Can I wear white to a male gay spring wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no bride. It's totally fine.

So you know for a fact that the one or both of grooms are not choosing to wear white? You know for a fact that they have not assigned this color to their wedding party, their officiant, their mothers or sisters, etc.? How very interesting, what with you not knowing them. At all.

[Anonymous]

Don’t wear white to a wedding. Period. Doesn’t matter if it’s a gay male wedding or a straight couple or a gay female wedding. Never wear white to a wedding. It says that you want people to notice you and it is rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be sure to let the grooms and their families (and actual friends) know that you don’t consider this to be a “real” wedding by wearing white and by calling it a gay male wedding.

I think OP is referencing the SNL skit.

[Anonymous]

lol!
No, OP. White on women is historically “bride.” You are a woman. If you wear white you’ll come off like wanting to be perceived as bride-adjacent. Don’t do it.

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be sure to let the grooms and their families (and actual friends) know that you don’t consider this to be a “real” wedding by wearing white and by calling it a gay male wedding.

I think OP is referencing the SNL skit.

I am pretty sure she’s not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t wear white to a wedding. Period. Doesn’t matter if it’s a gay male wedding or a straight couple or a gay female wedding. Never wear white to a wedding. It says that you want people to notice you and it is rude.

But the only reason for that rule is because it’s traditional for a bride to wear white. No one is supposed to compete with the bride. There will be no bride at this wedding. I agree that I would avoid white in case the grooms are going to wear white, but if a guest knows for sure that neither of them will be wearing white, then the prohibition on dressing like the bride doesn’t apply.

It is relevant that this is two men getting married. You wouldn’t give them a card that refers to them as “the bride and groom,” because neither is a bride.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:lol!
No, OP. White on women is historically “bride.” You are a woman. If you wear white you’ll come off like wanting to be perceived as bride-adjacent. Don’t do it.

Yes, because until very recently, all weddings included a bride. Now they don’t have to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people hem and haw about wearing white to a wedding? There are so many other colors!!!! Just pick something else and wear the blazer to a different event.

This. I think some people just hate being told not to do something, so like children all they want is the one thing you told them they can't have.

[Anonymous]

I would ask them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ask them.

Good guests do not bother the people getting married with stupid questions for which there is an obvious answer.

[Anonymous]

I don’t really think a white blazer counts. I have worn a white sweater or shawl for the church portion before over dresses that definitely weren’t white (my other shawls are winter looking and didn’t go with spring dresses)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no bride. It's totally fine.

So you know for a fact that the one or both of grooms are not choosing to wear white? You know for a fact that they have not assigned this color to their wedding party, their officiant, their mothers or sisters, etc.? How very interesting, what with you not knowing them. At all.

OP said it was a gay male wedding, not a trans wedding. It's reasonable to assume the two grooms will not be wearing whie dresses.

Since when it is a thing to inquire about the color scheme for the wedding party and the grooms' relatives? It's not. The reason not to wear a white dress is because that's what the bride wears. There is no bride.

[Anonymous]

I have gay friends who would be bothered by this. Even though there isn't a bridge in a white dress, I think part of it is that white can be an eye catching color to wear, especially when no one else is in it. So it would be seen as gauche even in this situation because it feels attention seeking. I'd also worry it comes off as "well since there's no bride, I want to be the bride!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be sure to let the grooms and their families (and actual friends) know that you don’t consider this to be a “real” wedding by wearing white and by calling it a gay male wedding.

Don’t you think it matters that this is a male gay wedding and not a female gay wedding?

No. White at any wedding is meant to signify “attention” and even if the grooms don’t choose to wear it, they may assign it as a special color for attendants, their mothers or sisters, the officiant, etc.

Historically white signals "virginity" ...

OP, imagine that a member of the catering staff or a passerby noticed you in white, and -- looking for a bride -- congratulated you. It would make the grooms feel small, I think, and invisible at their own wedding. I would avoid.