Forced Into Screens

[Anonymous]

I just wish we could do “a little” scree time. Trying to limit it —even to something like 6 hours a day!!— results in screaming and crying. We just have to do none. He is disgruntled but there aren’t multiple fights every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see a lot of comments on here about people who just don’t do screens/ video games for their kids.

I just don’t know how that is possible. I really hate screens for kids but realized by resisting I was making our DS (9) the weirdo in his class as one do the few kids he knows that doesn’t play video games. Most of his social life revolves around discussing games/ tv shows. If there are kids who don’t get screens - where are they? Even school is screens all day!

We limit video games to 1-2 hours a week and do 30-45 mins a day of other tv/ videos.

With the modern world I just didn’t see another choice. We do lots of other stuff ( sports, outings, reading, board games) but some times the kids want video time and now it’s here to stay. I do feel them pushing for more and more. I know it’s addictive and i hate to see their little brains getting wired towards addictive type behaviors.

Part of me wants to go cold turkey and cut the screens. But I am not sure I could do that to my kids. I honestly felt like moderation was the key- but now I am not so sure.

I really feel myself longing for the 1990s before cell phones and when video games weren’t so “good”.

One thing my kids don’t do is “nothing”- I feel like when I was a kid I would spend a few hours every day just chilling in my room or just reading. Maybe we have our kids so much attention they can’t live without it.

Personally, when I shit on “screens” is when it’s like… mindless scrolling on tiktok, on demand youtube whatever you want, the kind of stuff that makes them so intolerant to patience, they’re used to being served what they want right then with no effort involved, just drag your finger to move to the next video.

At least with video games there’s thinking involved, and if it’s online your kids are probably talking to their friends. And TV as in like, cable where you can’t instantly binge your choice of 1000s of shows, have to watch commercials, have to wait for your show to air at a certain time. I don’t think that’s too bad either.

Just my opinion though.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know any middle schooler without access to screens, even “uncool” ones. Maybe not a phone but they still have a tablet or computer where they can watch stuff, and obviously the TV. If you think it’s hard at 9, just wait until 12 or 13.

[Anonymous]

Simple: you parent. That means you are the adult in the room.

You are in control. Don’t like how that sounds? well too bad. Grow up. Be the one in control; ie - a parent.

And the rest of society? Screw society. Let the rest of society give their kids unlimited screen time and stay up as late as they want; those kids can mop the floors at 7/11 and struggle in community college.

In my house? No social media. More than half the U.S. states attorney generals have filed lawsuits, in federal court, suing social media giants because:

- social media is known to be harmful to children, and
- social media is intentionally designed to be addictive to children.

Hey, if you know better than half the states attorney generals? If the research magically doesn’t apply to your kid?? GREAT! Unlimited social. Tell us how that works out for you in 20 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in San Francisco, and a lot of people here do very minimal screens. My oldest has never played a video game at all. They talk about tons of stuff besides shows and video games.

Look to make friends with people who work in tech - it's well known we are low tech with our kids.

Yeah, like Philip Morris or Pepsi execs who warn their own kids away from cigs/soda but are happy to profit off the addiction of other people’s kids. Way to go, pat yourself on the back.

[Anonymous]

Screens are an integral part of our lives. They are prominent in how we learn, work and play. Artificially restricting them isn’t the virtue some think it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Simple: you parent. That means you are the adult in the room.

You are in control. Don’t like how that sounds? well too bad. Grow up. Be the one in control; ie - a parent.

And the rest of society? Screw society. Let the rest of society give their kids unlimited screen time and stay up as late as they want; those kids can mop the floors at 7/11 and struggle in community college.

In my house? No social media. More than half the U.S. states attorney generals have filed lawsuits, in federal court, suing social media giants because:

- social media is known to be harmful to children, and
- social media is intentionally designed to be addictive to children.

Hey, if you know better than half the states attorney generals? If the research magically doesn’t apply to your kid?? GREAT! Unlimited social. Tell us how that works out for you in 20 years.

I am not a “big government” person but there needs to be some regulation here. Same with soda/junk food and fast food.

My kids are extremely privileged in terms of wealth, having an educated and present nuclear and extended family, great childcare and activities to occupy them. They are highly unlikely to get screen addicted. Not so for 99.9% others because they lack those privileges. And we can’t keep blaming individuals all the time. We put controls on cigarettes and we need to do the same for other intensely addictive things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Simple: you parent. That means you are the adult in the room.

You are in control. Don’t like how that sounds? well too bad. Grow up. Be the one in control; ie - a parent.

And the rest of society? Screw society. Let the rest of society give their kids unlimited screen time and stay up as late as they want; those kids can mop the floors at 7/11 and struggle in community college.

In my house? No social media. More than half the U.S. states attorney generals have filed lawsuits, in federal court, suing social media giants because:

- social media is known to be harmful to children, and
- social media is intentionally designed to be addictive to children.

