingual and had an exciting international career. I was sure I'd be single forever and was fine with it. And then, my world changed. We celebrated 30 years together the end of this month. Things haven't always been smooth but I have a good person as a partner who loves sleeping with me every night. We sometimes struggle financially, have 1 kid (of 3) with SN but have a rich home life.

I don't believe this even exists, although people post on here about this -- especially with regard to socially struggling children -- all the time. Super smart women are attractive.

She likely put too smart in quotes for a reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never been pretty (I’m less than average - have a crooked nose, weird shaped mouth, close set eyes, bad skin), but when I was in my twenties I was fit and was well groomed. I married a great guy and have two great kids (neither of whom is particularly attractive either) and I’m a successful attorney (I don’t think my lack of looks has ever held me up professionally). Now that I’m in my 50s I’m even less attractive because, well, aging, but I’ve had several health issues and am just very grateful my body is continuing to keep on keeping on.

Oh and I have many great friends and family, so all in all I’d say I have a great life.

I've been called pretty before, but I don't have a lot of great friends because my personality is too strong -- controlling and opinionated.

I have a friend (one of a handful of good friends) is less attractive than I am (objectively, she even called me pretty), but she is beautiful on the inside,. Everyone is drawn to her because she seems so happy and kind. There's a light in her that people find attractive. She's had several guys interested in her when we were younger. She got married at like 23, and still married with two wonderful children. Her sister is also not that attractive, but she doesn't have that same light, so she doesn't have as many good friends. That doesn't mean she hasn't had guys interested in her. She has been married 2x.

I don't think attractive people are really any happier. IMO, people who are happy with themselves live happy lives.

(Yes, I am married, too, with two great kids. Married 20+ years.)

well duh. I have a friend who is gorgeous. She turns heads. When I'm with her (as a reasonably attractive woman), I become invisible to sales clerks, waiters, etc. Sometimes I fantasize about waving across their line of site "HELLOO!!?? I'm sitting here!!! I'm a human too!"
She has it easy with job promotions even and spontaneous job offers (in her professional field). She gets great customer service.

But she's not happier. She worries a lot about her looks--she has very high standards of how she must look to go out in public (when frankly it wouldn't diminish her looks if she was in paper sack and had bed head). Her marriage is ok. Her kids are ok. But she isn't any happier than any of us.

[Anonymous]

I can’t answer, but I will say looks wax and wane over time. As you get older it’s more about clothes, style, upkeep and health, and less about inherent beauty. For people who have some type of deformity, it’s really hard. Otherwise there are innumerable ways to get to average looks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Except for my DH, I don't think any guy found me attractive at our initial meeting. I've always been short, curvy, curly reddish hair (better now with products) and "too smart". My father was a pillar of the community but, behind closed doors, a raging monster. Even if a guy found me attractive, it couldn't have gone anywhere while my father was alive.

But, I met know DH when I was 30 and it was like a Lifetime movie. I had immersed myself in school, became multilingual and had an exciting international career. I was sure I'd be single forever and was fine with it. And then, my world changed. We celebrated 30 years together the end of this month. Things haven't always been smooth but I have a good person as a partner who loves sleeping with me every night. We sometimes struggle financially, have 1 kid (of 3) with SN but have a rich home life.

I'm sorry about your father. Glad to hear you have a good home life now!

PP here. Thank you! Sometimes, it's hard to believe that I actually grew up in that environment. And then, I see something like the Diddy/Cassie video and *snap* it's all fresh again - distant but still fresh.