Fun in middle age
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Anonymous
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I’m early 40s and still have young kids, but things I manage to do for fun include a book club (the book discussion is like 25% of it and the rest is drinking wine and staying up way too late together). I also enjoy kickboxing classes. DH and I try to get out once a month or so to try new restaurants. I meet up with friends for brunches and happy hours. We take family trips (beach, hiking, etc.) and DH and I also swap off taking girls/guys trips on our own.
Some day I hope to have more time for hobbies. I’d love to join a creative writing group or take cake decorating classes or get back into skiing. |
Anonymous
| ^Oh also, my kids have talked me into playing video games with them sometimes. It’s actually more fun than I had expected. |
Anonymous
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A few for you OP.
First, the hormonal changes during perimenopause and menopause play havoc with your brain, including how it regulates your mood. So it may be that trying adaptogens or hormone therapy or other avenues may help with your ability to find joy. The other thing that I personally experience is finding joyful things to do post Covid. Part of that is because activities and groups that I did things with have changed or ended. And part of it is that I still work from home often and am still out of the routine of doing things that I used to do near my office. So my focus is on signing up for activities that I think may offer me a sense of community, and giving that a try for the next few months. |
Anonymous
| It can be hard to re-invent yourself or find a new purpose. So much of my life revolved around kid activities, kid parents etc. Always built-in socializing and events. That disappeared pretty quickly and I miss it a lot. I don't miss the chaos and hectic aspects of young kids though. Like you, I'm not a museum, or movie/art person so just going to a museum isn't going to lift my mood or bring much "fun" to my life. What does bring fun? For me I like being outside, I like meeting my friends (it doesn't have to focus on a meal or a restaurant if you don't like eating out) we often meet and do something active - in the summer that's going to the pool. Or maybe a walk, I find the less formal the easier it is to plan. I'm sure there must be resources out there to identify things you like doing - to help guide you in a direction that you find fullfilling. |
Anonymous
| Our kids are young (preK and lower elementary). I love them and kid involved activities, but I have a long list of things I will do more of when they aren’t as demanding of my time - mostly in the categories of hobbies, adult friendships, and exercise, but also sleep, organize, and have a cleaner house. |
Anonymous
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I have a million hobbies and not enough time to do them. When the kids are done with dinner and doing their homework, I actually feel like I can relax now (as opposed to when they were younger and there was so much more "parenting"). We eat together every night but then they go out or homework or watch sports. It's cosy.
I knit, needlepoint, play the piano, read, write, talk on the phone, watch you tube videos about various things, insta scroll, call my sibs. I have a bunch of diff groups I'm part of (book clubs, business clubs, etc). I volunteer for some stuff at school. We travel. During their sports season we spend the whole time at the games. It's fun. We go out to dinner as a family sometimes. There's a million things to do. Hobbies are really satisfying. Just think about what you used to like when you were younger and dive back in! |
Anonymous
| We are childfree and have been having fun all our lives. So we will keep keeping on. 😀 |
Anonymous
I think I’m experiencing this a bit, partially because we aren’t actually empty nesters yet. Teens are still home and still need plenty of care, feeding, driving and emotional support so my time isn’t really my own and yet we aren’t spending all that much time with them doing things either. You might be like me in that I really loved all the young kid activities in our area and miss that stage. I am thinking ahead a bit. When I am an empty nester I plan to take some art classes. I don’t have time to really jump in yet but I may do one or two short workshops in the medium that interests me. I’m a homebody so intentionally finding books to read and recipes to try makes me happy. DD and I are going to try Pilates soon. I think you just need yo be intentional and think about what you would like to do vs what you think you should do. |
Anonymous
I think this is it. Mostly. np here |
Anonymous
| Maybe do some activity with your teen, as two adults, as friends. Since this is where this relationship is heading. Soon enough, that will be how you will need to relate. I have a sweet memory of playing tennis with my Mom. It only happened once. No idea why it is such a sweet memory. Maybe because we were just goofing around. We weren't any good. |
Anonymous
I think you nailed it completely. Mine are still home too and I am still busy with their stuff, physical, emotional...When they were little it was simpler and I loved all the kid activities, we could just take a whole weekend day for a big outing. That doesn't happen anymore with teens who have their own stuff, but still need me at some point. I think I am so preoccupied with them that my own moments of leisure come in between the busy, difficult teen stuff, so I don't have the mental or physical energy to focus on me. I used to love painting, but I am not inspired anymore, same with long walks. I just have this mental "mom of teens" exhaustion factor that weighs me down. |
Anonymous
| Teens can take up a lot of our mental energy -- we can imagine/worry re: bigger problems. And yet have less/no control. |
Anonymous
| They will occupy less space in your head when they are out of the house |
Anonymous
Maybe post again here after they have left home. |
Anonymous
| I am a middle-aged widow with a high-schooler and young adult at home. I keep my dance card filled during the week with recurring activities - and the hope that one of the recurring activities will pay some dividends when I meet a nice, age-appropriate man through one of them - but the weekends are l-o-o-n-g. I don't even like being in my house anymore, and I was a homebody when my husband was alive. I go to the gym everyday. |