if your spouse leaves a trail of stuff, how do you handle it?

[Anonymous]

Like leaving dirty dishes or food wrappers around, leaves amazon package bags in mail area, gets out junk bin to get batteries and leaves out whole bin, wet towels on bed etc etc etc

Assuming you've asked for change and they haven't and that they have other redeeming qualities. If you're in this situation, what do you do? Leave all the junk out forever? pick up after them? pick it up but put all in one place for them to deal with? ask them to do a major sweeo through every few days?

[Anonymous]

I divorced.

If you don't have that option, I would put in all in a pile, and I did.

[Anonymous]

I’m the scattered one in the marriage. And yes I’m the wife. I have done my best to adjust, but it’s hard for me, I don’t see it like my dh does. I think having family cleanup times helps me and the other scattered member of the family. We all spend 10-20 min cleaning up the shared areas.That’s helped us all be responsible

[Anonymous]

You can't change him, don't try. He has to want to change and he will not see if like you do. He likely comes from a messy family. Get a housekeeper. When he complains about the cost, explain you can't live that way and why and that you just didn't want this to effect your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like leaving dirty dishes or food wrappers around, leaves amazon package bags in mail area, gets out junk bin to get batteries and leaves out whole bin, wet towels on bed etc etc etc

Assuming you've asked for change and they haven't and that they have other redeeming qualities. If you're in this situation, what do you do? Leave all the junk out forever? pick up after them? pick it up but put all in one place for them to deal with? ask them to do a major sweeo through every few days?

If he won’t do it make him hire a maid or housekeeper, and manage their time and frequency per week.

Obviously his parents didn’t teach him responsibility nor check into treating any ADHD or ASD

What value does he contribute to the household and house itself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't change him, don't try. He has to want to change and he will not see if like you do. He likely comes from a messy family. Get a housekeeper. When he complains about the cost, explain you can't live that way and why and that you just didn't want this to effect your marriage.

A housekeeper doesn't deal with the daily messes unless you mean a full time one. Not a solution.

I like the PP above's idea about 20 minute family cleaning sessions.

[Anonymous]

I clean up during the day and put stuff away.

If stuff really piles up, then I pile his stuff up in a spot where he cannot overlook it with a note to put away.

[Anonymous]

Leave it and if they don't clean in it LEAVE them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like leaving dirty dishes or food wrappers around, leaves amazon package bags in mail area, gets out junk bin to get batteries and leaves out whole bin, wet towels on bed etc etc etc

Assuming you've asked for change and they haven't and that they have other redeeming qualities. If you're in this situation, what do you do? Leave all the junk out forever? pick up after them? pick it up but put all in one place for them to deal with? ask them to do a major sweeo through every few days?

If he won’t do it make him hire a maid or housekeeper, and manage their time and frequency per week.

Obviously his parents didn’t teach him responsibility nor check into treating any ADHD or ASD

What value does he contribute to the household and house itself?

Don't blame the parents. For some this is just who they are. I have 3 boys and 2 see their messes and clean them and put things away and 1 does not no matter how I follow up/give consequences. I pity his future spouse. I pity them because I was that spouse until I couldn't be anymore.

[Anonymous]

I suppose I'm fortunate that the trail of stuff is not wet/dirty like a towel or food crumbs. I put all his stuff in a pile on his bedside table to deal with.

He does the evening routine in our house so he cleans up the kitchen from dinner, feeds pets, packs lunches, sets coffee and it makes me feel less resentful for the cooking, tidying and cleaning I do throughout the day.

My DH is still kind of a slob the rest of the time but he knows that before bed he basically has a checklist and he is good about getting those specific tasks done.

[Anonymous]

My wife does this because she has her head in the clouds. I just clean up after her because it does not matter who does it, just needs to get done. Whatever, beats being pissed off all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife does this because she has her head in the clouds. I just clean up after her because it does not matter who does it, just needs to get done. Whatever, beats being pissed off all the time.

Same. My spouse is so good at job, making bank, driving kids everywhere I don't want to drive and dealing with our 2 dogs. I'm (not happy to but just do) fine to just pick up the trails when I'm doing general stuff. Better than being pissed or divorced!

[Anonymous]

I am a neatnik & would have a tough time living w/a spouse that I had to clean up after.

However if aside from being a slob…..if he was otherwise a great husband I would accept his sloppiness as a trade-off + just learn to live w/it.

Like others suggested - maybe hire a housekeeper but it sounds like your husband is more of a messy person vs. a filthy/dirty one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a neatnik & would have a tough time living w/a spouse that I had to clean up after.

However if aside from being a slob…..if he was otherwise a great husband I would accept his sloppiness as a trade-off + just learn to live w/it.

Like others suggested - maybe hire a housekeeper but it sounds like your husband is more of a messy person vs. a filthy/dirty one.

How old are you? I bet over 50. Neatnik lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like leaving dirty dishes or food wrappers around, leaves amazon package bags in mail area, gets out junk bin to get batteries and leaves out whole bin, wet towels on bed etc etc etc

Assuming you've asked for change and they haven't and that they have other redeeming qualities. If you're in this situation, what do you do? Leave all the junk out forever? pick up after them? pick it up but put all in one place for them to deal with? ask them to do a major sweeo through every few days?

If he won’t do it make him hire a maid or housekeeper, and manage their time and frequency per week.

Obviously his parents didn’t teach him responsibility nor check into treating any ADHD or ASD

What value does he contribute to the household and house itself?

Don't blame the parents. For some this is just who they are. I have 3 boys and 2 see their messes and clean them and put things away and 1 does not no matter how I follow up/give consequences. I pity his future spouse. I pity them because I was that spouse until I couldn't be anymore.[/quote]

What does that mean: Until I couldn’t be anymore?

Your house got condemned? Everyone got sick with sepsis or staph infection bacteria from the kitchen? Your spouse filed for divorce and you have supervised visitation now?