What did you want more? To be a mom or a wife?

[Anonymous]

I love a lot of things about being married, but reflecting on my life, I have to say that having kids is utterly transformative in a way that marriage just isn’t. It’s two very different things.

[Anonymous]

I don't think I would have had a child without being married but he had to have the qualities and desire to be an excellent father. Fortunately, I found him and had two children--the loves of my life.

[Anonymous]

I think it's easy for people to say Mom without ever having gone down the path of being a single Mom. I was a single Mom and so obviously I valued a child over marriage, but for the 7 years I searched for a husband my family never felt complete. I'm also lucky that I found the right man, because he did complete our family.

[Anonymous]

I wanted to be married. I was fine not having children. We decided to try and ended up with twins and love them dearly so I don't wish I didn't have them, but I didn't grow up wanting or needing to be a mom.

And now I very much prioritize my marriage (and always have). Our children are dependent on us and of course we take care of them (and then some!), but we put our own oxygen masks on first, which to us means taking care of ourselves and taking care of our marriage. As a result, we have happy kids and a happy life.

[Anonymous]

Mom, but I didn't realize it at the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ive never wanted kids, so I'd say wife. But honestly being a wife wasn't a goal or something I wanted, more so a loving, supportive partner to go through life with.

This. I find the obsession with being "Mrs. so and so" or "Larla's mommy" very strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom more, but I knew I wanted to SAH and also I'm pretty traditional, so I also needed a husband. Sort of of a package deal.

Well at least you admit it.

[Anonymous]

When I was young I didn’t care about either one. Now that I have both, I enjoy being a mom more than a wife. Being a mother changes your world/life (in a good way) in a way that nothing else does.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I grew up with a culture where marriages were awful to women. I didn’t expect to find the companionship I have with my husband. Now I feel like being a wife has be fulfilling but I still would pick being a mom because the odds of finding such companionship is very low.

[Anonymous]

Definitely a mom, but to live the life I wanted I needed to be a wife too.

[Anonymous]

I wanted a lifelong companion and to be desperately in love. If kids came a long during that then so be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wanted a lifelong companion and to be desperately in love. If kids came a long during that then so be it.

This is me, too. In my childhood/family experience, a loving partner is for life and parenthood is a phase of that partnership. We got married not intending to have kids, and only have 1 now. He's almost grown, and I still intend on 40+ more years of marriage.

[Anonymous]

Both equally, but long-term to be a wife. I adore my husband and we have a great time together. Looking forward to retirement/being empty nesters (when the time comes). I love being a mom but the goal is to launch them away from you successfully.

[Anonymous]

Mom. I waited to marry until I found someone I was excited to have kids with. I loved others, but DH is also a great father.

[Anonymous]

I always felt that one would lead to the other and that’s how it worked out. I wanted both so I started with a husband but I didn’t put a lot of thought into one without the other.