if your spouse leaves a trail of stuff, how do you handle it?

[Anonymous]

Coming to terms with not being able to change it is actually really helpful. Divorce will still be there for you if you want it. But so far I’m okay just going along with sometimes cleaning it, sometimes piling it, and sometimes ignoring it. I’m not nearly as mad nearly as often now that I’ve just accepted his shortcomings. YMMV. And hey, maybe I’ll get super mad again and eventually divorce, I definitely don’t have a perfect answer.

[Anonymous]

If he leaves a trail of hairs he has to go get it waxed off bimonthly. They can deal with the vacuuming, sweeping and clogged drains.

[Anonymous]

It could be worse. I eventually learned that my DH was putting away pots and pans without washing them, and doing other related horribly unclean things in the kitchen. It attracted a mouse under the cupboard and I went from relatively chill about the messy behavior to over the top obsessed with keeping it clean. He gets irritated when I nag him about cleaning things up, and my only response is that if I had a partner who understood even the basic principles of cleaning up (e.g., the pan you just cooked an egg in needs to be washed before it goes back in the cabinet), maybe I wouldn’t be so keyed up about it all the time.

[Anonymous]

My husband picks up after me. But he is the one with ADHD, and I’m the one with excellent executive functioning. I handle a ton of other things that aren’t his strength, and he brings my lunch dishes from the office to the kitchen and puts my shoes away in the closet. I’m the one who makes sure we have food, vacations, summer camps for kids, etc. I handle all the homework. He does all the laundry. We both appreciate what the other one does. We are happy.

[Anonymous]

Divorce. You'll be his maid until one of you dies.

[Anonymous]

I joke around with my DH that he will be murdered someday by a hit man who just has to follow his trail of crap. But, seriously, I hired a cleaning lady as soon as we bought a house because he’s ADHD and I could tell it would never change. He.Does.Not.See.It. We also found things that he’s amazing at that free me up to pick up after him (cooking, laundry, yard work). And, we created a room that’s just his. It’s disaster and I don’t care because I never go in there. I won’t pretend any of this was easy. It was VERY hard for me for a while because I come from a neat family. But, I’m so glad I didn’t divorce him over it (30 yrs together)