Ugly women...what are your lives like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work with a colleague who, despite being with the organization for over 15 years, had struggled to secure promotions possibly due to her appearance. Six months after I joined, I was in line for a promotion, but there was a concern that this colleague might react negatively due to the new, younger team member advancing so quickly. To manage the situation, leadership decided to promote her simultaneously to avoid conflict. She often compensates for her perceived lack of attractiveness with defensive behavior, territoriality, and a fear-driven approach. On the other hand, I leveraged my technical expertise, hiring skills, and servant leadership to earn a promotion within six months. My youthful energy and appearance, which is notable in the tech industry where striking looks are less common, likely played a role in my rapid advancement.

In reflecting on the situation, my point is that if someone is perceived as less attractive, they might feel the need to adopt compensating behaviors, which can often be perceived negatively, to advance in their career. This might be because they face greater challenges in being heard or appreciated, making options like instilling fear a tactic for gaining authority or respect. It's a troubling dynamic that speaks to deeper issues of bias and perception in professional environments.

In my experience, the young sorority looking girls are taken less seriously in the workplace

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Except for my DH, I don't think any guy found me attractive at our initial meeting. I've always been short, curvy, curly reddish hair (better now with products) and "too smart". My father was a pillar of the community but, behind closed doors, a raging monster. Even if a guy found me attractive, it couldn't have gone anywhere while my father was alive.

But, I met know DH when I was 30 and it was like a Lifetime movie. I had immersed myself in school, became multilingual and had an exciting international career. I was sure I'd be single forever and was fine with it. And then, my world changed. We celebrated 30 years together the end of this month. Things haven't always been smooth but I have a good person as a partner who loves sleeping with me every night. We sometimes struggle financially, have 1 kid (of 3) with SN but have a rich home life.

I don't believe this even exists, although people post on here about this -- especially with regard to socially struggling children -- all the time. Super smart women are attractive.

PP here. I gently suggest you have limited experience/awareness of how many people in the US, particularly conservatives, look at "smart" women.

Think about Harrison Butker's recent commencement speech. How much do you think men/cultures like him value "smart" women? Women/girls who are "smart" are more likely to question the status quo and their prescribed roles. The role of women/girls is to be helpmates and supports of men/boys. They may claim that men and women are 'equal' and 'partners' but only in narrowly defined parameters. "Smart" women are more likely to lead the family than their husbands.

With that kind of mindset, you can see why "smart" women would be considered undesirable. This kind of thinking is far more prevelant than you may realize - and not just in men. Women are just as complicit even in DCUM-land. Think about how many posts there have been about women earning more than men (often a proxy for "smart") or dating a blue collar guy when you're white collar. Even on DCUM, men are supposed to smarter than women.

Not my experience at ALL, and I’ve lived in the US my entire life. I’m very, very smart. It’s about making smart your personality. Guys loved that I’m smart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you get married? Are you rich? Do you have children? What do you do for work? Are you happy?

I consider myself ugly (face wise) and I still got much male attention. It was always negative though, like they’d just treat me with zero respect and only try to hook up with me or humiliate me. I think I have a good body and nice hair. I’m starting to think having an affable personality and being thin are the most important factors. If you are very boring and overweight with a beautiful face most men won’t be interested.

How did your dating life turn out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work with a colleague who, despite being with the organization for over 15 years, had struggled to secure promotions possibly due to her appearance. Six months after I joined, I was in line for a promotion, but there was a concern that this colleague might react negatively due to the new, younger team member advancing so quickly. To manage the situation, leadership decided to promote her simultaneously to avoid conflict. She often compensates for her perceived lack of attractiveness with defensive behavior, territoriality, and a fear-driven approach. On the other hand, I leveraged my technical expertise, hiring skills, and servant leadership to earn a promotion within six months. My youthful energy and appearance, which is notable in the tech industry where striking looks are less common, likely played a role in my rapid advancement.

Troll

[Anonymous]

Doesn’t also depend on how much effort you put into yourself?

My sister and I are easily 8/9s when we get all dressed up. When we are our normal suburban mom selves we are a 6/7.

We are Asian, tall, thin, long dark hair and clear complexion.

[Anonymous]

How is it that no one is outraged by this thread but in another thread someone compliments a woman who just had a baby and people act as if it’s the worst thing in the world?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Except for my DH, I don't think any guy found me attractive at our initial meeting. I've always been short, curvy, curly reddish hair (better now with products) and "too smart". My father was a pillar of the community but, behind closed doors, a raging monster. Even if a guy found me attractive, it couldn't have gone anywhere while my father was alive.

But, I met know DH when I was 30 and it was like a Lifetime movie. I had immersed myself in school, became multilingual and had an exciting international career. I was sure I'd be single forever and was fine with it. And then, my world changed. We celebrated 30 years together the end of this month. Things haven't always been smooth but I have a good person as a partner who loves sleeping with me every night. We sometimes struggle financially, have 1 kid (of 3) with SN but have a rich home life.

I don't believe this even exists, although people post on here about this -- especially with regard to socially struggling children -- all the time. Super smart women are attractive.

PP here. I gently suggest you have limited experience/awareness of how many people in the US, particularly conservatives, look at "smart" women.

Think about Harrison Butker's recent commencement speech. How much do you think men/cultures like him value "smart" women? Women/girls who are "smart" are more likely to question the status quo and their prescribed roles. The role of women/girls is to be helpmates and supports of men/boys. They may claim that men and women are 'equal' and 'partners' but only in narrowly defined parameters. "Smart" women are more likely to lead the family than their husbands.

