First grade bullying - what would you do next
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Anonymous
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A kid in my child’s second-grade class made death threats (similar to stuffed animal thing). Now in middle school, same kid was just suspended for throwing another against wall of bathroom.
There are bad seeds (or kids prone to anger who are volatile/dangerous). The school won’t do much. I would escalate but also teach your child to avoid this kid, don’t engage, etc. |
Anonymous
| The kids are out of control. YouTube and fnaf does not help and way too many parents use unmonitored devices as a babysitter and we all pay the price for it |
Anonymous
This is horrific, there is a little psychopath in the mix. Kids that age have preferences and no filters. They might say mean things (you are weird etc), they might exclude (you can't play with us), they might shove or hit if they get angry during playtime. They don't bring a favorite toy to school to use as an effigy or jump a classmate. For the sake of your daughter's mental health, you need to make a very big deal out of this, she needs to know you've got her back. |
Anonymous
+1 This happened in my DC’s class as well but worse. The situation was handled alright, but yes, I tell my DC that these are bad seeds who don’t know right from wrong, that mindsets are contagious, and to stay away from bad people. |
Anonymous
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I would first tell your daughter to find nice people to hang out with. My first reaction is always to tell my kids they can only control themselves. Don't hang out with people who aren’t nice.
If that doesn’t work and the other girls seek her out to bother her - yes, then talk to the teacher. As to whether you speak to the principal, I would consider that the nuclear option, and only do it if you never want to be friends with these families again. Doing that will not endear the other girls to your daughter when it causes them to get in trouble. You may decide it’s worth that but that’s what I think you need to know you’re doing when you go in with that approach. |
Anonymous
100%. The parents let the kids watch whatever as they have "meeeeeee time" . A 4th grader was pretending to give another student a BJ. It's horrible |
Anonymous
It’s a camel? Dam |
Anonymous
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Op here. I don’t know why I didn’t just say her favorite animal - a panda. But yes, the stuffed animal they picked out of the basket was a panda (so not some random puppy dog or something). Actually the teacher seemed confused and didn’t think they had a panda but my daughter definitely read it as a panda (it’s one of those stuffed animals with the really big eyes where it’s hard to tell what it is).
DH and I met with the teacher again on Friday. She said she’s made a point in the weeks since she heard the story to go outside during a few recesses a week and watch my daughter and the other girls. My daughter generally chooses to play alone. There is a lovely little girl who’s new this year (also getting bullied) and the teacher encourages my daughter and that girl to play together. They really like each other when we’ve done play dates and I like the mom a lot but for some reason they’re not connecting at school. The teacher was upset to hear that one of the people (let’s call her Bully) kicked my daughter again. I said I thought it was time to loop in / inform the principal and the teacher agreed. I said I was going to request that Bully be in a separate classroom than my daughter next year and the teacher said she’d already made a note of that and it’s a “no brainer”. I also asked whether the school counselor offers socialization groups and whether they would benefit either Bully or daughter (in terms of setting boundaries, healthy friendships etc). For instance, the girl in the group who was my daughter’s good friend has, on one hand, asked to be in her group on both their field trips and sat with her at two recent school events that I attended. On the other hand, my DD recently gave that girl a toy for her bday. I said that was nice, but we should have discussed it before she took a toy to school. A few days later my DD said that girl told her “other people gave me toys, and I won’t be your friend unless you bring me a toy too.” So that’s a problem obviously. Anyway, the teacher told me she’s sending Bully to “restorative recess” with the principal once a week where they role-play and try to resolve social challenges. She said we could try having my DD go on weeks that Bully isn’t there. At the very least, it could get her into a calmer recess situation. So in my draft to the principal I’ve requested a classroom change for next year, let her know that some sort of counseling for multiple girls in the classroom seems like a good idea, and asked what kind of supports / resources might be possible to better keep recess and transitions to the classroom safe. |
Anonymous
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I have a first grade daughter and can’t imagine this happening to her. I am sorry. I would 100% get the teacher, counselor and principal involved.
I have heard that some boys threaten the girls about bombing them. I don’t know if they get this from the news. When my son was in kindergarten, there was a boy who had threatened to shoot another girl. My kid was not involved but I remember thinking the whole thing seemed to have been blown out of proportion. The threat by a 5yo didn’t seem like a real threat but I know the principal was involved and the boy was treated like he was threatening to kill a classmate. |
Anonymous
| Things will not get better or change overnight. Children however tend to have short attention spans. I would talk to the teacher and counselor about the stuffed animal incident, make a plan to meet with your daughter and map out strategies for dealing with this antisocial behavior. Also, practice a protocol for dealing with this group of mean girls. Like, first avoid, then ignore, if it persists, confront and have a few go-to lines. See if this helps! I feel bad for your little one. |
Anonymous
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Op here just to gripe a bit…in late March we met with the teacher, agreed on best next steps, and I wrote the principal. It was shortly before spring break, but I never heard back. So I wrote her a week ago, saying I thought she might not have seen my original email given the timing but, before they do classroom assignments for next year, I wanted to check in with her. I also noted I’d heard great things about the school counselor meeting with a different group of children to help with social skills and that I thought this group could benefit from that. Again, I didn’t hear back.
This weekend I was at a school fundraiser / party where a parent with older children (late elementary - high school) mentioned how impressed she was by our relatively new principal. I said I liked her but found her hard to reach with my concerns. First the other mother said that, when she wants to reach the principal, she goes and sits in the office and just waits for a 15 min break in the schedule regardless of how long she waits. Second, she told me that my kids’ issue wasn’t a problem (I just said she was being bullied without sharing details) and I had to learn to not take playground banter seriously and I can’t expect the school to get involved every time my kid is teased. I said my 5th grader had a great experience at the school but that this situation - which included actual violence and threats of violence - was not okay. The other woman said “I actually don’t care what a first grader said or did to your kid. Wait for middle school.” Ugh. Anyway, just venting… |
Anonymous
Unfortunately OP you’ve likely got a reputation as a PITA. And telling other parents about the ordeal doesn’t help. |
Anonymous
That mother sounds gross. To assume the bullying is not a big deal and to be dismissive about it without knowing specifics. But at least you know how to reach the principal now. |
Anonymous
| The principal, the counselor, need to be involved. This is unacceptable. Stop being so tentative, protect your kid. |
Anonymous
| Ok, if this is a public school, you need to over the principal's head. |