Hey, if you know better than half the states attorney generals? If the research magically doesn’t apply to your kid?? GREAT! Unlimited social. Tell us how that works out for you in 20 years.

I am not a “big government” person but there needs to be some regulation here. Same with soda/junk food and fast food.

My kids are extremely privileged in terms of wealth, having an educated and present nuclear and extended family, great childcare and activities to occupy them. They are highly unlikely to get screen addicted. Not so for 99.9% others because they lack those privileges. And we can’t keep blaming individuals all the time. We put controls on cigarettes and we need to do the same for other intensely addictive things.

Are you white?

[Anonymous]

It’s different when you have girls. Neither of my girls were allowed to play video games (but they still watched Netflix and YouTube occasionally) and it hasn’t affected them socially. In ES all the boys play video games but in middle school the boys that play sports and the boys who play video games will stop hanging out. Obviously some boys will play both video games and sports but most won’t have the time for both.

[Anonymous]

I have girls and neither has expressed desire to play video games although I’m sure they’d get sucked in if we introduced it. They don’t use YouTube. They do some kid shows but not many, although they wish they had more. One thing that keeps the older one (8) from asking to play video games is that she has said that it feels like that’s almost entirely what the boys in her class talk about ALL the time, and she thinks that’s weird (no idea if her assessment is accurate). She also has wonderful teenage cousins who talk to her about the consequences of too much screen time based on what they see at their school.
She is definitely not one of the popular girls though and has said that she sometimes doesn’t know about things the kids are talking about. Doesn’t seem to bug her much b/c I’ve told her to let me know and we can look into them together, but she has little interest in doing so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Screens are an integral part of our lives. They are prominent in how we learn, work and play. Artificially restricting them isn’t the virtue some think it is.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Screens are an integral part of our lives. They are prominent in how we learn, work and play. Artificially restricting them isn’t the virtue some think it is.

Part of the screen issue is the garbage that fills kids' heads. I'm now reading a parenting book published 1992 and they had same complaints then.

My solution has been to be strict about what's on the screen. Kids are age 9, 4, almost 2. DH introduced us to Studio Ghibli and we've bought many if not most of their movies on YT. This is my kids' ad-free corner of the internet. They're surprisingly content watching familiar movies many times, and I'm at least content that the artistry, story telling is showing them positive role models, healthy relationships, community life, friendship, love, etc. etc, etc.

Some favorites, FYI tips for others to look up:

Howl's Moving Castle
Princess Mononoke
Nausica
My neighbor Totoro
Pom Poko
Kiki's Delivery Service
Castle of Cagliostro
Castle in the Sky
Spirited Away

and for very sad, heavy one - Grave of the Fireflies

[Anonymous]

I let my kids watch screens, because there is a lot of useful stuff to learn. I just teach them how to not become addicted to screens, so they know how to shut them off and not let screens control their lives.

[Anonymous]

I do think it's harder if video games are a big part of the social culture at your kids school or in your community. And yes, boys tend to do this more so I think it's harder with boys. We have friends whose kids used video games as a primary source of socializing during the pandemic because they could get on and play together virtually, and that's how they'd talk and interact. Now they can do more in person of course, but that habit is set. It's such a catch-22. I don't think they wish they had kept kids off screens during the pandemic when it was such a valuable outlet for them. But now what?

We take a minimalist approach to screens but don't ban them. My kid can watch TV (on an actual TV screen) a few times a week, one of which is a family movie night. No phone, no tablet. But school is the issue -- they use tablets in school and there's an educational app that gets assigned with their homework. Even when it's optional, there are often rewards associated with doing it, and I feel like we are the ONLY ones who care about the screen exposure of using this app at home. I also think there's real benefit to doing this sort of work (math, phonics, reading comp, grammar) with paper and pencil. I feel like we are in a constant push-pull over how much of this to allow. We let DC use my spouse's tablet (I don't have one) to do it sometimes. It's not part of our daily routine.

For me it's all about staving off the phone conversation as long as possible, and then setting ourselves up to create good boundaries with any device my kid eventually gets. We have lots of conversations about how screens are not inherently bad, but they are addictive and can pull you away from other things that are very worthwhile and make life worth living. So part of it is about filling our lives with music, art, conversation, games, nature, etc., so that there are always lots of desirable alternatives to staring at a screen. It's hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Screens are an integral part of our lives. They are prominent in how we learn, work and play. Artificially restricting them isn’t the virtue some think it is.

But unlimited access to screens, or not caring about the quality of what is on the screen, or the kind of screen your kid is interacting with, IS a virtue. Lots of adults are screen addicted. They are not an unmitigated good, they can be addictive, and they can be the medium for a lot of terrible content.

We don't ban screens in our house but I absolutely care about how much screen time my kids get and the nature of the screen time. Texting with a friend is great, but not if it's happening at 1am. Watching movies can be wonderful, but hours and hours of mindless TV less so. Watching screens with other people can be a bonding experience and a way to learn about the world or experience art, but staring at a handheld device all the time can have a negative impact on your mental health (and your posture!).