With that kind of mindset, you can see why "smart" women would be considered undesirable. This kind of thinking is far more prevelant than you may realize - and not just in men. Women are just as complicit even in DCUM-land. Think about how many posts there have been about women earning more than men (often a proxy for "smart") or dating a blue collar guy when you're white collar. Even on DCUM, men are supposed to smarter than women.

Not my experience at ALL, and I’ve lived in the US my entire life. I’m very, very smart. It’s about making smart your personality. Guys loved that I’m smart.

How 'authentic' of you.

How much experience do you have with conservative cultures that maintain traditional gendered roles?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Except for my DH, I don't think any guy found me attractive at our initial meeting. I've always been short, curvy, curly reddish hair (better now with products) and "too smart". My father was a pillar of the community but, behind closed doors, a raging monster. Even if a guy found me attractive, it couldn't have gone anywhere while my father was alive.

But, I met know DH when I was 30 and it was like a Lifetime movie. I had immersed myself in school, became multilingual and had an exciting international career. I was sure I'd be single forever and was fine with it. And then, my world changed. We celebrated 30 years together the end of this month. Things haven't always been smooth but I have a good person as a partner who loves sleeping with me every night. We sometimes struggle financially, have 1 kid (of 3) with SN but have a rich home life.

I don't believe this even exists, although people post on here about this -- especially with regard to socially struggling children -- all the time. Super smart women are attractive.

PP here. I gently suggest you have limited experience/awareness of how many people in the US, particularly conservatives, look at "smart" women.

Think about Harrison Butker's recent commencement speech. How much do you think men/cultures like him value "smart" women? Women/girls who are "smart" are more likely to question the status quo and their prescribed roles. The role of women/girls is to be helpmates and supports of men/boys. They may claim that men and women are 'equal' and 'partners' but only in narrowly defined parameters. "Smart" women are more likely to lead the family than their husbands.

With that kind of mindset, you can see why "smart" women would be considered undesirable. This kind of thinking is far more prevelant than you may realize - and not just in men. Women are just as complicit even in DCUM-land. Think about how many posts there have been about women earning more than men (often a proxy for "smart") or dating a blue collar guy when you're white collar. Even on DCUM, men are supposed to smarter than women.

Not my experience at ALL, and I’ve lived in the US my entire life. I’m very, very smart. It’s about making smart your personality. Guys loved that I’m smart.

How 'authentic' of you.

How much experience do you have with conservative cultures that maintain traditional gendered roles?

+1 My experience growing up in the rural south is very much the same. We're trained from a young age to think, dress and act in ways men are trained to find attractive. Remember Katie Britt's fundie voice and speech? How she smiled talking about rape and finances? Doesn't matter how "smart" or accomplished you are. You are first and foremost a wife/mother who should be feminine and obedient. Being "smart" is definitely not feminine in their eyes and is, therefore, "ugly" and undesirable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t also depend on how much effort you put into yourself?

My sister and I are easily 8/9s when we get all dressed up. When we are our normal suburban mom selves we are a 6/7.

We are Asian, tall, thin, long dark hair and clear complexion.

If I put in effort I’m a 5 at best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is it that no one is outraged by this thread but in another thread someone compliments a woman who just had a baby and people act as if it’s the worst thing in the world?

+ 10000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is it that no one is outraged by this thread but in another thread someone compliments a woman who just had a baby and people act as if it’s the worst thing in the world?

+ 10000

This is sweet. You think there is consistency in the comments. We’re all over the place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t also depend on how much effort you put into yourself?

My sister and I are easily 8/9s when we get all dressed up. When we are our normal suburban mom selves we are a 6/7.

We are Asian, tall, thin, long dark hair and clear complexion.

If I put in effort I’m a 5 at best.

Since you guys are Asian then by default you have a longer shelf life than other people because in my opinion, Asians age at a much slower pace than other races.

Excluding Black peoples however.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t also depend on how much effort you put into yourself?

My sister and I are easily 8/9s when we get all dressed up. When we are our normal suburban mom selves we are a 6/7.

We are Asian, tall, thin, long dark hair and clear complexion.

If I put in effort I’m a 5 at best.

Since you guys are Asian then by default you have a longer shelf life than other people because in my opinion, Asians age at a much slower pace than other races.

Excluding Black peoples however.

"shelf life".... ew.

[Anonymous]

If you are a high earning "ugly" woman but fit and stylish, your odds are as good as low earnung "non ugly" ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work with a woman who is horribly overweight and misshapen (not a good overweight), chronic health problems, grating personality (always complaining about health and how other parts of life have done her wrong) BUT she's been married for decades, lives a great life of travel US and abroad, great relationships, grown kids are very successful (also very unattractive) And she has grand kids! who live nearby! Drives very high-end cars. I could go on -

Meanwhile I am conventionally very attractive and i scrape by on my looks, as do my DCs and they are not doing so well.

My theory- when you are unattractive you have more time to focus and more need to take care of yourself and far fewer distractions.

Not a universal theory but works for me.

I'm curious to know why you think unattractive people have more time.

I find the opposite to have been true for myself. Growing up, I had clear skin, and my hair was straight. I thought I was this cool girl who didn't care about her looks and that's why I could dedicate myself to other things. Sadly I was wrong. When I hit my 20s, I started getting adult acne and I had to spend so much time targeting it. I realized that if I had acne at a younger age, I probably wouldn't have been able to develop my other talents like I did.