How long young adult live at home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:90%
of GEN Z 26 years old are living at home.

Who raised those Gen Zs? Gen X parents with parental trauma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 20yr son had some severe mental issues as a kid and teen which he’s now got a good handle on. He didn’t want to go college and is working almost FT, has a couple friends, lives at home and pays us $300 month for rent. We’re saving that $$ for when he decides to move out. We plan to increase his rent to eventually get him to $1000, which is what he’ll need to live on his own.

He’s easy to live with and I figure in 3 years he’ll be ready to move out. My husband makes snide remarks that our son is “living in our basement.” DH is old school, moved out at 18. (Didn’t go college but landed very good job.)

I keep telling DH that times have changed and that lots of young adults live with parents through early twenties.

In white upper-middle income families, what would “normal” look like?

Who cares? You do what works for you?
I grew up with immigrant grandparents on both side. They and their siblings all went on to have big families of their own. They all lived at home for periods of time and some lived there, taking care of the grandparents, their whole lives. One side basically had a "compound" where they all lived next to/behind each other. Everyone took care of each other (though it was not w/o the usual family bickering and issues - not trying to paint some Pollyanna view). Point is, no one looked down on it. I certainly never knew any differently. It was only until I started living in other areas where "Failure to launch" concerns were apparently a thing that I realized others looked down on it.

You know what? I DGAF. I have zero family support where I am now and it's easier with some help. So if my kids want to live at home, need help and support, and are doing their best, that is absolutely fine with me. Plus, as others note, it IS harder now for kids coming into being adults. Harder to get in college, pay for college, get a good paying job, buying a house . . . . So the old "rules" simply don't apply in the same way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 20yr son had some severe mental issues as a kid and teen which he’s now got a good handle on. He didn’t want to go college and is working almost FT, has a couple friends, lives at home and pays us $300 month for rent. We’re saving that $$ for when he decides to move out. We plan to increase his rent to eventually get him to $1000, which is what he’ll need to live on his own.

He’s easy to live with and I figure in 3 years he’ll be ready to move out. My husband makes snide remarks that our son is “living in our basement.” DH is old school, moved out at 18. (Didn’t go college but landed very good job.)

I keep telling DH that times have changed and that lots of young adults live with parents through early twenties.

In white upper-middle income families, what would “normal” look like?

How is moving out at 18 old school? I know of one person who moved out at 17. Everyone else, including two who became professors at DCUM faves, and several others who became doctors, lawyers and engineers, lived at home at least during college breaks into their mid-20s. Then, some stayed home to save for homes into their late 20s.

[Anonymous]

It's great that you're putting the rent money away for him (the more, the better). I think as long as he is employed, respectful, and saving money for the future, he's fine and you are helping him. It's really hard for young adults to afford life these days.

My brother is 29, employed, but doesn't pay any bills, and is a jerk to our parents. Who still do his laundry and cook all his meals. That's a different situation and he needs to leave the nest and experience real life. I enlisted in the military at 18 so I can't relate... but also the economy was much different 20 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Np and I deeply resent that my 23-year-old lazy middle son will be here until God knows when. I left at 20 and never looked back. I've tried multiple solutions (college, military, living with other family, filling out applications for him, etc), but nothing sticks.

I would tell any person who is contemplating children to understand that you will be birthing the next generation, which will come with a different set of rules from the ones you have. If you aren't open/flexible to things falling outside your expectations/timelines, don't have kids. Further, if you aren't open to the possibility of a failure to launch, basement dweller embarrassment, don't do it.

I doubt I would do it again, knowing what I now know.

[Anonymous]

I think my concern would be less on when he's going to/needs to move out, and more on what his future will be job-wise and will it not only pay the bills but will he eventually be able to pick up his own health insurance, cover emergencies such as a car that needs major work, etc.

[Anonymous]

Two of ours lived with us well into their 20s, but were saving money for a downpayment on a house. It's the only way they could have afforded a home and were able to buy before interest rates went up. The third lived with us about 6 months after college to save money for apt. rent, deposits, and a little cushion when on their own.

I thought it made sense and enjoyed their company. We didn't charge rent and would never have kicked them out. Home is home.

[Anonymous]

You want your kids to be as independent as they can, especially financially. They don't have to be wealthy but they need to be able to manage problems on their own. We can't rescue them all the time.
They can be independent and still live at home in order to save money to move out. Gotta pay some bills, any bills.

[Anonymous]

I don't know what is "normal", but I had two bouts back at home in my adulthood. Once after college and once after a breakup. It was always known to me that there would be a bed for me whenever I needed it, no pressure to ever move out but I was always supported when I did. I plan to be the same for my children.

[Anonymous]

20 is still super young.
I'd say 25 is probably normal. If your kid is pushing 30 and still at home sure, have a conversation. But not 20.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You want your kids to be as independent as they can, especially financially. They don't have to be wealthy but they need to be able to manage problems on their own. We can't rescue them all the time.
They can be independent and still live at home in order to save money to move out. Gotta pay some bills, any bills.

This. I don’t expect my early 20 somethings to be completely settled down and established, if they do a little moving around, including coming back home for a stint that’s alright. Now is the time for them to get things figured out.

[Anonymous]

Mine all moved out soon after college graduation and getting a job. They each had a bunch of roommates and they sometimes lived in pretty dumpy places but they wanted to be out on their own. We never subsidized them them or gave them allowances in college so they were prepared to survive. Eventually they got nicer places with fewer roommates and they were all married by age 27 or so.

[Anonymous]

I would try to convince him to get a college degree or some sort of trade certification.

[Anonymous]

I moved out at 29 and my Mom would have been happy to have me stay.

She was a widow and I paid a $200 a month rent, shoveled her driveway, mowed lawn, did all home repairs, fixed her car if I could, unloaded groceries.

My 24 year old sister also was at home and she also paid $200 a month rent and helped out.

If mom hosted thanksgiving, Xmas or 4th of July we help her and if a wedding or party starts brine else house we drove her.

I lived at home because I loved to ski on weekends, fly away in spring break, get a share in summer house in summer and paying full rent I could not afford to do it plus I be leaving apartment I am paying for empty like 20 weekends a year.

Yea I dated and got married.

[Anonymous]

not so sure about the "white" normal thing...that was strange...but anyway...mine stayed until their late twenties after college which was long enough to pay off student loan debt and build a respectable savings for when they did move out. I did not charge them rent.

I'll never understand why it's so shameful to not kick kids out when they're 18, there's a difference between being shiftless in your basement vs. working towards a goal to start out on a high note financially...I wish my parents had done the same for me....